Cheney Addresses Troop Spending

Funny story written by Selmer

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

image for Cheney Addresses Troop Spending
"We must support our troops, as long as there's something in it for me."

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Dick Cheney, in a speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, lashed out at Democrats, accusing them of supporting U.S. troops in word but not in action. Cheney said, "anyone can say they support the troops, and we should take them at their word. But the proof will come when it's time to provide the money." Cheney called their reluctance to provide necessary fiscal support for troops a "slow bleed" strategy.

When questioned about how that philosophy squared with the well-documented and highly publicised neglect for troops upon their return at medical facilities here in the U.S., Cheney looked puzzled then explained, "Those kinds of things aren't provided by Halliburton, so it's none of my concern."

Recent reports document that medical care is not the only trouble that troops face upon their return to the states. Estimates are that some 60,000 marriages have dissolved among homecoming armed forces members. Often, these divorces are attributed to lack of funding for assistance in dealing with Post Traumatic Distress Syndrome. Cheney dismissed these reports with a wave of his hand. "That's social programs spending. We're Republicans, we don't do that."

"Look," Cheney explained, "It's not as simple as it sounds. We've got to spend for the troops in battle to keep important assets like Haliburton in sound financial shape. Plus, that kind of spending helps us at the ballot box. The kind of touchy feely crap you're talking about doesn't matter."

Cheney summed things up this way, "Once the servicemen and women are back in this country, they're no longer defending us. It's a volunteer army, right? We've got better things to do with our money than bail them out for their stupid choice to sign up."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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