Jobless forced into past-life therapy

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Thursday, 24 April 2008

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Employed during the War of the Roses, but not since.

Long-term EU unemployed are being forced into "regression therapy" in the hope that coming to terms with past lives will help them find a job in this one.

Use of the New Age technique has sparked controversy after an unemployed woman in was sent on a 10-week course at a cost of £720.

Other unco-operative welfare claimants have been told they will lose benefits unless they get in touch with their past lives, light candles, wear dolphin friendly shoes, and at least try to be vegan.

Luc de Loopy, the councillor responsible for unemployment affairs, has defended the techniques as a spiritual method for helping the unemployed.

"Reincarnation therapy is a means to get people back to work," he told HippyDippy Times newspaper.

"Past life regression" is a psychological therapy linked to New Age movements, the belief in reincarnation, and the moderate to excessive use of hallucinogens.

Practitioners often use marijuana and hypnosis to induce a trance during which a person is taken back to their past lives and forced to relive any unfortunate business decisions committed in the past, like borrowing to buy up stock in 1929 or investing in bonds for Confederate States of America.

"It is very useful. When someone has a problem finding work it is often more about the need to find out about themselves, and perhaps get in touch with their inner god or goddess. Reincarnation therapy can help," he said.

Last year up to 42,500 people were signed up to New Age "personal development programmes".

Napoleon Bonaparte, Timothy Leary, and Winston Churchill were unavailable for comment.

Tragic Rabbit, HippyDippy Times, Shangri La

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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