FDA Bans Sugar

Funny story: FDA Bans Sugar

The US Food and Drug Administration banned sugar today in an effort to stop the spread of diabetes and other illnesses related to simple carbohydrates. The ban, effective August 1, 2007, covers table sugar as well as a variety of sugar-related produc...

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Bush Declares War in Effort to Retrieve Watch

Funny story: Bush Declares War in Effort to Retrieve Watch

In a nearly unprecedented move today George W. Bush declared war on Iran in retaliation for the Albanians nicking his valuable timepiece.

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Bar tabs could pay for health care

Funny story: Bar tabs could pay for health care

A 2006 Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms accounting of profits from beer, wine and liquor sales uncovered a shocking fact. Americans are spending enough on alcoholic drinks to cover the health care costs of the uninsured.

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Corrupt Bastards Club panics as Congress subpoenas Miers and Taylor

Funny story: Corrupt Bastards Club panics as Congress subpoenas Miers and Taylor

Washington DC - (Ass Mess): The Inner sanctum of the Corrupt Bastards Club is reported to be in a panic tonight as Congress issued subpoenas for two ex-Bush aides - former White House counsel Harriet Miers and political director Sara Taylor.

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Fraudster who stole world wide web idea given Order of Merit

Funny story: Fraudster who stole world wide web idea given Order of Merit

Buckingham Palace - (Ass Mess): Tim Berners-Lee, the man who successfully defrauded the inventor of the World Wide Web and appropriated it under his own pathetic pea-brained ownership has been given the Order of Merit by Old Fatty Mountbatten, the Pu...

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China Cracks Down on U.S. Nuts

Funny story: China Cracks Down on U.S. Nuts

China has initiated a tough crackdown on U.S. food imports, rejecting "rancid" pistachio nuts and promising more tough inspections. U.S. exporters call the accusation a low blow whose effects are being felt in all nut-producing regions.

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Paris Hilton Finds God: God Issues Denial

Shortly after Paris Hilton announced that she found God at the medical facility of the Twin Towers detention center God has issued the following statement:...

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Feta vs. Hummus? One thing in common: Olives

Funny story: Feta vs. Hummus? One thing in common: Olives

GAZA CITY (Reuterus) - Rival factions clashed fiercely again on Wednesday, disputing the relative merits of 'feta' versus 'hummus'. Palestinian families remain deeply divided on this heated culinary debate.

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Celtic Tiger dies in Dublin

Funny story: Celtic Tiger dies in Dublin

(Rooters) Ireland is in shock today as the world famous founder of the worlds most successful economy died as a result of a tragic accident.

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Saint Sarah Silverman, Says The Pope

Funny story: Saint Sarah Silverman, Says The Pope

Comedienne Sarah Silverman has been proposed as a non-clerical candidate to be elevated to sainthood, due to her important participation in exposing offenses committed by popular sinner socialite Paris Hilton, said sources near the United States Cath...

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Rosie Sheds A Few

Funny story: Rosie Sheds A Few

(MUSICMAN PRESS) Television super star Ronnie O'Donnell (formerly Rosie O'Donnell) has reportedly lost 500 pounds, or .25 tons. According to Dr. Rick Head,...

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U.S. Army denies elephant-size, flesh-eating plankton linked to toxic dump in ocean

Funny story: U.S. Army denies elephant-size, flesh-eating plankton linked to toxic dump in ocean

After a series of grizzly attacks of swimmers along America's East Coast beaches by mammoth, flesh-hungry plankton, the Army issued a statement today denying that the mutant sea creatures were linked to the dumping of 64 million pounds of nerve a...

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Stone Cold is Bush's Hero

Funny story: Stone Cold is Bush's Hero

(MUSICMAN PRESS) Move over Superman, Spiderman, Flash Gordon and Jolly Green Giant, there's a new sheriff in town. Not even Pop-Eye the Sailorman can take this hero said President Bush yesterday at a press conference.

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Landis pleads innocent, offers up stool sample as proof

Funny story: Landis pleads innocent, offers up stool sample as proof

LOS ANGELES - After a surprise weekend ruling against Floyd Landis on charges that he cheated during last year's Tour de Franz, the professional cyclist appealed to the next higher court yesterday.

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David Letterman To Run For President In 2008

Funny story: David Letterman To Run For President In 2008

(MUSICMAN PRESS) Former Late Show host, David Letterman, made public his plans to run for the Office of President in 2008. Letterman said that he is well suited because he has been making smart-ass jokes about our politicians for the past thirty year...

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House Of Reps. Passed Carpool Laws

Funny story: House Of Reps. Passed Carpool Laws

(MUSICMAN PRESS) A starling new development out of Washington D.C. today as the House of Representatives passed a bill requiring all persons on the government payroll to carpool to work and back. The new bill does however have exceptions. Any one who...

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Study suggests false immodesty on the rise

Funny story: Study suggests false immodesty on the rise

Lexington, Kentucky - Anthropologists at the University of Kentucky have finished a ten-year study on the daily habits of Americans. Their primary finding: false immodesty is on the rise.

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The Golden Idiot Awards

Funny story: The Golden Idiot Awards

I have written a couple of articles in the past concerning some of the really dumb questions people ask us at work. Questions, however, are only part of the lunacy we put up with sometimes. On occasion, we have whole conversations that seem to go weird.

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Shimon Peres elected as president of Israel

Funny story: Shimon Peres elected as president of Israel

The well-known 84-year old veteran of Israeli politics Shimon Peres has been elected today as the 9th president of Israel, after winning a vote in the Knesset (parliament of Israel) and defeating the two other contestants by a great advantage (51-38-...

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Bookmakers laugh off suggestions Andy Murray, Andy Roddick have Wimbledon hope in hell

Funny story: Bookmakers laugh off suggestions Andy Murray, Andy Roddick have Wimbledon hope in hell

Wimbledon - (Ass Mess): Internet spread-betting index Aintogottaprayer.com has poured scorn that either UK hope Andy Murray or former US Open winner Andy Roddick 'have a hope in hell' of winning this year's Wimbledon Men's Singles Cha...

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Bush's missing Rolex offered on eBay for $100,000

Funny story: Bush's missing Rolex offered on eBay for $100,000

Cyberspace - (Ass Mess): President George Bush's platinum Rolex which vanished in a crowded Tirana walkabaout has appeared for sale on eBay at $100,000.

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Sir Alan Defends Interview Techniques

Funny story: Sir Alan Defends Interview Techniques

London, Wednesday - Ahead of tonight's final of "The Apprentice" airing on BBC1 at 9pm, Sir Alan Sugar has spoken out against the critics of his and his associates' interview approach.

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London building collapse ends Hazel Blears' political ambitions

Funny story: London building collapse ends Hazel Blears' political ambitions

London - (Ass mess): The Westminster building which collapsed yesterday and which had housed Labour Party Chairwoman Hazel Blears's campaign office for her Deputy Prime Ministerial ambitions may be a blessing in disguise according to Whitehall so...

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Naked Paris Hilton in Jail, Added to Satirical Headline Instead of Joke.

Funny story: Naked Paris Hilton in Jail, Added to Satirical Headline Instead of Joke.

In a blatant and obvious attempt to receive hits, the words 'Naked Paris Hilton' have been put in the headline of a satirical article. This comes with the full knowledge that this story will receive more hits than anything that is actually w...

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Spoof Writer Goes Crazy - Attacks Three

Funny story: Spoof Writer Goes Crazy - Attacks Three

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Dublin - An unusually aggressive Squirell, of the Mousse&Squirell writing team at TheSpoof.com, attacked three people in a German town before her last victim knocked her out with a crutch, police said Wednesday.

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Senior sex flasher cleared of judge allegations

Funny story: Senior sex flasher cleared of judge allegations

London - (Ass Mess): One of the UK's most senior sex flashers has been cleared of exposing himself as an Appeal Court Judge to a woman on a packed commmuter train.

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Taxi drivers to suggest all government policies after success of paedophile castration proposal

Funny story: Taxi drivers to suggest all government policies after success of paedophile castration proposal

John Reid, New Labour's Thug-in-chief, has outlined plans to invite the nation's taxi drivers into the policy-making progress. This comes after the success of the "chemical castration" proposal for paedophiles, suggested by cabbie,...

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YouTube Censors Ron Paul Videos

Funny story: YouTube Censors Ron Paul Videos

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Internets - In an effort to block, or at least slow down Ron Paul's extreme popularity on the internet, YouTube has been delaying videos meant for Ron Paul's Iowa Straw Poll campaign. This is only one small part of...

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Exercise Will Kill You, Says Top Doctor

Funny story: Exercise Will Kill You, Says Top Doctor

A top doctor has issued a stark warning to keep-fit fanatics, claiming that all exercise is dangerous, and too much of it could prove fatal.

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Homosexuality: The Truth

1947. A year mixed with controversy and doubt. The war is over and Hitler has been defeated but the human race that inhabits this world still faces a grim problem. With the death of millions after world war two the race of man started to breed like never before. Women were having up to 15 children each, desperate to have the offspring of as many war hero's as possible. The Men would abuse thei...

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Federer To Play Wimbledon With One Hand Tied Behind His Back

Funny story: Federer To Play Wimbledon With One Hand Tied Behind His Back

Roger Federer, the Wimbledon Mens' Singles champion for the last four years, is to play this year's tournament with a pre-arranged and self-imposed handicap, says his coach.

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Billy Bob on the Russians

This here's Billy Bob agin. Ah been heerin on thuh grapevine that are feerless dicktatur is fixin' ta' attak Russia. I shore am proud of our dicktatur. He don't take nuthin' offa nobody. Good ol' George.

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Government Setback for Ill Workers at Nuclear Bomb Plant

Funny story: Government Setback for Ill Workers at Nuclear Bomb Plant

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - LAKEWOOD, Colo., June 12 - The Bush administration Corrupt Bastards recommended Tuesday that thousands of former workers at a nuclear weapons plant be denied immediate government compensation for illnesses that they say result...

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England no more! For global warming war!

Funny story: England no more! For global warming war!

The mood across the land is celebratory as England prepares to make the ultimate sacrifice in the fight against global warming. A source close to the prime minister stated "The prime minster Feels we are losing the battle against flatulence,we dr...

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Lid comes down heavy on repeat sex offenders

Funny story: Lid comes down heavy on repeat sex offenders

New plans to prevent sex offenders from committing terrible and dirty crimes are being announced by the Home Office later today.

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Paris Hilton's Prison Sweat to be Sold on e-Bay

Funny story: Paris Hilton's Prison Sweat to be Sold on e-Bay

A civilian contractor at the Los Angeles County Jail has collected several vials of tainted socialite Paris Hilton's perspiration, and intends to auction them online. The sweat was allegedly gathered from garments worn by Hilton and later picked...

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British Church sues Hal Robford

The Unthinkable has happened. Hal Robford, the lead singer of UK boyband "A Priest Called Judas" has been sued by UK Church Groups!...

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Judge Demo Stuns Courtroom

Accused top judge Stephen "Dicky" Richards has demonstrated his innocence.

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Prince Harry Proposes to Paris Hilton

Funny story: Prince Harry Proposes to Paris Hilton

Somewhere missing, Prince Harry slipped up telling a soldier friend that he is totally head over heels, gaga in love with Paris Hilton. According to sources close to Prince Harry, he's been fixated on Paris ever since he received her sex DVD anon...

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Bob Woolmer Death Mystery Solved

Funny story: Bob Woolmer Death Mystery Solved

Police in Jamaica have finished their investigation into the strange and, thus far, unexplained death of England cricket legend, and, latterly, Pakistan team coach, Bob Woolmer.

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House of Horrors

Funny story: House of Horrors

A bogus plumber has exposed TV's House of Horrors. Eric Forthright, a Yorkshire Trading Standards Officer has revealed a catalogue of deception by television's House of Horrors programme.

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Judge Suing Dry Cleaner for $54 Million Backs Iran War

Funny story: Judge Suing Dry Cleaner for $54 Million Backs Iran War

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The judge suing his dry cleaners for $54 million had to leave the courtroom in restraints and with tears running down his face on Tuesday after fondly recalling his lost pair of trousers and stating that he backed war agains...

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Quixotic Frank and his Posse head West

Funny story: Quixotic Frank and his Posse head West

West Virginia - Massachusetts Representative Barney Frank, the self-proclaimed reincarnate Don Quixote, and his band of 22 supporters are making their way west to 'out' actor Isaiah Washington on the set of his new show, Gay's Anatomy.

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Military takes over JPL; shots fired; deep space Probes coming home?

Funny story: Military takes over JPL; shots fired; deep space Probes coming home?

Pasadena, California - Today a unit of undetermined strength from the 101st Airborne Division was dropped in the hills over looking the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) in Pasadena, California. Taking employees and nearby residents alike by surprise,...

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Turkish 'Very Special' Forces given green light for incursion

Funny story: Turkish 'Very Special' Forces given green light for incursion

ANKARA (Reuterus) - Military officials confirmed today that a unit of Turkish Very Special Forces (VSF) commandos have been granted the green light to conduct covert incursions into Kurdish-controlled Iraq.

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Barney Bush Joins Letterman In Bashing George's Late Show Performance

Funny story: Barney Bush Joins Letterman In Bashing George's Late Show Performance

Barney the White House dog spoke out today on W's performance as the new Late Show host. "Letterman should never have left! Now I have to listen to George practice his jokes all day." Barney says he will protest his master's inar...

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Breakthrough at Sub-Molecular Level WOWS Scientists

Funny story: Breakthrough at Sub-Molecular Level WOWS Scientists

Warren University - A stunning conclusion to a decades long chase took place quite accidentally on May 22 2007 by teams who were trying to prove the existence of the Higgs Boson in exotic experiments using the top particle accelerators of the world&#...

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Bush Wristwatch Planned Daring Defection

Funny story: Bush Wristwatch Planned Daring Defection

In an unusual twist, the George Bush wristwatch has revealed that it planned its own disappearance. The valuable timepiece is currently in hiding in the Albanian countryside and in a secret interview told a BBC reporter of its remarkable defection.

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Study Finds Americans Have Inexplicable Attraction to Luggage Carousels

Funny story: Study Finds Americans Have Inexplicable Attraction to Luggage Carousels

A study by the Feudal Aviation Administration (FAA) shows Americans cannot keep themselves from standing as close to luggage carousels as humanly possible despite the obvious dangers and impracticality.

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Romney eats Red Meat

Funny story: Romney eats Red Meat

Foxnews, MSNBC, CNBC, CNN, ABC, CBS, CNNHeadline News, FOX, AARP, PETA and all other news organization are reporting that Mitt Romney ate scrambled eggs for breakfast with bacon, melon, orange juice and tea.

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