Northern Exposure: Bush to Call Up Scouts

WASHINGTON D.C. - Just days after announcing his intention to station National Guard troops along the U.S. border with Mexico, President Bush made an unexpected statement today concerning the Canadian border.

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More Porn For UK Troops

Funny story: More Porn For UK Troops

British soldiers are said to be waiting in eager anticipation the activation of the British military's Skynet 5 porn satellite.

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Are you a genius? Donate DNA

Funny story: Are you a genius? Donate DNA

In a last minute attempt to rally the failing company from bankruptcy, Genetics Savings & Clone has opened its cryogenic storage facilities to preserving the DNA of geniuses.

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Hurley Wedding Rights Flogged to "Asian Babes"

Funny story: Hurley Wedding Rights Flogged to "Asian Babes"

In an embarrassing administrative blunder, the exclusive image rights for Elizabeth Hurley's wedding to Arun Nayar have been secured by down-market hardcore jazz mag Asian Babes.

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China Developing Human Computer Chips

Funny story: China Developing Human Computer Chips

In 2004, researchers from the University of Florida grew mouse brain cells on a computer chip and trained them to pilot a flight simulator.

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Canine Congestion Charge hits Central London

Funny story: Canine Congestion Charge hits Central London

London - (Ass Press): New rules governing the exercising of dogs in public come into force on Monday 12 March which will see a new canine congestion charge imposed on Central London.

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Gambling the West Ham way

Funny story: Gambling the West Ham way

Family club West Ham United find themselves in an unwelcome spot of bother, with rumours running rife that the club is awash with indiscipline, depression and losing gambling addictions.

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Bush visits Bogota crack dealer pals

Funny story: Bush visits Bogota crack dealer pals

Bogota - (Ass press): Scareforce One has finally touched down at Colombia's Bogota Airport in what is being billed as the highlight of George W Bush's flagship crack barons tour.

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Why Chaney Didn't Testify

Funny story: Why Chaney Didn't Testify

Defense Attorney's in the Scooter Libby Trial answered questions as to why V.P.Chaney was not called upon to testify for the defense as Chaney is currently off in the Yukon on a hunting trip with Eskimo Rapper - "Yo Bitch Cook the Fish&quo...

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M.I.T. Challenges President Bush

Funny story: M.I.T. Challenges President Bush

The Prestigeous Massachusettes Institute of Technology took issue with President Bush and his treatis on Nuclear Physics.

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Cameron Wants His Membership Of The Bullingdon Club "Hushed Up"

Funny story: Cameron Wants His Membership Of The Bullingdon Club "Hushed Up"

It's no wonder the Tories didn't want David Cameron's association with the upper class arses' club, The Bullingdon, made too public when photographs of him in full club regalia recently came to light.

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Giant Squid Found, Says Mankind Are "The Worst Seekers Ever"

Funny story: Giant Squid Found, Says Mankind Are "The Worst Seekers Ever"

Most Giant Squid remains have been found in the stomachs of Sperm Whales. This has led some of the stupider Marine Biologists to theorize that the belly of the Sperm Whale is in fact the natural habitat of the Giant Squid. Finally, today, we have p...

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Batman Gets All - Star Cast, Katie Holmes Leaves

Funny story: Batman Gets All - Star Cast, Katie Holmes Leaves

The next Batman movie already promises to be better than the last with the news that Katie Holmes has quit the production.

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Barcelona and Real Madrid in Incredible, Amazing, Outstanding Match...Neither Win.

Funny story: Barcelona and Real Madrid in Incredible, Amazing, Outstanding Match...Neither Win.

In what has been touted as a 'classic' Super Classico, neither Barcelona or Real Madrid have managed to actually win.

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Zion Oil prospectors want Passover Island name change

Funny story: Zion Oil prospectors want Passover Island name change

Wacko, Texarse - (Assinine Press): Texan oil prospecting midget Zion Oil has asked the UN to rename the Pacific Ocean's most intriguing archaeological site Passover Island after claims that the Lost Tribe of Israel annexed it thousands of years a...

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Tyler Hansbrough through the heart of darkness resurrected

Funny story: Tyler Hansbrough through the heart of darkness resurrected

Watching yesterday's game against Boston College, it was evident that the power forward for the North Carolina Tarheels nicknamed, "Psycho T" was getting his game back.

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End of prohibition in the US comes as news to remote Scottish island

Funny story: End of prohibition in the US comes as news to remote Scottish island

A Scottish whiskey distiller on the Isle of Islay, an island off the coast of western Scotland is to reopen 80 years after it was closed as a consequence of US prohibition laws introduced in 1920. Prohibition ended in 1933, but it has taken 74 years...

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Chaney and Eskimo bag Walrus

Vice President Cheney and Eskimo Rapper "Yo Bitch Cook The Fish" went off on a hunting trip to the Yukon following the Libby verdict, and apparently have bagged a Walrus.

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Flintstone fans up in arms as James Cameron shakes their bedrock

Funny story: Flintstone fans up in arms as James Cameron shakes their bedrock

Easter Island has been discovered to be the actual location of the town of Bedrock, long thought to be fictional, according to new archaeological evidence to be presented in a forthcoming documentary by James Cameron.

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Dib Dib Dib? More Like Fib Fib Fib!

Funny story: Dib Dib Dib? More Like Fib Fib Fib!

Well beat me with a wet lettuce and call me Shirley!...

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Stephen King To Work With New Genre

Funny story: Stephen King To Work With New Genre

Celebrated horror and suspense novelist Stephen King has decided to try his hand at another genre. In the past, he has written such things as Carrie, Cujo, Christine, Silver Bullet, The Lawnmower Man, The Stand, and several other books that were gen...

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Santa Claus Has North Pole, Bunny Has His Easter Island

Funny story: Santa Claus Has North Pole, Bunny Has His Easter Island

For centuries, archaeologists have had it wrong. Such eminent scientists as Margaret Mead and Thor Heyerdahl have theorized that the giant stone statues of Easter Island are actually Gods of the people or represtantions of former tribal leaders. In...

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NCAA Announces Brackets for Basketball Tournament

Funny story: NCAA Announces Brackets for Basketball Tournament

The NCAA has announced the brackets for their annual March Madness tournament, but with a twist. All 64 teams in the tournament will come from the Big East, ACC, SEC, Big Ten, Pac 10, and Big Twelve. All other conference winners and represtentative...

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Easter island: Incest eggs orgy shame

Funny story: Easter island: Incest eggs orgy shame

Easter island- This small isolated outcrop of rock stranded in the vast blue desert of the pacific ocean is known the world over for its mysterious giant stone heads and its barren treeless hills.

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Easter Island Chocolate Candy Recalled

Funny story: Easter Island Chocolate Candy Recalled

LUNDON, ENGLUND (IPU)--Cadbury, the British candy manufacturer, has announced a recall of some 30 million tons of Easter Island Statue candy not properly labeled with warnings for those with bad backs & herni...

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Easter Island Statues Actually Petrified Peeps

Funny story: Easter Island Statues Actually Petrified Peeps

Archaeologists on Easter Island have made an incredible discovery in relation to the large statues. They have learned through research and chemical analysis that the large faces are actually petrified peeps (the Easter candy). Scientists assumed fo...

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300 Breaks Weekend Box Office Records

Funny story: 300 Breaks Weekend Box Office Records

HOLLYWEIRD, CALIFORNIA (BSMOVIE REVIEW)--The bloody warrior film "300," about a legendary battle between the feuding hillbilly clan, The Clintons vs. The McCoys, seemed headed for U.S. numb...

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Mohammed Jones Tapped

Eagle Eyed Security Guard Mohammed Jones has apparently been wire tapped by the National Security Agency Jones Graduated 2nd in his class at the University of Stroudsburgh majoring in...

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