Mastodon Remains found at Construction Site
Southern California - Workers at a Carlsbad construction site found the remains of a prehistoric mastodon last Tuesday.
Read full storyTravel Restrictions to Affect Republican Officials, Says Pelosi
A Republican amendment to an appropriations bill, added by Iowa Representative Steve King, would forbid the use of government funds for officials traveling to Cuba, Iran, Sudan, Syria or North Korea.
Read full storyParis Hilton's mom: My daughter is not a 'Skinky Ho'
The Hamptons - Paris Hilton's mother, Kathy, recently told Barbara Walters that her daughter is, in fact, not a 'Skinky Ho'.
Read full storyBishop Claims "UFO's sent by Satan" are after him
Most recently, a UFO that was described as being a "mile wide" was spotted over the skies of the Channel Islands by local residents, however this was not the first such sighting. Hardly a month ago "mysterious lights" were seen ov...
Read full storyKeane playing for Sunderland next season
At a press conference held earlier today, it was reveled that Roy Keane has passed a medical to play for Sunderland FC.
Read full storyAussies' "F" word gunboat diplomacy saw off pesky Iranians
Melbourne - (Ass Mess): Traditional Australian Navy evasive tactics drilled into every sailor from inception may have won the day in December 2004 when hostile Iranian gunboats attempted to seize two dozen Aussie seamen captive.
Read full storyA few home truths
Since I started writing for "The Spoof" I have had many emails asking me about my background, education and so on. Therefore I thought I would pen a few lines of bio here to placate my fan club.
Read full storyPoisonous Chinese products flooding American market
(Seattle, WA) The shortage of port inspectors has allowed countless dangerous products from China to enter the US marketplace. "We just can't possibly keep up with the sheer number of different items coming in from abroad," said a city...
Read full storyMossad scorn at Ratzinger's imminent conversion to Catholicism
Tel Aviv - (Ass Mess): The head of Mossad has told press reporters that he "nearly pissed himself laughing" at UK press stories that Pope Joseph Ratzinger will convert to Catholicism "within days of meeting with UK Prime Monster Tony B...
Read full storyBaby Corr In Cabbage-Apparel Related Incident
Last night, while performing her first live gig since the break up of her highly successful family Irish pop/rock group, The Corrs, Andrea Corr was rushed to hospital in Watford after suffering a Cabbage-Apparel related incident. No spokesperson was...
Read full storyAlert: Massive chicken recall
A wide variety of chicken products sold in countless stores under numerous brand names is being recalled for a suspected avian flu contamination.
Read full storyBig Brother Oz P*sses Off Mexicans
Today_Aust. (Off the wire) - During a Big Brother theme night, the Mexican flag was shown with stripes reversed before being pelted with slime. The Mexican Consul to Australia, apparently a Big Brother fan, has complained.
Read full storySainsbury's to ban pensioners on Saturdays
Following complaints from a large number of customers, supermarket giants Sainsbury's have decided to take the unprecedented step of banning pensioners from all of their superstores on Saturdays.
Read full storyPetition in favour of chastity ring
Boys at the school attended by virgin Lydia Playfoot have signed a petition urging the head teacher to allow Miss Playfoot to wear the ring.
Read full storyJulia Roberts Gives Birth to "Precarious" in LA
Julia Roberts has given birth to a baby boy at Sinus-Sinus Hope Mercy Sisterhood Hospital (SSHMSH) in Los Angeles, making this her third child with husband Danny Moder.
Read full storySupreme Court says Adult Diapers not just for People with Bladder Control Issues
District of Columbia - Sending a strong signal to the nation, the Supreme Court yesterday ruled 7-to-2 that absorbent undergarments truly are no longer just for individuals who suffer from incontinence.
Read full storyBrad and Angie Want 140 'skinny' Kids
Wanoroboebi (Isandwanna) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have come out and "admitted" for the first time that they want 140 kids! "But, we don't want No fat ones." said Brad.
Read full storyParis Air Show continues stellar safety record, but spectators are let down
PARIS, France (Le Monde Staff Writer) - Event organizers of one of the world's largest air shows at Le Bourgeoisie Airport are close to announcing another safe year without incidents.
Read full storyGeorge Bush Tells Drug Czar to Ban YouTube "Legal High" Videos
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The "Internets" - President George W. Bush signed an order for the Drug Czar, John P. Walters, to crack down on hallucinogenic YouTube Videos.
Read full storyChelsea Buys Africa
Chelsea Football Club has bought Africa in a deal thought to be worth £50m, a statement released to the City revealed today. The deal, expected to generate up to £20m worth of additional revenue each year through the UN 'Balls to Hunger' sch...
Read full storyU.S. To Acquire Canada
(Ottawa) - The United States has made an offer to buy its northern neighbor, Canada, for an undisclosed amount of American dollars.
Read full storyDick Cheney Above the Law
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - "For four years, Vice President Dick Cheney has resisted routine oversight of his office's handling of classified information and when the National Archives unit that monitors classification in the executi...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney Upsets Italian Neighbour
Hollywood heart throb George Clooney has been in trouble with authorities in Italy after a fracas with his neighbour at a home he keeps on the shores of Lake Como.
Read full storyTower of London poised for new inmates tomorrow
London - (Ass Mess): Albion's ancient prophecy that the ravens will leave the Tower of London when the UK's Prime Monster is finally arrested for treason appears to be hours away from its chilling fulfillment.
Read full storyHeather Mills: "I'm trapped like an animal"
London - (Ass Mess): Daft old nonentity Heather Mills has moaned to the press that she feels "trapped like an animal" by Paul McCartney's lawyers after trying to get a £50 million divorce settlement while still actually married to Yorks...
Read full story13 Year Old Virginia Boy's Hugging Leads to Suspension
A thirteen-year-old Virginia boy has been suspended from school for hugging his girl friend in the school cafeteria, a violation of the school's no touching rule.
Read full storyLow attainers 'poor white boys'
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - UK - The most consistent under-achievers in British schools are poor white boys according to a recent study.
Read full story'Mile-high UFO' spotted by British airline pilot
Channel Islands - (Rioters): A British airline pilot has reported the first sighting of a mile-high club UFO over the Channel Islands.
Read full storyChastity Banned in Secondary Schools
A teenage girl, known only as Miss Playsfootsie, has been ordered to remove her "chastity ring" at a school in Horsham, West Sussex in case she offends hoardes of already pregnant schoolgirl classmates.
Read full storyWhy Brian Mcfadden quit Westlife
Forget Osama, TIA...We've hardcore terrorists in our own music industry with Brian Mcfadden (commonly known as lying black hen) and his gang of 12 members teaming to destroy the world with their appaling plans.
Read full storyRodent Elected as President of the United States
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - When George Bush was suddenly taken ill and Dick Cheney had shot himself with his own shotgun, the American people elected a rodent as President of the United States.
Read full storyPresident Bush set to Veto Contraception Aid Bill
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - That's right sports fans! It's baseball time at the White House. The Senate passed a bill favoring aid for contraception to overseas groups that support abortion. President Bush is up at bat, ready to ta...
Read full storyMark Burnett 2009 Survivor Bombshell...New Orleans
(Baton Rouge--LA) It was a gathering of Hollywood's best with federal and state governments' not bad in the state capital of Louisiana as Mark Burnett announced that Survivor 2009 would be in New Orleans. Ray Nagin, Mayor of the hurricane rav...
Read full storyAshdown Accepts Miss World Title
Lord Sir Admiral The Right Honourable Emperor Duke 'Paddy' Ashdown VC MBE KGB has accepted - reluctantly - the 2007 Miss World award.
Read full storySneaky Sneakers
A leaked CIA report has given some indication as to how Osama Bin Laden and many of his Al Qaeda associates have managed to escape from US forces around the world, "they were wearing sneakers" the report states.
Read full storyDuke of Edinburgh: "Muslims a bit funny"
In his latest interview the Duke of Edinburgh sparked controversy by claiming "Muslims are a bit funny". The Prince was being interview by the BBC about his opinions on Britishness.
Read full storyPrescott "Helped Himself"
The Cabinet whip-round for Prime Minister Tony Blair's leaving present has led to accusations of pilfering being levelled against Deputy Prime Minister and womaniser John Prescott.
Read full storyLinkin Park Minutes to Midnight review
Rating-0/5 So after a wait of 4 long years LP is back with their new album Minutes to Midnight. When I first heard the album I could not be...
Read full storyJK Rowling reveals she is a House Elf
In a shocking revelation that has taken our literary world by storm, JK Rowling, the author of Harry Potter series has revealed that she is a house elf.
Read full storyWhite House to be renamed as Black & White House
Washing-ton DC(US&A): This is the kind of news that'll have no impact on people whatsoever but which is published so that our newspaper's pages aren't left blank.
Read full storyWest Ham United To Be Demoted Two Leagues
West Ham United, saved from relegation from the Premier League by a last-minute fit of panic by Sheffield United in May, will be demoted by an incredible TWO LEAGUES when the panel looking into The B...
Read full story64% of Marriages End In Divorce Due to Lack of Money
With the recent rise in divorce rates showing no sign of slowing down, Government think tanks have long expounded their reasons why Great Britain's divorce rate is soaring.
Read full storySheffield United Reinstated To Premier League, Must Change Nickname - Ruling
Sheffield United, the team relegated from the Premier League on the last day of the season in May, are to be reinstated into the top flight, TheSpoof has learned.
Read full storySupreme Court Defines Porn
After being faced with numerous cases involving pornography, the U.S. Supreme Court has set the legal definition of porn as "anything written or published that causes an average or reasonable penis to engorge with blood".
Read full storyGeorge Bush Declares War on Michael Moore
Michael Moore has been informed by the Bush administration that he is being investigated by US Treasury Department for going to Guantanamo. Moore took three firefighters involved in the rescue and clean up effort after the 9-11 tragedy to see if they...
Read full storyParis Hilton Wants to Stay in Jail
Inmates at the Lynwood Correctional Facility are saying Paris Hilton is comfortable where she is and has no desire to return to the mean streets of Beverly Hills and Manhattan. Hilton has requested her lawyer file a reverse appeal to keep her incarce...
Read full storySenate votes to raise car fuel prices
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - The U.S. Senate voted to raise prices for car fuel by increasing the mileage all cars must get to an average fuel economy of 35 miles per gallon for new cars, pickup trucks and SUVs by 2020, raising efficiency stan...
Read full storyMoore's persuasive 'Sicko'
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Hollywood - Michael Moore's film "Sicko" was reviewed today after its Hollywood Premier. The story, while based on 100% real and true events, is rated PG-13 because no child should have to see the horrors of the...
Read full storyHomeopathic Doughnut Diet May Cure Obesity
Winston-Salem, North Carolina - Nutritionists at Krispy Kreme Doughnuts have discovered a promising side-effect that could help cure the obesity epidemic in the US. Apparently, eating only a few sprinkles from the top of a doughnut triggers a natura...
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