Paris Hilton to be Flying Nun
HOLLYWOOD (Burbank) * EXCLUSIVE * -- Paris Hilton is to take on the part of the Flying Nun, in a Remake of the old Sally Field series. Sally Field, now appearing in Brothers and Sisters, will guest as Mother Superior.Read full story
Speed of Light Captured
LOS ALMOST (NM.) -- Today at the Top Secret spreadable condiments facility, scientists made an incredible breakthrough. Doctors Chorizos Zambesi and Milo Oelschlager claim, they have captured, for the first time -- THE SPEED OF LIGHT.Read full story
John Lennon "Still Dead"
Former Beatle and rock legend, John Lennon, murdered in 1980 by a fat American with a gun was today reported to be "still dead"...Read full story
Dancing Gibbon "Work of the Devil!"
Dingus the dancing gibbon - he's the latest showbiz sensation and media darling, but Dingus's dancing antics have not gone down well with certain sections of the religious community!...Read full story
Ebonic Version of The Spoof Big Hit In America
New Awlins, LA, (IP) - An Ebonic version of The Spoof made its debut today in the United States and seems to be well on its way to success.Read full story
Surgical Separation Successful
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (AP Newsliar) -- Doctors at the Latter Day Saints Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah have been successful in their efforts to surgically separate the careers of Donnie and Marie Osmond.Read full story
73 Year Old Man Arrested as 'Terrorist'
SEATTLE, WA - A 73 year-old man was arrested last night after buying a spatula at a local grocery store.Read full story
U.S. To Put Iraq Up For Auction On Ebay
(Baghdad) - After a worthless, fruitless investment of hundreds of billions of dollars, and thousands of lives, and under pressure by the American public and the Democratic Party, the U.S. has finally decided to end the war in Iraq, get out, and wash...Read full story
List of Male Gay Names Revealed by Computer
Than Franthisco, CA (IP) - A super computer at Berkely has been used to create a list of men's names which indicate that a man is not a heterosexual.Read full story
Surgeon General Warns: We Are All Going to Die
Atlanta, GA (IP) - The Surgeon General has picked Friday 13th to issue a dire warning that we are all going to die.Read full story
US House Votes For Iraq Troop Pull Out
The US House of Representatives has voted for a complete troop pull-out from Iraq which should start immediately.Read full story
Conrad Black guilty as hell
Chicago - (Ass Mess): Racketeering mobster Conrad Black has been found guilty of three fraud charges and of perverting the course of justice.Read full story
Skeleton Found Asleep In Bed
A council worker who broke into a home in the Meanwood area of Leeds to claim unpaid rent arrears from the tenant living there, discovered the skeleton of Mr Jonathan Doe lying in be...Read full story
Kate Moss: "Doherty is blackmailing me"
New York - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Model Kate Moss has fled to New York after the tempestuous break-up of her on-off Pete Doherty shagging saga and told Storm agency's Sarah Doukas that she is being blackmailed by her ex.Read full story
Beckhams' LA rent-a-crowd "a bargain at $1 million"
Los Angeles - (Ass mess): An LA Galaxy PR company has said that the $1 million it shelled out to hire a crowd to greet footballer David Beckham and his daftass stick insect wife Victoria on their arrival in the US this morning was worth every penny s...Read full story
Hustler magazine chief offers $5 million reward for Bush gay sex proof
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Jubilant at his seminal role in outing Louisiana Senator David Ritter as a serial hooker user Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt has put up a $5 million reward for anybody who can prove they've had gay sex with Geo...Read full story
Tallest Man In The World Gets Married To The Smallest Woman
There was much cause for celebration in northern China this week, when the world's tallest man married his childhood sweetheart, who just happens to be the tiniest woman on the planet.Read full story
US Photographer Shames Queen, Crown
Esteemed celebrity photographer Annie Liebowitz insulted Queen Elizabeth earlier this week when she asked the UK's monarch to remove her crown during a photo shoot.Read full story
Paedophiles sue London Fashion Week
Paedophiles4Justice, the ultra-powerful lobbying group, has announced a law-suit against London Fashion Week following their ban of models under 16.Read full story
Prince in Album Giveaway Storm
The artist known as a squiggle is giving his latest album away on the front cover of a Sunday newspaper, it has been revealed. Music industry bosses were not surprised by the move.Read full story
Pope recruits Coca-Cola in inter-Christian Jihad
In a calculated move this morning, Pope Benedict XVI has added Coca-Cola to his ranks of fighters in his Holy War on all other Christian denominations.Read full story
New Misery for Smokers
It was announced earlier today that the new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown will extend the new smoking ban to include smoking whilst driving.Read full story
David Beckham & Victoria's secrets!
Los Angeles: As we all know, today, Friday the 13th, is the day David Beckham joins his new team, LA Gay-Lexi. But what most of you'll probably do not know is how David Beckham made his entry into the world of fo...Read full story
Power crisis: Compulsory Cycle Service is the answer, say Greens.
The Government is under pressure from the Green Party to introduce a radical new method to counteract the current shortage of electricity generating capacity in the UK.Read full story
The Truth Behind the New Testament
Inquiring minds throughout history have wanted to know if the Bible is the Word of God.Read full story
Harry Potter related to Emily Rose
Some critics...well mostly me...ok only me say that there are certain relations between HPOOTP (Ootp that is so funny I shit myself everytime I hear that...oh crap well that's what's in my pants right now) between Harry Potter Five and the Exorcism of Emily Rose the scene in Harry Potter Five where Harry Potter (Pothead) is possed by he who smells (Barry Trotter Series by Michael Gerber) a...Read full story
Former Head of Chinese Food and Drug Administration Gets Excited by Police
BEIJING (People's Daily Online) - Zheng Xiaoyu, former head of the Chinese State Food and Drug Administration, has been excited this week for behaving in a very bad way.Read full story
BBC says "Soz" to her Maj.
In a totally unprecedented move today, the BBC had to say sorry ("soz" is the dumbed-down version for younger BBC viewers) to the Queen for messing about with the documentary they were making about her clothes sense.Read full story
Waterstones Join Tintin Ban
Another bookstore chain has joined the fray in the controversial Racist Tintin row by banishing the Belgian comic hero's books from its shelves.Read full story
Fed gives American currency a "Fashion Makeover"
The Federal Reserve announced today that it will immediately replace the dollar bill with a new version printed on stain proof plastic.Read full story
Giuliani: Abolish Congress!
Former NY mayor Rudy Giuliani today announced that in order to reduce the size of the federal government, he would immediately abolish the Congress, along with every government agency outside the Executive branch, including the Office of Vice Preside...Read full story
It's Kaboom for Zoom
Zoom Chewing Gum / Airway's stock crashed yesterday after a failed attempt by CEO Mr. Cornelius Zoom at a new flavored chewing guy sirloin steak.Read full story