Vera Lynn Still Alive!

Funny story written by Greg Creedy

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

image for Vera Lynn Still Alive!
"Hurry lads, it's Vera!"

Poppy pushes the Royal British Legion have thrown a right old knees-up for the woman who made the Second World War just that little bit more bearable, Dame Vera Lynn.

For the woman many believed long dead, the occasion was an opportunity to reminisce with friends about those golden years when nations were kicking the shit out of one another.

The singer of such classics as "We'll meet again", "The White Cliffs of Dover" and "I've Got a Sausage Just for You My Love", Dame Vera brought joy to millions at a time when a virulent insanity had infected the world.

Although now 90, Dame Vera still has a sparkle in her eyes and a cheeky grin for the boys.

Billy Clothcap, wartime soldier and guest at the party told the Spoof: "I think Vera set many a man's heart aflutter with her singing. It wasn't just the words, it was her voice. Very moving. I can tell you, I went through many a tissue listening to her. No doubt other soldiers did too."

But despite the title "Forces' Sweetheart", Dame Vera was in no way a wartime slapper.

"Those were more innocent times," said Billy. "You wouldn't have caught Vera running around in next to nothing like these modern singers. I see them on television in their knickers and bras, covered in oil and rubbing each other up and down, bending over and flashing their particulars, and I don't know where to look."

The Spoof says, "God Bless you, ma'am!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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