Increased levels of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere are disrupting the natural holiday cycle, according to scientists at the Public Holiday Research Institute.
A spokesperson told us, "We've been measuring holiday creep for years without realizing it's relationship to climate change. Now, new evidence obtained from ice cores drilled at the North pole suggests that Christmas is approaching much more rapidly than anyone previously thought. This year it could arrive as early as the middle of June."
As a consequence, retailers are facing massive losses as they hurry to clear Easter merchandise from the shelves before the lent season even arrives to make way for Christmas goods, while malls are having to put up decorations and play Christmas songs in a desperate effort to encourage consumer spending."
A spokesman for Greed Piece said, "Nature is fighting back and retailers are suffering the consequences. It serves the bastards right."
