USC Awards Scholarship to Zygote

Funny story: USC Awards Scholarship to Zygote

LOS ANGELES, CA - University of Southern California men's basketball coach Tim Floyd announced today that he has obtained an oral commitment from a zygote to attend USC under a full basketball scholarship after completing high school.

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Germany Says No To Tom Cruise WWII Film

Funny story: Germany Says No To Tom Cruise WWII Film

The German Government has said "nein" to attempts by Tom Cruise to film a movie about an assassination attempt against Adolf Hitler. Saying that the noted Scientologist is not a member of a real church, they do not believe he should be per...

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Bong Hits 4 Censorship as Supreme Court gags First Amendment rights

Funny story: Bong Hits 4 Censorship as Supreme Court gags First Amendment rights

Washington DC - (Ass Mes): "This is one sick day for the American Constitution," said a statement from the American Diabolical Liberties Union today after a landmark ruling from the US Supreme Court voted 5-4 to gag the First Amendment rig...

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Cops poised to bust Opus Dei for 7/7 London atrocities

Funny story: Cops poised to bust Opus Dei for 7/7 London atrocities

London - (Ass Mess): Police investigating the 7/7 London terrorism atrocities that killed 52 commuters are poised to swoop on the hierarchy of the Opus Dei organization on the feast day of the patron saint Josemaria Escriva.

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Mormon Church Reaches One Million Missionary Milestone

Funny story: Mormon Church Reaches One Million Missionary Milestone

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has crossed a new milestone. The twelve million member church, founded in 1830, will send its one millionth missionary out "into the field" this summer. The first missionary was Samuel Smith...

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New York Times Fails In Defense of WSJ Against Murdoch

Funny story: New York Times Fails In Defense of WSJ Against Murdoch

The New York Times defended soon-to-be-unemployeed Wall Street Journal editors from Murdoch's siege on the Journal's owners, the Martini drinking Bancrofts.

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Pamela Anderson Gets Naked To Promote Lapdancing Laplanders and Protect Furry Muffs

Funny story: Pamela Anderson Gets Naked To Promote Lapdancing Laplanders and Protect Furry Muffs

Notorious pneumatic-boobed ageing babe Pamela Anderson wants to open a chain of strip joints in her native Lapland. No stranger to getting her wobbling wangers out at every opportunity, including her kids sports days, Pammie has claimed she wants to...

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Lost Chilean Lake Reappears in Sheffield

Funny story: Lost Chilean Lake Reappears in Sheffield

The case of the mysterious disappearing Lake in Chile has been solved after it reappeared suddenly in Sheffield today.

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New Star Trek Series Added to Fall Programming

Funny story: New Star Trek Series Added to Fall Programming

There have been several Star Trek series, but none on the air since the cancellation of Enterprise a few years ago. Paramount Pictures has announced production of a new series to begin showing this fall on NBC. The new show, to be titled Star Trek;...

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Gordon Brown Courts Dummy Chancellor

Funny story: Gordon Brown Courts Dummy Chancellor

Hot on the heals of steeling the hearts of "Britain's Got Talent" audience, ventriloquist Damon Scott's monkey has emerged as the recipient of Gordon Brown's latest Cabinet job offer.

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Venezuela and President Hugo Chavez Prepare For War With U.S.

Funny story: Venezuela and President Hugo Chavez Prepare For War With U.S.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez prepared his nation for war against the United States today during a speech in Caracas. He warned his countrymen that people might die, but that destroying the enemy to the north must be their objective.

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Animal House - Return to Atlantis

Funny story: Animal House - Return to Atlantis

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The recombination of man and beast - According to an article Animal Farm, scientists are touting their accomplishments regarding placing human cells in mice a...

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Harry Potter 7 Secrets Revealed

Funny story: Harry Potter 7 Secrets Revealed

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is not scheduled for release until mid July. Hackers have been trying to break into the publishing company's computers to get the secrets to the new book, while thieves have tried to break into the building f...

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Blair goes to Glastonbury

Glastonbury - the excitement over for another year.Wet and muddy but a good squelch was had by all.

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Britney Spears has Alzheimer's

Funny story: Britney Spears has Alzheimer's

Britney Spears's friend and confidante, Wal Astoria, has revealed that Britney is suffering from Alzheimer's, a disease more often associated with elderly people.

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Bird who crapped on president tracked down and sent to Gitmo

Funny story: Bird who crapped on president tracked down and sent to Gitmo

Washington, D.C. - After a month-long nationwide search involving the FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security and local law enforcement agencies, the bird who attacked President Bush with a stealth shit bomb has been apprehended.

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Baby Dinosaur Runs Rampant In Supermarket

Funny story: Baby Dinosaur Runs Rampant In Supermarket

A real life baby dinosaur has run amok in a local northwest supermarket, killing one man and terrorizing hundreds of innocent bystanders, and security cameras captured the entire ordeal as it unfolded.

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Sanjaya Sister Shyamali Malakar Latest Nude Playboy Playmate

Funny story: Sanjaya Sister Shyamali Malakar Latest Nude Playboy Playmate

Months after their fifteen minutes of fame ended, Sanjaya and Shyamali Malakar are back in the news. Shyamali has agreed to pose nude in Playboy magazine, while brother Sanjaya has agreed to do her hair for the shoot. Both rocketed to fame due to...

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Tyson Gay Sets 200 Meter Record At Meet

Funny story: Tyson Gay Sets 200 Meter Record At Meet

Tyson Gay set a meet record and the year's best time in the 200 meter race at the U.S. Track and Field Championships. His time of 19.62 is second only to Michael Johnson's world record set at the Atlanta Olympics.

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The day that there was no news

Funny story: The day that there was no news

New York. Nothing happened. No car crashes, no deaths, no wars, no nothing. On Thursday, absolutely nothing happened. The news anchors starred at blank teleprompters with open gaping mouths. news papers merely reported the weath...

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Paris Hilton To Pose Nude For Playboy

Funny story: Paris Hilton To Pose Nude For Playboy

Starlet and former inmate Paris Hilton will spend her second week out of jail posing for Hugh Hefner and Playboy. The personality and party girl has accepted a large offer to appear nude in the pages of the magazine. When asked why she was allowi...

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Nancy Pelosi Introduces Toilet Seat Legislation

Funny story: Nancy Pelosi Introduces Toilet Seat Legislation

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and introduced a bill regarding toilet seats. Under the new legislation, if it passes, failure to put the seat down would be punishable as a class C felony. In a male dominated House of Representatives, this measur...

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Outrage as Sonia Gandhi replaces Aishwarya Rai on goddess poster

Funny story: Outrage as Sonia Gandhi replaces Aishwarya Rai on goddess poster

Delhi - (Ass Mess): Congress Party leader Sonia Gandhi's attempt to recast herself on a PR poster as a depiction of the Hindu goddess Durga has provoked outrage in India.

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Cameron Diaz Apologizes For Purse Mishap

Funny story: Cameron Diaz Apologizes For Purse Mishap

Cameron Diaz, the voice of Princess Fiona in the Shrek movies and star of There's Something About Mary, apologized for a problem with her purse in Peru. The bag contained Chinese characters that were offensive to the native people, reminding the...

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Manchester City Takeover Money Is Clean, Says Accountancy Fellow

Funny story: Manchester City Takeover Money Is Clean, Says Accountancy Fellow

The takeover bid for Manchester City by former Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra is completely above board, says the man who brokered the £81.6million deal.

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Nebra Sky Disc sacred geometry says Bush is doomed

Funny story: Nebra Sky Disc sacred geometry says Bush is doomed

Mittelberg, Saxony-Anhalt - (Associated Messerschmitts): A spectacular 3,600 year old gold, copper and bronze ornament dubbed the Nebra Sky Disc carries a stark ancient prophecy declaring the Bush administration is doomed to treason charges.

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VP's office auctions punctuation

Funny story: VP's office auctions punctuation

Washington - The Vice President's office announced today that it has sold the American rights to punctuation of the English language in an auction which had not been advertised to the public; the winners will choose the new names...

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New £20 note shows fingerprinted QEII

Funny story: New £20 note shows fingerprinted QEII

London - (Ass Mess): The new issue £20 is a big hit with the UK's Serious Fraud Office who have praised the Royal Mint's decision to daub purple fingerprinting ink all over the face of the Puppet Monarch.

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It's Mr. Brown and the Queen all over again

Funny story: It's Mr. Brown and the Queen all over again

Prime Minister in waiting Gordon Brown has been seen at Balmoral, the Queens Norfolk estate, leading the Queens horse on more than one occasion.

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Ahoy Mates Let's Drink The Paris Hilton

Funny story: Ahoy Mates Let's Drink The Paris Hilton

A Paris Hilton "devotee", Kieth Richards, dressed as Johnny Depp, playing Captain Jack Sparrow is demanding the heiress' release from prison in the next three days, or else he will "raid, plunder and pillage the entire village of Lynwood."...

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Dame Shirley Bassey Involved In Helicopter Incident, Puts Wellingtons and Underwear For Auction On E-Bay

Funny story: Dame Shirley Bassey Involved In Helicopter Incident, Puts Wellingtons and Underwear For Auction On E-Bay

Dame Shirley Bassey, the Welsh crooner, was involved in a near-fatal helicopter crash yesterday when her expensive pink Julien MacDonald dress became entangled with the copter's blades on her wa...

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Osama Bin Laden Converts to Judaism

Funny story: Osama Bin Laden Converts to Judaism

In a surprise announcement broadcast by Al Jazeera, terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden has announced his conversation to Judaism.

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Charles Manson gives rare NPR interview

Funny story: Charles Manson gives rare NPR interview

PHILADELPHIA (Daily News Staff Writer) - 'Fresh Air' host and National Public Radio darling, Terry Gross, will soon air her interview with convicted murderer Charles Manson. In the past her work has been described as "a remarkable blend of empathy, warmth, genuine curiosity, and sharp intelligence". However, this latest piece promises to deviate slightly from earlier works.

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White House releases 10 commandments for Bush

White House:In accordance to the new commandments that Vatican released for drivers all over the world,and seeing that it was working well with only 20,000 accidents recorded in one week,White House released its own set of commandments for FLUSH.

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Bush's Address to Nation on Depression

Funny story: Bush's Address to Nation on Depression

WASHINGTON - President Bush will address the nation tomorrow evening at 8:15pm concerning his bout with depression and consequential treatment.

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Shrek Takes Ubiquitous Prize

Funny story: Shrek Takes Ubiquitous Prize

NEW YORK - Flotsam magazine has named Shrek as the Most Ubiquitous Fictional Character of 2007, beating out matrons Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth.

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Nottingham Woman Marries Death Row Prisoner

Funny story: Nottingham Woman Marries Death Row Prisoner

A British woman from Nottingham has married a Death Row prisoner who could soon earn a reprieve at a ceremony at a US jail.

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EastEnders Phil Mitchell Decides Not To Marry Stella

Funny story: EastEnders Phil Mitchell Decides Not To Marry Stella

The scriptwriters, production staff and actors of BBC1's EastEnders have pulled out all the stops this week, with a gripping storyline involving domestic violence, misery, child abuse, murder and a little bit

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Satirists Judged "Somewhat Respected" in Latest Public Opinion Poll

Funny story: Satirists Judged "Somewhat Respected" in Latest Public Opinion Poll

A recent Pew research poll puts Satirists in the category "Somewhat Respected" in terms of their professional reputation & public opinion. The survey requested feedback from the general public to compare more than fifty occupations through...

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'Blair Witch Project' takes top honor in AFI's annual Top-100-American-Movies List

Funny story: 'Blair Witch Project' takes top honor in AFI's annual Top-100-American-Movies List

HOWL-E-WOOD - The American Film Institute has unveiled this year's selections for the Greatest American Movies of the past one-hundred years.

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Jon Stewart to Replace Katie Couric on CBS Evening News

CBS and PBS executives have announced major changes in their respective flagship news programs. CBS have said that Jon Stewart of The Daily Show will replace Katie Couric in the coveted Evening News anchor slot and PBS announced that The News Hour Wi...

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Bung Hole to Blame for Foul Odor

Funny story: Bung Hole to Blame for Foul Odor

LONGVIEW, IN - Several people were treated at area hospitals today complaining of choking, nausea, and watering-eyes after a foul stench filled the downtown streets of Longview.

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Ousted Cleric Urges Action

Funny story: Ousted Cleric Urges Action

A strange scene unfolded in a small, independent church in upstate New York this weekend as the recently excommunicated Rev. Cotton Fullafit blasted all critics of mandatory exorcisms in the public schools as being "insensitive to the needs of t...

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Men Applying to Women's Colleges in Record Numbers

Funny story: Men Applying to Women's Colleges in Record Numbers

Male rising high school seniors are applying to women's colleges in numbers not seen since shortly after World War 2 when some men were allowed to attend historically women's colleges on the GI bill due to a shortage of college spaces for men...

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France Evicted From Europe

Funny story: France Evicted From Europe

In a surprise result, France has become the first country in history to be evicted from the populated regions of the Earth, narrowly losing out to Iran in a tense final round of voting.

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Paris Hilton Schedules First Interview After Jail Release and Sets Ground Rules

Funny story: Paris Hilton Schedules First Interview After Jail Release and Sets Ground Rules

Paris Hilton has scheduled her first interview for herself after her prison release. The media darling is scheduled to leave her L.A. Twin Towers prison on Tuesday after getting 21 days off of her 45 sentence for good behaviour.

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Paris Hilton Lands Leading Role in New Broadway Musical Production of Prisoner in Cell Block H

Funny story: Paris Hilton Lands Leading Role in New Broadway Musical Production of Prisoner in Cell Block H

Lynwood, California - Despite having her recording contract canceled by Sony, Paris Hilton was offered the leading role of "Frankie" in a new Broadway musical production based on the popular Australian women's prison 1980s TV series, Pr...

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El Paso Anime Convention Crashed By American Toons

Funny story: El Paso Anime Convention Crashed By American Toons

An anime convention celebrates the art of Japanese animation and cartooning. Works such as Gundham Wing, Princess Mononoke, and Pokemon are discussed and studied by costumed fans possibly slightly more nerdie than trekkies. These socially inept vir...

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Man Finds Commutations Device From Last Milliennium

Funny story: Man Finds Commutations Device From Last Milliennium

(MUSICMAN PRESS) Sunday morning, amateur archeologist, Ty Shoeman, discovered a primitive commutations device, reportedly from the last millennium.

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