Written by rnd3ll

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

image for Flood Victim Doesn't Blame Government

A Humberside woman whose home was submerged and her possessions ruined by the recent floods is not expecting the government to bail her out, it has been revealed.

Unemployed Tanya Sponge, 23, and her seven children were forced to evacuate to the upstairs of their council house late last week as flood waters rose to a depth of several feet in the ground floor, destroying four state-of-the-art television sets and also a microwave - without which, says the young mother, her children would almost certainly have starved were it not for her eldest child, Beckum (8), stealing Turkish Delights from the local petrol station. However, Ms. Sponge has no plans to make the DSS pay for a taxi to take her to Downing Street to ask for handouts from Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

'Fair play,' she said. 'I've had a free house since my sixteenth birthday. My bills are all taken care of for me and it's not as if I've ever worked or ever intend to. I could have paid my insurance premiums like all the decent people but I chose to risk it and spend the money on fags, Breezers and subscriptions to internet chat sites. My chickens are coming home to roost and it's no more than I deserve.'

The move has been applauded as 'a move in the right direction' by little known action group Stop Losers Using Taxpayers (SLUT).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Flooding

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