Time Outs Ruled Unconstitutional

Funny story written by Andrew Lawrence

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

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(San Francisco) - The ultra-liberal 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that time outs for children are unconstitutional and constitute abusive, cruel and unusual punishment.

A time out is where a child is punished for bad behavior by being told by a parent to stand or sit quietly for a few minutes.

In a 9-0 decision, the court ruled in favor of 12-year-old Lill Bratt, who sued her parents for unfair punishment; they gave her a 2-minute time out for trying to stuff her 8-year-old brother's head into the garbage disposal.

In the ruling the court cited no precedents, no cases and no existing law. A statement issued by the court said, "We're judges. We don't have to follow the law, we can just make it up! Plus, we think that the courts should decide how children are raised, not parents. And we also think that kids should have more rights than adults and should be allowed to run wild and do whatever they damn well please."

In opposition, a spokesperson for the American Society For Proper Parenting stated, "Judges today are making too many wrong and stupid rulings. What they need is a time out!"

copyright 2007 Andrew Lawrence

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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