Blindfold and pin to replace DNA testing in Matthews case

Funny story: Blindfold and pin to replace DNA testing in Matthews case

In a move sure to cause controversy, the team heading up the continuing Shannon Matthews case have confirmed they are to dispense with costly and time-consuming DNA testing in order to identify members of Shannon's extended family, electing inste...

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Winehouse Favourite For Top Awards

Funny story: Winehouse Favourite For Top Awards

Tattooed and troubled songstress Amy Winehouse has been nominated for three top Ivor Habit awards.

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Vagina Breakfast Platter?

Funny story: Vagina Breakfast Platter?

A Stoke woman has hit the big time after deciding to serve breakfast from her vagina.

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Harry's Mystery Girl Really A Man!

Funny story: Harry's Mystery Girl Really A Man!

In a twist worthy of any film classic, Harry Potter's mystery Aussie girl revealed today "I'm really a man".

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Fray Bentos and Ginsters to drop Prescott as celebrity spokesperson

Funny story: Fray Bentos and Ginsters to drop Prescott as celebrity spokesperson

In a less than surprising move following the former Deputy Prime Minister's astonishing Bulimia revelations, two of the UK's leading meat pie producers, Premier Food's Fray Bentos and Ginster's Cornish Pasties, have independently deci...

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McCain Fund-Raisers Include Prominent Lobotomists

Funny story: McCain Fund-Raisers Include Prominent Lobotomists

Washington AC/DC -(Ass Mess): Over 100 prominent lobotomists catering to the GOP brain-dead are believed to be backing Sen John McCain's White House bid.

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Muslims want to change time

Funny story: Muslims want to change time

A call was made at a conference held in Qatar, by Muslim scientists and clerics to adopt Mecca time to replace GMT although it will still be called GMT, the meaning will be different; no more Greenwich Mean...

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Britney Spears to Star in New Woody Allen Movie

Funny story: Britney Spears to Star in New Woody Allen Movie

Former actress and pop singer Britney Spears will attempt to revive her career when she appears as Woody Allen's love interest in his newest film, "Pomp and Curcumcision." The actor/director is famous for casting younger women as his love intere...

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Butlins Cocaine Confusion

Funny story: Butlins Cocaine Confusion

Butlins claims to have 'excited' customers booking up for the summer season by announcing they will not be filling their swimming pools with any water.

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Four out of Five Americans Can't Find "Munchkinland" on Map

Funny story: Four out of Five Americans Can't Find "Munchkinland" on Map

A recent survey conducted by Marist College found that four out of five Americans cannot find Munchkinland on a map of the United States. While most Americans could find Kansas and Nebraska, the inability to find Munchkinland has made Americans the...

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This week's anti-news

They may run shed 5 at Heathrow a little terminally, but nevertheless, British Airways are poised to unleash the mobi-morons on the weary sky traveller this summer. Now, nowhere will be safe from chattering classes glued to their handsets - those who won't be able to survive even the most normal, off-limit phone kiosk in the sky to loudly announce to their significant other "Hi Honey.....

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Backfiring for Lord Mayor of London

Funny story: Backfiring for Lord Mayor of London

Well, with the 1st of May not far off (rumour has it that it may even be a day nearer tomorrow), the mayoral candidates for London are backfiring on all cylinders.

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Technology rules No K

Funny story: Technology rules No K

Well, I allowed myself to be swayed by the salesman's patter and bought a wireless keyboard and mouse, thinking it would enable me to use my laptop with a modicum of laziness as I watched "Have I got News for You" and" repeats of "Grumpy Old Men" in front of the idiot box.

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Awards for Crack

British train wreck with talent Amy Winehouse has been nominated for three fresh awards which insiders in the music industry say are offcially 'the bollocks'...

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Model Slams Prescott

A top super model has hit back at Jonathan Prescott's confession to suffering from the eating disorder bulimia.

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Tiger Woods' Secret Reverse-Lasik Surgery Revealed

Funny story: Tiger Woods' Secret Reverse-Lasik Surgery Revealed

Orlando- Five days after successful knee surgery, golfing champion Tiger Woods underwent reverse-Lasik surgery at an Orlando clinic and is said to be in pretty-good condition. "While his knee recovers, Tiger thought this would be a perfect time...

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New bionic arse could help thousands

Funny story: New bionic arse could help thousands

A team at St. Time-on-its-hands Hospital, London, have made an amazing breakthrough by creating, for the first time ever, an entirely artificial bionic arse. The arse, clinical trials suggest, could perform equally as well as a real arse and, perhap...

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New Terrorist Threat!

Funny story: New Terrorist Threat!

Spoof Reporter Cal Jennings was sent to cover the latest announcement by President Bush. It seems that the Bush administration has uncovered a new threat to America... artists and musicians... musical artists... uh, however you say it.

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PC goes mad after PC gone mad causes PC to go mad

Funny story: PC goes mad after PC gone mad causes PC to go mad

A Police Constable has today gone mad after his Personal Computer went mad due to being loaded with Politically Correct data containing what a fellow PC described as "PC gone mad".

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Daniel Radcliffe Searches For Australian Girl

Funny story: Daniel Radcliffe Searches For Australian Girl

Daniel Radcliffe, who plays the title character in the Harry Potter films, is looking for a girl. Unfortunately, he does not know her name, her age, exactly where she lives, or anything else about her.

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Radders Turns Tea Boy

Funny story: Radders Turns Tea Boy

Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe has stunned the cast on set of the latest movie by making tea and coffee for production staff as if he was some low scum of the earth and not an international movie star.

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"Derren Brown Made me Gay" Barrymore Speaks out

Funny story: "Derren Brown Made me Gay" Barrymore Speaks out

After Derren Brown; stage illusionist and celebrity hypnotist, sensationally apologised to his female fan (Molly Bridges of Blackburn) for being gay, former darling of Saturday night TV and doyen of Hampstead Heath, Michael Barrymore has accused the...

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Axl Rose Forms Supergroup of Gingers

Funny story: Axl Rose Forms Supergroup of Gingers

Guns 'N Roses frontman Axl Rose has formed a super group made up entirely of famous red-haired artists and intends to do a world tour before the end of this year.

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Prescott unveils new 'stomach pump' diet

Funny story: Prescott unveils new 'stomach pump' diet

Fat and useless MP John Prescott's risible claims to have suffered from bulimia, have been revealed to be a cynical ploy to publicize his latest slimming book entitled Eat Yourself Thin The Prescott Way it has been revealed tonight. Prescott's die...

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No More News for Newspapers

Funny story: No More News for Newspapers

(LONDON) Broadsheet newspapers have struggled for years to keep up with the popularity of the tabloid press. They opted to maintain the high ground by publishing factual news in the vain hope of attracting the 'intelligent reader' niche marke...

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Cubs Assemble Roster of Hellraisers for 2008

Funny story: Cubs Assemble Roster of Hellraisers for 2008

Chicago Cubs general manager Jim Hendry believes that he has finally come up with the winning formula to break the team's 100 year World Series drought.

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Paris Hilton writes a dieting book

Yesterday Paris Hilton launched her very own book called "Vegetables." The new dieting book, written my Paris herself, is set to be a huge seller. Apparently Paris's book is about what diets worked best for her! The word ME creeps up a lot.

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Scrap the 10p lower tax rate - survey shows lethargic reaction

Funny story: Scrap the 10p lower tax rate - survey shows lethargic reaction

I discovered a top secreat report from the inland revenue on why they scrapped the 10p lower tax rate leaked survey of the average person from the council estates of England gave some shocking results.

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New Big Boat Launched

Funny story: New Big Boat Launched

The largest cruise ship in the world when launched, the Royal Caribbean cruise liner "Genesis", has been so named because the owners wisely realised that to call it "Motorhead" or "Alice Cooper" would have been extremely...

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Poor Schooling in Britain

The poor state of English, maths, history, geography, science, French and everything else taught in state schools, is being blamed on the 6-fold rise in the employment of unqualified teachers in schools to almost 17,000.

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Sophie Jayne is a murderer (but I still love her!)

Funny story: Sophie Jayne is a murderer (but I still love her!)

The son of TheSpoof.com writer Jesus Budda was cruelly murdered by Sophie Jayne, it was revealed last night.

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Thin French Models Face Jail

Funny story: Thin French Models Face Jail

In a move that has stirred the fashion trade into state of complete inactivity, France has decided that the publication of photographs of ultra-thin and semi-comatose models could lead to a jail sentence. It has also been noted that many models have...

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Halifax Howard soon to be ex-Halifax Howard

Funny story: Halifax Howard soon to be ex-Halifax Howard

The Halifax Building Society may have 18 million quid to squander on glossy advertisements while they stealthily increase their mortgage rates, but their in-house star of scream and strange (sic) Howard Brown, looks doomed to return to the PR departm...

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Feds probe Charles Manson/ Warren Jeffs carnage links

Funny story: Feds probe Charles Manson/ Warren Jeffs carnage links

Death Valley - (Rotters): FBI agents are ready to start excavating four potential burial sites at Charles Manson's former Helter Skelter Ranch in Death Valley.

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Milk Stolen From Doorstep

Funny story: Milk Stolen From Doorstep

Callous thieves are thought to be behind the callous theft of three bottles of milk which were taken from an old lady's doorstep in Ipswich, say Suffolk police.

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Snow White Arrested in Texas

Funny story: Snow White Arrested in Texas

Acting on a tip off from the evil queen, Texas officials have entered the compound of the Church of the Seventh Vertically Challenged Adventists and taken Snow white into custody.

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Shadows Are Terror Threat, Chertoff Announces

Funny story: Shadows Are Terror Threat, Chertoff Announces

WASHINGTON - Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has announced plans to use spy satellites, drone aircraft, and surveillance cameras to track the movements and activities of anyone who casts a shadow.

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OPEC debates wholesale market in underage females to offset rocketing crude prices

Funny story: OPEC debates wholesale market in underage females to offset rocketing crude prices

Vienna, Austria - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): An emergency session of the OPEC ruling council has debated the wholesale marketing of underage females to offset the rocketing price of crude which is nudging $120 a-barrel today.

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Polygamist Temple Beds "Used for Sex With Rich Republicans"

SAN ANGELO, Texas (FMLiveWire) -- Hundreds of children who were taken from the polygamist cult ranch here by Texas child welfare authorities will remain in state custody, a judge ruled after learning they were bred to have sex with rich Republicans.

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Hillary Nukes Philadelphia

Funny story: Hillary Nukes Philadelphia

(Harrisburg PA) Hillary Clinton launched a 25-megaton hydrogen bomb at Philadelphia from her campaign headquarters at 3 AM this morning. Two smaller nuclear missiles hit the Philadelphia suburbs moments later. The Obama hot spots were totally inciner...

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Anti-Clot Drug Could Spare Thousands

Funny story: Anti-Clot Drug Could Spare Thousands

A new anti-clot drug could spare thousands of young females all over the world from embarrassing and potentially terrifying experiences.

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Prescott Claims Press Misunderstood Bullimia Claims

Funny story: Prescott Claims Press Misunderstood Bullimia Claims

Former Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott today claimed that he never said he was suffering from Bullimia Nervosa and that the Press have completely misunderstood what he actually said.

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Tube Comedy Deemed Offensive

Funny story: Tube Comedy Deemed Offensive

A new comedy film due to be released about deaths in Britain's Tube stations has been deemed offensive by the National Transport Union.

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Plus Size Role Model Speaks Out Against Anorexia

Funny story: Plus Size Role Model Speaks Out Against Anorexia

Plus Size model, Jen Hunter, 25, has spoken out in an effort to deter impressionable young women from dieting to themselves to death. Jen, who at 7 stone 2 pounds (98 pounds) is classed as Plus Size in the modelling industry says that there is fa...

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Pope Blesses Bush, Pentagon, Israel, the Church

Funny story: Pope Blesses Bush, Pentagon, Israel, the Church

THE VATICAN (FMLiveWire) - Returning to Vatican City after his US visit, the Pope blessed the Bush Administration, the Pentagon, his own Church and Israel in a special mass.

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P.E.S.T.

'When the cat's away, the mice will play' is a general truth, but tying down the cat and releasing the mice is a heinous crime.

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Polygamist Wife Denies Larry King Wedding Proposal

Los Angeles-A polygamist wife interviewed April 16 on CNN's "Larry King Live" has denied a story that the 74 year-old talk host pleaded with her to fly to Las Vegas to wed.

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English Majors Debate "Zipless Fuck"

Funny story: English Majors Debate "Zipless Fuck"

At the annual convention of jobless English majors, now a clear majority of that prestigious grouping, the most popular symposium was one debating the meaning of the phrase, zipless fuck in the seminal feminist novel "Fear of Flying" by Erica Jong.

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Python Bites Hand that Feeds It!

Funny story: Python Bites Hand that Feeds It!

Fresh on the heels of the Pet store customer who tried to smuggle a snake in her hot pants, an Eugene, OR pet store owner was bitten and thrown to the floor by a 12 foot Burmese python.

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Pope Benedict Describes Horrid Regime

Funny story: Pope Benedict Describes Horrid Regime

Speaking to Catholic youth at St Joseph's Seminary in Dunwoodie, Yonkers, NY, Pope Benedict vividly described a horrid government: " ... a sinister regime that thought it had all the answers; its influence grew- infiltrating schools and civ...

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Linguists Find Children Love to Say: OBAMA!

Funny story: Linguists Find Children Love to Say: OBAMA!

US linguists have discovered that children across the US are surprising their families with the precocious pronunciation of the Democratic leading candidate, Obama.

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Gay fishing tournament up Shit Creek.

Funny story: Gay fishing tournament up Shit Creek.

This years World Gay Fishing Final will be at held at Shit Creek, County Clare on Ireland's wet and windy west coast during the inaugural Spanish Point Gay and Lesbian Festival.

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Tim Duncan born without personalty Doctors confirm

Tim Duncan, power forward for the San Antonio Spurs, has been confirmed by doctors to be without any personalty.

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2girls1cup to start fast food chain

Funny story: 2girls1cup to start fast food chain

Internet legends '2girls' intend to open a chain of quick service restaurants in Europe and the U.S.

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Baby Cats Switch Parties

Funny story: Baby Cats Switch Parties

Washington, DC (Moonbat Times): An intrepid reporter, along with an assigned paparazzi, following Pres. George W. Bush, watched a 2-part tale of feline trickery yesterday morning & evening. The writer & photographer watched Cadillac One early in the...

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Clubbers Maintain Winning Streak

Funny story: Clubbers Maintain Winning Streak

The Newfoundland Clubbers this week stretched their unbeaten record against the Arctic Fur Seals this week with a dominant 220,000 to 4 win.

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High School Musical Star Ashley Tisdale: Going overboard?

Funny story: High School Musical Star Ashley Tisdale: Going overboard?

LOS ANGELES, CA - In a recent dream I had, Ashley Tisdale, got some surgery for her deviated septum, also correcting that adorable bump in her nose. Her fans were devastated of course, but Ashley was not. "Ashley loved her new nose," says a friend...

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Heiress Paris Hilton to start Children's Book line

Funny story: Heiress Paris Hilton to start Children's Book line

LOS ANGELES, CA - Heiress Paris Hilton has more on her mind than just fashion. The hotel chain princess has decided to start her own series of children's books.

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Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus makes drastic descision

Funny story: Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus makes drastic descision

Hannah Montana teen superstar Miley Cyrus has made a drastic decision regarding her career. Cyrus, 15, said in a press statement earlier this week that she is "tired" of her kiddy pop persona, Hannah Montana.

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John Prescott Ate My Hamster

Funny story: John Prescott Ate My Hamster

Following revelations in the press this weekend that former Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott fought a career-long battle with bulimia, legendary British comic and environmental campaigner Freddie Starr has finally broken more than twenty years of...

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