Global Warming - Planet Will Become Too Hot To Walk On

Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

image for Global Warming - Planet Will Become Too Hot To Walk On
Prof. Zirconis and his team hard at work

Scientists studying the effects of so-called Global Warming have said that the Earth may become so hot, that it will be impossible to stand on its surface in bare feet.

The claim, made in an article in the monthly science journal Hubble Bubble Toil & Trouble, has been made by the team of Professor Zebulon Zirconis, a lecturer in Hokus Pokus at the University of Wichita Lineman.

"Globe warming", says Prof. Zirconis, "is a very dangerous thing to be doing, and we would be foolish to warm it any more. That would be asking for trouble."

In the article, he goes on to highlight the dangers of utilising the world's resources in such wasteful ways as he says we are doing at the moment.

"Leaving a light bulb on for a year (in scientific terms a 'light year') uses enough energy to leave a second light bulb on for exactly the same amount of time. It's scandalous!", he writes.

"What with increasing carbon emissions and all that crap, the surface of the Earth will be unbearably hot, and special protective footwear will be needed to walk on it."

Prof. Zirconis and his team of nutters have now abandoned their studies, and, in his workshop (The Kitchen) in the kitchen of his home in Eureka, have started to develop the 'wonder shoes' that will be required to deal with the planet's extreme heat.

Although the team have attracted criticism after it was revealed that the development process was creating millions of tonnes of CO2 waste, the mad Professor was unrepentant:

"If you can't stand the heat, get out of The Kitchen!", he laughed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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