Liverpool Owners To Halve John Arne Riise's Wages Due To His One-Footedness

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 24 April 2008

image for Liverpool Owners To Halve John Arne Riise's Wages Due To His One-Footedness
Riise in training with his one leg today

Liverpool have announced that they have made a huge salary cut from the wages of John Arne Riise, on the basis that the scary-looking, blond Norwegian is only able to kick with his left foot.

Riise was the player responsible for Chelsea's equalising goal in the 1-1 Champions League draw on Tuesday night, when he stooped to nod home a cross he could easily have hoofed into the stands, had he got a right foot.

The Norwegian is so one-footed, he often claims on application forms that he is disabled, and Liverpool owners Tom Gillett and George Hicks have finally agreed on something, and halved his massive £50,000-a-week wages.

Liverpool fans were so incensed by Riise's inability to use his right boot, that many have called for him to be axed for the return game next Wednesday.

One supporter, Barry Smackhead, said angrily:

"I have an axe, and I'm willing to axe off his right foot, but nobody would notice, and it certainly wouldn't affect his performance."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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