Wall Street - (Stalinist Mess): Pea-brained Russian midget Mad Bad Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin was unmasked today as the walking trash-heap behind a series of smears against bigoil giant Chevron Corp.
The fetid ex-P2 Lodge quartermaster has recently stirred up a series of agitprop-style vendettas in Ecuador, Kazakhstan, Nigeria and now Alaska in his bid to discredit the oil company's twenty year dossiers naming him as head of Soviet era and Russian terrorism on US energy companies.
"We finally got him one night when he got his scrotum caught on a zipper while shagging Condi Rice," a legal consultant to the San Ramon-based corporation said today.
"They were planning an assassination of one of bigoil's greatest secrets, a mysterious and highly reclusive pair who own 99% of the world's oil-generated sovereign wealth funds," the attorney continued.
"But they were thwarted after Vlad's scrotum became infected and swelled up ten times its normal size.
"Condi had to take him to the emergency room where medics wanted to treat him for a suspected case of elephantiasis of the balls.
"The video posting on the internet of his reactions would make a great pick-me-up for millions who loathe the sight of the fetid little prick."
The Altair Voyager is one awesome tanker.
