Scientology Center paying Penelope Cruz hush money?

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

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Cruz: luscious, enigmatic and totally sphinx-like

Los Angeles - (Dissassociated Press): Dusky, glamorous and utterly captivating Oscar-nominated beauty Penelope Cruz remains a steadfast enigma as the Hollywood press clamour to scoop the headlines of her imminent initiation into the Scientology cult.

But the lady is a total pro and there are no doubts who is calling all the shots as Scientology's LA Celebrity Center bends over backwards to keep her sweet and away from a megabux deal where she would star as L Ron Hubbard's first wife in a true life docu-movie about the wife-beating, heroin addicted, child-kidnapping, psychotic satanist's early years.

Cruz has been spotted at the Center several times during the last few weeks and has retained a glamorous but utterly Sphinx-like demeanor.

Her former two year relationship with Scientology's latest blue eyed boy Tom Cruise was seen by some as a precursor to fully fledged espousal of the cult.

But to others, notably former Israeli ambassador to El Salvador Tzuriel Refael, Cruz has been a covert CIA operative on a mission to penetrate the sinister organization and prepare the way for an indictment by the Justice Department of mass global child molestation charges.

Refael was found two weeks ago in the San Salvador embassy compound mysteriously drunk, drugged, trussed up in tacky bondage gear and gagged in both orifices with tennis balls.

A Tel Aviv de-briefing saw him confirmed as having spied and possibly compromised Cruz's penetration role in a move that could have damaged the CIA's top command echelons.

Mossad is now desperately fighting a rearguard offensive since Tzuriel blabbed away the news of Cruz's covert role in an outing seen many as similar to Scooter Libby's exposure of Valerie Plame.

The Hubard bio pic proposal may be their best bet as Cruz continues to stay in role, weighing up the offers, fending off the paps and juggling some pretty impressive balls.

Baby Suri is nearly one.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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