England, 25/7 - A writer for "The Spoof" who regularly contributes up to three items per day is said to be still drunk at his desk this morning. The writer was understood to have consumed a large amount of alcohol the night before, and was still unfit to drive this morning.
"It's destroyed his ability to form coherent stories," said a colleague. "It's unusual for him to go out on a school night, but apparently last night was an exception."
A spokesman for the Writer's Association of North Kinsgbury (W, oh, work it out for yourselves) criticised alcohol use during the week. "It definitely causes blocks. This person could be searching google all morning looking for something to spoof. Potentially, it could damage artistic output for weeks."
The writer is drinking copious amounts of water and coffee in order to string some sentences together in a meaningful and eventually funny way.
