London - (Assinine Press): Strange slimy simulacra have begun appearing on the Princess Diana Memorial Fountain bed in London's Hype Park in the form of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs.
Egyptologists from the British Museum are studying the coded messages which appear to spell out a dire warning on two fronts.
Initial deciphering of the green algae hieroglyph is said to warn William and Harry that their girlfriends are mercenary sluts recruited as fag-hags by a desperate Lord Luce-Cannon, the Lord Chamberlain at Buckingham Palace.
The brown algae translation slates Mohammed Fayed, the Harrabs grocer in Knightsbridge, as the mastermind who bankrolled the 7/7 London bombings along with Ken Livingstone and Tessa Jowl.
A Royal Parks spokesman said today that strenuous efforts are being put in place to sanitise the Fountain bed "but no amount of scrubbers seems sufficient to keep up with the slime which just reappears each time we think we have cleaned up".
Camilla is 69.
