Liz Hurley's husband to face Joe Calzage
Following the louder than loud 'secret' Wedding of Liz "over here guys" Hurley and Mr "who?" it has been decided that he is hard enough to upset a whole community by invading its beaches and to start a fight (more tradit...
Read full storyCheney Addresses Troop Spending
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Dick Cheney, in a speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, lashed out at Democrats, accusing them of supporting U.S. troops in word but not in action. Cheney said, "anyone can say they support t...
Read full storyVera Lynn Still Alive!
Poppy pushes the Royal British Legion have thrown a right old knees-up for the woman who made the Second World War just that little bit more bearable, Dame Vera Lynn.
Read full storyJames Blunt Spy Scandal
Sources in MI5 have revealed that popular music artist and singer, James Blunt is the grandson of disgraced peer and Russian spy man, Sir Anthony Blunt.
Read full storyDr C 'The True Identity of Jesus'
Charles Langley, 58, an ex CIA Operative in the Middle East arena, now, wreaths in pain from a three-story fall after a drunken pilfering of the bar in the office of the CFO of druid Air's corporate branch offices, in Gary Indiana, on what should have been a perfectly mundane 'black bag' job.
Read full storyActress Salma Hayek Pregnant, Plans to Rival Brangelina's International Family
The Mexican-born Hayek, who is engaged to French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault, has family plans that cross the globe -- plans she first came up with when she starred in "Desperado."...
Read full storyMichael Jackson owes more money than Brazil
Michael Jackson is about to sell his prized Beatles song catalogue to help pay off his debts which are estimated at $900 million. The sale will go ahead on eBay where bidding will start at around $750 million.
Read full storyShiloh Jolie-Pitt Makes Film Debut
The ten-month-old baby just happened to be visiting the set of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," her dad's new movie, when BOTH of the twins hired to individually play a baby scene were having a bad day.
Read full storyGeneral Peter Pace: "Killing Is More Moral Than Gays Kissing"
Ignoring God's golden rule, "thou shall not kill," General Pace called homosexuality, "immoral," and does not feel that it would be appropriate for homosexual people to serve in the U.S. armed forces. General Pace argued that...
Read full storyCongressman Declares his Atheism
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Pete Stark (D-CA) has revealed that he does not believe in the existence of a supreme being, making him the highest ranking public official to make such a public declaration. Reaction has been swift.
Read full storyThree-legged Panda Needs Help Mating
BEJING -- A three-legged panda that lost a leg in a fight seems to be recovering well, other than the fact that it appears she has no sex life. "Niu Niu" lost two-thirds of her front left leg, and the resulting loss of balance has affected...
Read full storyCaptain Colbert. Stephen Colbert to Replace Steve Rogers as Captain America.
Cap has fallen. Hard. Who better to pick up the shield, the mantle, the passion, the AMERICA... than Steven Colbert.
Read full storyBush Calls Americans Cowards
CINCINNATI, OHIO--In a sharply worded speech given to the Cincinnati Chamber of Commerce today, President Bush lashed out at the majority of Americans who do not support him as "...cowards bordering on traitors."...
Read full storySatangate heats up the Capital
WASHINGTON D.C. - Recently leaked visitor records from Vice President Cheney's office reveal a startling number of visits by Satan over the past six years. According to the records, the Vice President saw Satan more than 23 times since 2000.
Read full storyLaura Left Behind
Washington D.C. - An embarrassed White House admitted today that First Lady Laura Bush had been inadvertently left behind in the village of Iximche while touring Mayan ruins during the President's Latin American visit.
Read full storyRepublicans create "Truth Squad" in House of Representatives
From the people who brought you the IRAQ war-- sans Body Armour for the Troops they claim to support with such Patriotic Vigor.
Read full storyStern defends witch hunt victim teacher's accusers
Central Islip, NY - (Ass Press): The defence attorney for a Hamptons Bay school which sacked specialist teacher Lauren Berrios has defended his client's complaint that her post was terminated because of witchcraft concerns.
Read full storyGlobal Warming - Planet Will Become Too Hot To Walk On
Scientists studying the effects of so-called Global Warming have said that the Earth may become so hot, that it will be impossible to stand on its surface in bare feet.
Read full storyBritney Spears lesbian sex tape besmirches the American Flag
As an American, I was proud that we had produced the worlds greatest singer and actress.
Read full storyDon't Ask, Don't Tell... For God's Sake Don't Comment. Peter Pace Picks a Public Place for Prejudice.
General Peter Pace, the Joint Chiefs Chief, has labeled homosexuality as immoral.
Read full storyWhite Plains sweet sixteens' vagina suspensions rescinded amid lawsuit fears
White Plains, NY - (ReUterus): Three sixteen year old students who were suspended from John Jay High School in Cross River for saying the 'V' word are to sue despite being reinstated by their school.
Read full storyFame Academy Shaun's Secret Success Secret Revealed
Viewers of BBC1's Comic Relief Does Fame Academy have been stunned by the high standard of performances given by some of the celebrity participants on the show, but the singing prowess of one of the contenders should come as no s...
Read full storyGlobe Warming More Quickly Than Climate Changing
An new environmental report contains a warning that new research has shown a hitherto unforeseen phenomenon could have a devastating effect on all of our lives.
Read full storyRay Santilli's Anna Nicole Smith autopsy video imminent
Fort Lauderdale - (DissassoCIAted Press): Ray Santilli is to publish his own autopsy probe into the death of Anna Nicole Smith after mass protests of an official cover-up by the Florida authorities about the starlet's mysterious death last month.
Read full storyNew slime in Diana Fountain spells out strange heiroglyphs
London - (Assinine Press): Strange slimy simulacra have begun appearing on the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain bed in London's Hype Park in the form of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs.
Read full storyLatest from Beverley Hills
Forget size zero. Forget lollipop ladies. All that is so last week. Since Zoe Thin set size minus 4 - the so called 'string of pearls' - as the target for Beverley Hills fashionistas Kate Tiny has disappear...
Read full storySaddam Would Have Won the Nobel Peace Prize
Documents presented to The Spoof show that Saddam Hussein was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize last year. The documents, confirmed as genuine by experts, show that the executed former leader of Iraq was about to win the cov...
Read full storyAmerican Army Anal Analysis
Gay rights groups in the US have complained and made slightly effete whinging sounds after the country's top military commander said he believed homosexual acts were a bit icky and the very thought of two men kissing made him want to miss...
Read full storyRock Superstar Zodiac Dies
The rock singer and accordionist Xerxes P Zodiac, of the 1970s supergroup 'Xerxes And The Xylophones', has died aged 103 after a long illness and a short haircut.
Read full storyVP Cheney Thanks AIPAC For Staging 9/11
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Speaking for the first time since the felony conviction of his top deputy Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney thanked the American-Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) for arranging the 9/11 attacks and supporting him in blaming Iraq...
Read full storyAttorney General Gonzales blames chief of staff for errors, blames children for broken window in house.
Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has rejected loud calls for him to resign. Instead, in a classic piece of political nastiness, he has blamed everything on the person under him, his Chief of staff Kyle Sampson.
Read full storyLord Is Four-Letter Word Just Like "Elec"!
The Baroness Boothemroyds has concocted a top ten list of the reasons why Lords should not have to be elected:...
Read full storyChristmas arrives early due to global warming
Increased levels of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere are disrupting the natural holiday cycle, according to scientists at the Public Holiday Research Institute.
Read full storyBrooke Shields has a new career
Brooke Shields, despite Tom's chastising, begging, pleading and threats, has embarked on a new career - Postnatal depression psychology.
Read full storyBBC In A Spin Over Axeing Of Latest Children's Show...Before It's Even Been Aired!!
The BBC has today pulled the plug on what it had hoped was going to be the saviour of kiddies TV, following a severe rap on the knuckles from TV watchdog OFCOM.
Read full storyAngelina Jolie is Outraged!
Naomi Campbell move over there is a new outraged, tantrum throwing bella on the block - ANGELINA JOLIE.
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell Lists Her Other Inversion Therapies
Talk-show host and well known lesbian Rosie O'Donnell made headlines last week when she announced that she has suffered from depression for years. She then proceeded to use the stage on her show "The View" to demonstrate her method of...
Read full storyPope Benedict XVI reaffirms traditional church positions
VATICAN CITY -- Pope Benedict XVI has issued a statement reaffirming the church's traditional stances on remarriage and gay marriage, encouraging the return to the use of Latin in ceremonies, and calling on Catholic politicians to follow the chur...
Read full storyKermit The Frog is Running for President
Kermit the Frog announced on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno that he is running for president on the Green Party ticket. He knows that winning the presidency will be hard since he is running a Green Party candidate and although the green party is n...
Read full storyDear P4G: It's a Sexmergency!
Dear P4G, There's a pair of pups right outside the front porch of our old Kentucky home and they appear to be stuck together in a r...
Read full storyAskFrFred44Giveness Lenten Special!
During the venerable season of Lenten repentance, AskFrFred44Giveness is offering a two sins for one absolution special. You have only to confess half of your sins and the other half will be automatically 4Given.
Read full storyArkansas's legislature addresses punctuation
LITTLE ROCK -- Arkansas Rep. Steve Harrelson has introduced a resolution to declare that the official way to form the possessive of the state is "Arkansas's." The dispute arises because different stylebooks have different usages for f...
Read full story"TweenThe Cheeks" Launches New Revolutionary Swimwear Line!
"TweenTheCheeks" swim suit manufacturer and originator of the thong will be pushing the envelope between the butt cheeks this summer with the personalized butt plug. Hot mama's across the planet's beaches will be displaying the face...
Read full storyChris "The Beheader" Simon Traded to London Tower Hockey Association
In an unprecedented international trade, National Hockey League Long Islanders Chris "The Beheader" Simon has been traded to the British Islanders of the London Tower Hockey Association. Simon's twenty-five game suspension will be cance...
Read full storyIran reacts to '300'
TEHRAN -- Iranian officials lashed out at Hollywood in the wake of the release of "300," an epic film depicting the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 B.C. "Hollywood declares war on Iranians" screamed the headline in the state-run ne...
Read full storyBarbara Bush: I raised my boys on fine food
In a television interview, former President George Bush's wife Barbara told America that their boys' wholesome upbringing included dinners of sheep testicles.
Read full storyScientology Center paying Penelope Cruz hush money?
Los Angeles - (Dissassociated Press): Dusky, glamorous and utterly captivating Oscar-nominated beauty Penelope Cruz remains a steadfast enigma as the Hollywood press clamour to scoop the headlines of her imminent initiation into the Scientology cult.
Read full storyMental Disorders in Administration and Troops Parallel!
Bush-Blair, the whacky twins of the Baghdad Sandbag, have each independently been diagnosed with "psycho-social or behavioral disorders" In a bizarre coincidence, 25% of the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi war veterans have had psychiatrists...
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