Corrupt Bastards blamed for Dallas gas blasts as DC House Committee votes Contempt of Congress citations

Funny story: Corrupt Bastards blamed for Dallas gas blasts as DC House Committee votes Contempt of Congress citations

Dallas, Texas - (Ass Mess): The Corrupt Bastards Club fired off a series of warning salvos in Dallas, Texas today in a sequence of powerful industrial gas tank explosions timed to coincide with events in Washington DC where the House Judiciary Commit...

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Axl Rose"Slash's hair caused the band to break up"

Hollywood,Ca.(Rooters) In a shocking statement today Axl Rose's assistant's assistant's cousin told the L.A.Times that his cousin told him that Axl Rose told his cousin the real reason the original Guns N' Roses broke up.

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Size Zero model defends herself from Hospital Bed

Funny story: Size Zero model defends herself from Hospital Bed

Top Size Zero model Lily Cole has today hit back at her critics suggesting that there was nothing unhealthy about her lifestyle.

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Thieves raking in on iPhone crack

Funny story: Thieves raking in on iPhone crack

A design flaw in the software of the sensational new iPhone is allowing criminals complete access to their handhelds. Victims are being billed by offshore companies while thieves steal whatever they want from the devices.

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'Lone Building' Theory in Dallas Explosions

Funny story: 'Lone Building' Theory in Dallas Explosions

DALLAS (Heewack News Network) -- Investigators at the site of a series of explosions in central Dallas said they believe a "lone building" was responsible for the mayhem.

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"Atlas Shrieked" monologue big hit

Funny story: "Atlas Shrieked" monologue big hit

Los Angeles - A relatively unknown actor is capitalizing on the recent surge in sales of Ayn Rand's popular fiction novel "Atlas Shrugged" by turning the 1,084-page tome into a one-man show recited at the top of his lungs. Affectionately titled "A...

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Mark Lowton Indicted on Brutality Charges

Funny story: Mark Lowton Indicted on Brutality Charges

Wealthy and powerful newspaper mogul Mark Lowton was indicted yesterday by Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Mark was represented by former O.J. lawyer Robert Shapiro.

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Time Outs Ruled Unconstitutional

Funny story: Time Outs Ruled Unconstitutional

(San Francisco) - The ultra-liberal 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that time outs for children are unconstitutional and constitute abusive, cruel and unusual punishment.

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Booby Darling, instead of Pratibha Patil, as Indian President

It's regrettable that Pratibha Patil become India's President, and was preferred over Booby Darling. Here are the reasons why I thought Booby Darling would have been a much better choice:...

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The Spoof Approves Large Raise for Productive Writers

Funny story: The Spoof Approves Large Raise for Productive Writers

London, England (IP) - News emanating from the Tower of London reveals that many TheSpoof.com writers are to receive a fifty per cent increase in their pay. The CEO of The Spoof spoke to us while he was aboard his private Gulfstream VII jet. He rea...

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U.S. Judge Admits Unfair System

Funny story: U.S. Judge Admits Unfair System

New York, New York (IP) - An interview with an off duty judge has revealed what many have suspected: there have been two standards of justice in effect for as long as there have been courts.

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Farts stink up Dallas

Funny story: Farts stink up Dallas

DALLAS, Texas (Rooters) -- A smell of human gas at a facility that researches farts is making people drop like flies near downtown Dallas. At least two thousand people were injured, hospital officials said.

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Al Qaeda Comes to its Senses

Funny story: Al Qaeda Comes to its Senses

Tantrum State, Pakistan (IP) - An historic event occurred today in Pakistan that promises to bring about world peace and calm to the Middle East and the West.

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Lost dog kills 2,000 by farting

Funny story: Lost dog kills 2,000 by farting

SYDNEY, Australia - A dog that vanished two months ago has been found to have killed 2,000 by farting, media reported Wednesday.

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476 People Die at 2007 Woodstock Music Festival

Funny story: 476 People Die at 2007 Woodstock Music Festival

Woodstock, New York (IP) - Shocking reports filtering out of upstate New York indicate that almost 500 people have lost their lives at the modern day Woodstock Rock festival.

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U-boat up the U-bend

Funny story: U-boat up the U-bend

The flood catastrophe that struck many towns and cities in England was totally avoidable, according to a sewage worker in Croydon.

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Highway to Hull

Funny story: Highway to Hull

Residents of Hull have reacted angrily to reports emanating from Gloucester that the West County has the best flood in England.

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Bush "has a disgusting secret" in London MPs are told

Funny story: Bush "has a disgusting secret" in London MPs are told

London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Members of a Parliamentary Ethics Committee preparing to hear police evidence in the recent cash-for-peerages inquiry have been told that no charges were prought by the Crown Prosecution Service because it was prot...

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Hillary Clinton Gets Lead Role in New Hilton Sex tape

Hollywood,Ca. (Rooters) A source close to Hillary Clinton has stated in a phone call with the L.A.Times that she will be in the new Paris Hilton sex tape.

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Flood Victim Doesn't Blame Government

Funny story: Flood Victim Doesn't Blame Government

A Humberside woman whose home was submerged and her possessions ruined by the recent floods is not expecting the government to bail her out, it has been revealed.

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San Francisco taxi driver slams No #666 registration as satanic

Funny story: San Francisco taxi driver slams No #666 registration as satanic

San Francisco, California - (Rotters): A San Francisco taxi driver, Michael Byrne, is suing the city's official Taxi Commission after it allocated him what he calls a demonic badge number that registers his cab as No 666.

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Good News for Overweight Americans

Funny story: Good News for Overweight Americans

(Washington) - With 60% of the American public being overweight the Federal Bureau of Weights and Standards today announced that federal policies and standards will be adapted to accommodate overweight and obese men, women and children in the U.S.

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Penelope Cruz lashes out at fake mascara claims

Funny story: Penelope Cruz lashes out at fake mascara claims

Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Penelope Cruz has lashed out at the fake eyelashes ad furor saying that far from misleading the public the L'Oreal mascara she promotes has made her more beautiful, talented, sexually irresistible and multiply-orgasmic as...

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Norwegian psychic princess senses a nice little earner

Funny story: Norwegian psychic princess senses a nice little earner

Oslo, Norway - (Preposterous Mess): A Norwegian psychic princess says she has developed a rare paranormal talent for reading people's minds and knows who can be persuaded to part with up to £2,000 to study on her daftass ESP course.

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Ed-E-torial 16: Dr. Monica Lewinsky? Paris Hilton Mingles With Seamen.

(London-England) Former Presidential stained intern Monica Lewinsky has received her Masters Degree from the London School of Economics. While some were skeptical the wide pelvis intern actually earned the degree from the prestigious institution, her doctoral mentor, Professor Rusty Trombone, dispelled any doubt when he released the following statement, "Her written dissertation was a little shaky...

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Tour de France Rider passes a drugs test shock

Funny story: Tour de France Rider passes a drugs test shock

The Tour De France was rocked again to-day with the amazing news that Gaston Pricard, number two rider with Team Clean has passed a drugs test following his unexpected win in the uphill/down hill, time trial.

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Paperless Toilet

Funny story: Paperless Toilet

Environmental Engineers from the WC Crapper Foundation have announced they have secured major private equity funding to complete the development of the world first paperless loo.

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Chav Famine Threatens Gloucestershire

Funny story: Chav Famine Threatens Gloucestershire

Following the mass floods seen in parts of Gloucestershire new fears of a mass famine affecting chavs across the county have come to light.

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Pension age raised again - Work 'till you drop message

Funny story: Pension age raised again - Work 'till you drop message

Quietly announced at the back door of No.10 Downing Street at 0600 this morning, the State Pension Age has been raised to 89, in an effort to head off Britain's pension crisis.

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"We've Arrived:" Maroon 5 Celebrates Inclusion on "Kidz Bop 12"

Funny story: "We've Arrived:" Maroon 5 Celebrates Inclusion on "Kidz Bop 12"

LOS ANGELES (Heewack News Network) -- Recording artists Maroon 5 partied long into the night upon learning that their current hit, "Makes Me Wonder," made the final cut for inclusion on the newly released CD "Kidz Bop 12."...

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Magnetic polarity reverse will cause chaos

Funny story: Magnetic polarity reverse will cause chaos

Scientists working for Magnetic Obervatory of Reversal of North (M.O.R.O.N.) have confirmed the worlds magnetic polarity is reversing.

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'Chuck & Larry' get 'License to Wed' from Gay marriage counselor before tying the knot, yet movie critics still want annulment

Funny story: 'Chuck & Larry' get 'License to Wed' from Gay marriage counselor before tying the knot, yet movie critics still want annulment

Hollywood, California - To ensure Adam Sandler's new movie, "Chuck and Larry," a light-hearted comedy romance that uses the topical same sex marriages as its comedic foil, was not offensive to Gays in anyway, admittedly a Gay/Lesbian right's group wa...

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New Bible uncovered - could outsell Harry Potter

Funny story: New Bible uncovered - could outsell Harry Potter

A church jumble sale revealed a first edition copy of the bible, it was discovered today.

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Mr & Mrs Andre Name Their Daughter

Funny story: Mr & Mrs Andre Name Their Daughter

Pop star Peter Andre and his buxom wife Katie Price, pronounced J-O-R-D-A-N, have named their wonderful new bouncing baby girl Princess Tiaamii.

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The Spoof writer "Too Drunk"

Funny story: The Spoof writer "Too Drunk"

England, 25/7 - A writer for "The Spoof" who regularly contributes up to three items per day is said to be still drunk at his desk this morning. The writer was understood to have consumed a large amount of alcohol the night before, and was...

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Lindsay Lohan Arrested For Emulating Paris Hilton

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan Arrested For Emulating Paris Hilton

Pathetic actress Lindsay Lohan has been arrested in California by Santa Monica police on suspicion of trying to emulate celebrity heiress Paris Hilton, who was sent to jail recently for a pitifully short time...

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T-shirts pulled; dubbed offensive by Latina shoppers

Funny story: T-shirts pulled; dubbed offensive by Latina shoppers

New York, New York - Tracy's was forced to pull T-shirts Latina shoppers reported as offensive from their chain of nationwide retail stores today. The T-shirts were meant as a joke, say store representatives. However, they ended up offending Latn...

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China surpass the U.S

Funny story: China surpass the U.S

Beijing: Reports confirm today that united states of America are no longer the G.D.P capital of the world as they have been surpassed by China and experts believe that soon would be surpassed by India who now sit comfortable in third...

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Finicky Fast-Foodie Blurs Lines Between Gourmet and Ascetic

Funny story: Finicky Fast-Foodie Blurs Lines Between Gourmet and Ascetic

Columbus, Ohio (The Scallion) - Dirk Poutine is a Quick Service Restaurant (QSR) connoisseur who likes his french fries hot and fast, just like his women. The inaugural episode of his new television show 'Dining in Style on Ten Dollars per Day&#...

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Paris Hilton planning new sex tape

Funny story: Paris Hilton planning new sex tape

Hollywood,Ca. (Ass Mess) - Party girl Paris Hilton has announced today that she is planning a new sex tape.

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Lindsay Lohan falls off the wagon and jumps behind the wheel; arrested two blocks away from the Santa Monica Police Dept.

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan falls off the wagon and jumps behind the wheel; arrested two blocks away from the Santa Monica Police Dept.

Santa Monica, California - Lindsay Lohan, who was just released form rehab two weeks ago, was shortly arrested thereafter just two blocks away of the Santa Monica Police Department last night.

Read full story View 'Lindsay Lohan falls off the wagon and jumps behind the wheel; arrested two blocks away from the Santa Monica Police Dept.'

Guns N' Roses fan goes on a hunger strike

While fans of the rock band Guns N' Roses await for the release of the long awaited album "Chinese Democracy" one fan of the band going by the name of Billy Adler said today that he would be going on a hunger strike until Axl Rose decid...

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Britney Spears Blows Her Nose on Designer Dresses

Funny story: Britney Spears Blows Her Nose on Designer Dresses

On a recent photo shoot for OK magazine, Britney Spears was reported to have been a total meltdown.

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Lindsay Lohan, Naked in Latest Arrest, Tried Propositioning Police

Funny story: Lindsay Lohan, Naked in Latest Arrest, Tried Propositioning Police

Lindsay Lohan's latest rampage ended in an arrest yesterday. It seems Lohan was chasing the mother of her assistant that she fired earlier that day. Lohan chased the mother into a empty parking lot one block from the Santa Monica police station a...

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Al Gore: Alberto Gonzales is an alien clone

Al Gore claims that embattled U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales was replaced with a clone by aliens. Gonzales, who at one time worked as a stage hand on American Idol, is said to love animals. Anna Nicole Smith was rumored to have compared his compassionate qualities to Barack Obama. The BBC's Big Brother reality TV show featured a set of breasts that in fact turned out to be die-cast m...

Read full story View 'Al Gore: Alberto Gonzales is an alien clone'

Presence of All Colors Yields 'Hot Pink' (and not 'Pure White' as previously thought)

Funny story: Presence of All Colors Yields 'Hot Pink' (and not 'Pure White' as previously thought)

Easton, Pennsylvania (Reuterus) - Color experts at Crayola Headquarters have confirmed that the presence of all colors in the visible spectrum actually produces a hue of 'hot pink' and not 'pure white'.

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Ron Jeremy and Pete the Porno Puppet Warn kids: 'Don't watch Porn, until your 18!'

Funny story: Ron Jeremy and Pete the Porno Puppet Warn kids: 'Don't watch Porn, until your 18!'

Northridge, California - In an attempt to reduce the number of children exposed to pornography in today's voyeuristic society by multimedia savvy kids, porno, turned crossover reality TV, star, Ron Jeremy has teamed up with a children's puppe...

Read full story View 'Ron Jeremy and Pete the Porno Puppet Warn kids: 'Don't watch Porn, until your 18!''

Jet lag turns Beckham into child again

Funny story: Jet lag turns Beckham into child again

A freak accident has caused football superstar David Beckham to regress into a 4-year old child.

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The Corner Shop (Sketch)

A woman has just opened up a shop in a new (out in the sticks town) . There is a queue at the till.

Read full story View 'The Corner Shop (Sketch)'

Bedtime Story For Lickle Babies

Once upon a time there lived 2 little boy's called Kyle & Jack.

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Mary Stockbridge 30/05/1925 - 27/03/2001 - Memories (Sketch)

8 year old Charley is on the sofa at her nanny's for the day. Nanny is sitting on the armchair knitting away. A big tin of scrummy biscuits are on the coffee table. Granddad is on the other armchair.

Read full story View 'Mary Stockbridge 30/05/1925 - 27/03/2001 - Memories (Sketch)'

Mummy & Toddler (Sketch)

Mummy is in the living room, with her 2 (and a weeny bit) year old toddler.

Read full story View 'Mummy & Toddler (Sketch)'

Warm the Preacher (Sketch)

Martin is going door to door. Having had 21 slammed in his face he arrives at no 22. A house owned by Enid & Edna. He raps on the knocker.

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Gas & Poison (Sketch)

Joan has popped to the retirement home to see her mother Mary. Mary is in the television room with several other residents. Joan takes a seat next to her.

Read full story View 'Gas & Poison (Sketch)'

Wickle Woo Woo (Sketch)

Wife walks into the living room holding something behind her back.

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NHS Direct (Sketch)

A woman lounging on the couch, on the phone to NHS DIRECT.

Read full story View 'NHS Direct (Sketch)'
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