There were 262 spoof news stories published in January 2004. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Second Paris Hilton Sex Tape Surfaces, No One Cares
Once again, an adult themed website has posted exclusive footage of Paris Hilton having sex with some guy she dated a couple years ago. The 25-minute tape shows Paris and as yet unnamed paramour, having sex in numerous positions, with Paris clearly...
Read full storyWheelchair-Bound Frogs Sue Leg-Eating French
PARIS, FRANCE--A group of disgruntled, disabled and above all disorientated frogs are suing the population of France, past and present, over their ongoing culinary pursuit of frog's legs.
Read full storyKerry's Unknown Star Wars Bit Gig
John F. Kerry, Democratic Presidential hopeful, was, unknown to most fans, a bit character in the last Star Wars movie Episode II: Attack of the Clones.
Read full storyBritney Spears Pregnant, Seeks Annulment of Wild Sex Romp
Pop sensation Britney Spears is reportedly carrying the love child of a random fan she met backstage at a concert in L.A. last year. This intrepid reporter was able to get an exclusive interview with Britney before she was able to speak with either...
Read full storyLeno Admits He Was Once Gay
Hollywood, CA-Late night talk show host Jay Leno revealed today that he used to be Gay. The announcement came as a shock to fans as well as to his own family. His wife said she never had a clue of him ever being Gay. "I'm clueless,&qu...
Read full storyNeverland Ranch For Sale (Classified Ad)
NAMBLA Times For sale to NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) member in good standing, one 37,000 SF Estate named “Neverland Ranch”. Known as the “Crown Jewel of Beverly Hills”, this exciting property sits high atop a steep cliff where you can spot police cars and irate parents coming from miles away.
Read full storyBrett Favre to finally correct spelling of his last name
In an announcement that has rocked the sporting world at it's core, quarterback Brett Favre has finally admitted his ancestors made a horrible mistake in the spelling of the family's last name.
Read full story"Seinfeld" actor Jason Alexander aroused, thinks he married Britney Spears
Actor Jason Alexander, the short, stocky and balding actor of "Seinfeld" fame, awoke this morning after a long night of partying, and was stunned but visibly aroused after reading the USA Today and learning that he had married pop star Brit...
Read full storyNext "Survivor" Underway
Los Angeles, CA- Mark Burnett, producer and creator of the popular "Survivor" reality series on CBS, announced taping is underway for "Survivor: Antarctica", set to premier next fall.
Read full storyKing Kong remake stalled over penis dispute
Renowned director Steven Spielberg's remake of the 1933 cult monster classic ‘King Kong' has stalled in the pre-production phase, in a row over whether the giant ape should have a visible 10-foot penis.
Read full storyRonald McDonald Arrested!
McDonalds frontman Ronald McDonald was arrested today after police caught him in the middle of a lewd act in the toilet of a McDonalds restaurant.
Read full storyWorld Idol In Hot Soup, and other Idol News
After Last Night's announcement, World Idol winner Kurt Nilsen, from Norway, has been offered an advertising deal, by Campbell's Soup. Nilsen, who sports a huge gap between his teeth, will be seen on billboards all over the world, sucking soup throug...
Read full storyJohn Kerry and Teresa Heinz-Kerry accused of selling ketchup to Iran, N. Korea
In a stunning development in the race for the White House, presidential hopeful John Kerry, and his wife, Teresa Heinz-Kerry, have been accused by the Department of Homeland Security of selling ketchup to known enemies of the United States.
Read full storyKeanu Reeves Released From Jail
Keanu Reeves was released from jail today after paying a massive six million dollar bail. Reeves, who is charged with 87,000 counts of animal endangerment, resisting arrest, and possession of a hand gun without a license, refused to speak with re...
Read full storyHitler ad compares MoveOn.org to Bush
A shocking and strongly worded advertisement placed in The New York Times and signed by "A. Hitler" has compared MoveOn.org to President Bush. All sides are now offended.
Read full storyNASA Scientists Find Water on Mars
In the midst of their most recent mission to the Red Planet, NASA have released colour photographs, received from an orbiting satellite, showing just where the water is to be found.
Read full storyStar Wars film delayed after Lucas blasts actors
George Lucas says the release of Star Wars Episode III could be delayed by up to three years - after admitting that most of his actors are "rubbish".
Read full storyMcDonalds offers job to German cannibal
Global fast food giant McDonalds has thrown convicted cannibal Armin Meiwes a lifeline by promising him a job when he gets out of prison.
Read full storyBush, Cheney Make Historic Hang Glider Landing On Aircraft Carrier
The campaign season got off to one hum-dinger of a start today when earlier this morning President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney made a rather unorthodox yet daring stunt. It appears that Bush talked Cheney into hang gliding out into the Atlant...
Read full storyBennifer parting causes temporal anomaly
News of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's split has apparently caused a massive temporal anomaly in Brazil, causing near-deaths, bruises and some conversions to Scientology.
Read full storyLetterman and Oprah Married
In a joint press release today, talk show hosts David Letterman and Oprah Winfrey announced they wed in a secret ceremony over five years ago.
Read full storyShaved Pussy prank goes too far
A drunken prank went too far when cat owner Agnes Welch, sick of her boyfriends pestering decided to shave her pussy, right their and then in front of all his friends.
Read full storyArt Critic Blasts Fingerpaintings
ALBANY, NY-In order to promote appreciation of the arts to her small pupils, Ms Adrian Jennings, a local kindergarten teacher, invited Mitch Farrell, an art critic with a local newspaper, to her classroom to tell the children about how art can be app...
Read full storyYanks Liberate Cuba!
Key West, Florida - A flotilla of battleships including the U.S. Navy nuclear powered Aircraft Carrier "Admiral Grimace," 100,000 war-seasoned U.S. Marines, Air-Force bombers and a combined strike-force of thousands of "sp...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Pleads Guilty
SANTA MARIA, Calif. - Pop superstar Michael Jackson arrived 21 minutes late to his arraignment, which had been scheduled for 8:30 a.m. PST. Superior Court Judge Rodney S. Melville scolded him saying, "Mr. Jackson, you have started out on...
Read full storyGeorge Bush not one of ours claims God
In a shocking development today God has broken almost 2000 years of silence to deny claims that George W Bush is fighting the good fight.
Read full storyCelebrities Jump on Homosexual Band Wagon En Masse
Hundreds of Film, TV and Music celebrities world-wide have admitted their persuasions and joined the gay community.
Read full storyHoward Dean Amputates Hand To Show He's Serious
In a bid to recover media attention that he's lost since placing third in Iowa, Democratic Presidential candidate Howard Dean had his right hand whacked off.
Read full storyJim Carrey to star in remake of "The Day After"
According to executives at Universal Pictures, "nuclear war was never so hilarious!"...
Read full storyMars Rover "Spirit" Conspiracy By George Bush Revealed
NASA-The failed attempt by President Bush to cover up Spirit's loss of contact for weeks has finally imploded in on him. As previously reported UK's Mars rover "Beagle" attacked it and destroyed it[/link[. Embarrassed by his lack of rocket science...
Read full storyDennis Miller migrates again--this time to the far left wing
Comedian Dennis Miller, who, shortly after 9/11, made it publicly known that he had taken a big swing to the political right, has swung back to the left-- the far left.
Read full storyLord of the Rings Trilogy to be Recalled
When somebody mentions the Lord of the Rings, you may think of one of two things. The first being a masterpiece by J.R.R Tolkien, and the second, 3 masterpieces by Peter Jackson. But starting immediately, the latter will disappear and become only a v...
Read full story"Bennifer" Breakup a Vicious Hoax Designed to Sidetrack "Gigli 2"
The Hollywood power couple Jennifer Lopez (aka J. Lo) and Ben Affleck (aka B. Aff), collectively known as "Bennifer", has not called it quits as reported earlier. According to their spokesman Matt Damon (no relation to B Aff's "Good Will H...
Read full storyElicia Battle Claims She Lost Her Ticket to See "My Baby's Daddy"
Cleveland, Ohio Elicia Battle, the Euclid, Ohio woman who filed a false police report claiming she had purchased and then lost the winning tick...
Read full storyGod's Corner
Hi all, God here again. So, another big week up here in Heaven as always. First thing of course, I want everyone to know, that earthquake in Iran, I had absolutely nothing to do with that. You can blame that on the new guy…Kenny. He’s kind of a dumb ass but you know, you have to give them some responsibility from time to time if you ever want them to learn. So, I’m breaking in the new batch o...
Read full storyBush claims Mars oil fields for America
NASA officials have admitted that finding evidence of water is not the primary goal of the latest mission to Mars.
Read full storyRowling agonises over Potter sex scene
Harry Potter is to lose his virginity in JK Rowling's next book of the eponymous children's series - but the popular author is remaining tightlipped about who his first bedfellow will be.
Read full storyUK's Beagle 2 Finally Makes Full Contact
Space Watch-NASA's planetary rover Spirit spent the day lazily caressing the Martian landscape taking pictures and beaming them back to Earth for an excited humanity to view.
Read full storyMarilyn Manson Endorses Bush in Last Ditch Effort to Shock People
In a move admittedly more about shocking his fans and detractors than about his ideological leanings, Marilyn Manson announced today that he would be throwing his endorsement to George W. Bush for the 2004 elections. A publicist for Manson...
Read full storyHucknall to quit music to become Eastenders lookalike
Simply Red star Mick Hucknall has announced he is to quit the music business - to become a Steve McFadden lookalike.
Read full storyConcorde Converted Into Supersonic Sub
PARIS, FRANCE-The French government is reporting today that the earlier retired Concorde jet airliner has been secretly transformed into a military submarine capable of cruising faster than the speed of sound under water.
Read full storyWhy I hate Berlusconi
Satire writers love George W Bush because he gives them such an abundance of material to work with. He’s high profile, completely wooden in front of the cameras and prone to the odd verbal gaffe every now and again. Surely he takes the number one spot as ‘complete political buffoon in the entire world’? Not in my book. I would like to propose the Signor Numero Uno in Italy as my candidate f...
Read full storyDead hand up bird's arse to save British entertainment
IT WAS revealed this week, that in a desperate bid to save the British entertainment industry, the hand of dead puppeteer Rod Hull will be re-animated and inserted in his loveable sidekick, Emu.
Read full storyDisney/Pixar Reunited
BURBANK, CA--After nearly two whole days of separation, Steve Jobs and Michael Esiner have resumed the former contract and decided that they just can't live without each other. When the relationship had resolved, Jobs had flipped Michael the bir...
Read full storyBen and Jen Split Over WMD
Hollywood's famous former couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have split up, citing "moral and ideological differences, sparked by the political catalyst that is the search for weapons of mass destruction". The press had reported that Be...
Read full storyStudy Shows Combovers Successful at Fooling, Attracting Opposite Sex
A thirty-year study started in the early 70's (funded by Citizens Who Ask, "What The...?") indicates that combing strands of left-over hair across one's bald noggin actually improves how one is viewed by the opposite sex.
Read full storyLife Discovered On Mars
Scientists controlling NASA's "Spirit" Rover on Mars have announced that conclusive evidence of a primitive lifeform has been found. The red planet is being investigated by two separate rovers, Spirit and Opportunity. It is the former R...
Read full storyWar: Not as fun as it sounds.
Death, destruction, looting, bombing and soldier, war has plenty of all these things, but it’s not all fun and games. For instance the death that I mentioned earlier, it’s not like in the movies you know. It hurts, normally takes quite a long time and unlike in all these ultra realistic computer games death actually lasts forever, no extra lives or anything. The destruction and bombing al...
Read full storyWhoopi Exposed as Fraud
Hollywood, CA-- Slim-fast president Ted McNeeley released an official statement detailing the dissolution of contract with former spokesperson Whoopi Goldberg.
Read full storyBruckheimer To Remake "It's A Wonderful Life"
Movie Watch: In this day and age of movie remakes, production has already started on a newer updated version of the most beloved holiday classic, It's A Wonderful Life, which originally aired in 1946 and starred Jimmy Stewart with...
Read full storyRMS Titanic Struck Faux-Iceberg
Scientists have recently discovered that when the helmsmen of the RMS Titanic struck what they thought then was an iceberg, scientists know now that it was something entirely different. It was, in fact, the well-known spoof writer, JJ Jogolo.
Read full storyWhite House Aide Leaks Template for Bush's State of the Union Address
In a stunning leak from the White House, a Microsoft Word template has been forwarded to news sources around the world. Reportedly taken directly from the White House's servers, the bottom left margin of the document shows path name
Read full storyPresident Bush Installs Secretary of Space
In a press conference today, President George W. Bush revealed his plans to create a Secretary of Space to oversee the country's soon-to-be-growing space program.
Read full storyMartha Stewart Dances Atop SUV After Court Appearance
Ripping a page from the Michael Jackson court appearance play book, arts and crafts goddess Martha Stewart climbed her way (taking 15 minutes) on top of a black Cadillac Escalade parked just outside the courtroom moments after pleading not guilty to...
Read full storyNFL: Internal Memo Says Super Bowl Rigged
Sources today revealed an internal NFL memo, which picks the Super Bowl XXXVIII champion before the game is even played.
Read full storyBush to Enter Pop Idol to Revive Flagging Popularity
In a shock moved today President George W Bush has announced his plans to enter and win Pop Idol. "I am in a state of believing that this competition would be a good competition for myself to gain added popularity." The President announced incoherent...
Read full storyTrained Monkey Emerges as Surprise Victor in Iowa Caucus
Des Moines, IA In a stunning upset today, a trained monkey won the Iowa Caucuses, gaining 42% of the overall vote, with Howard Dean @ 19%, John Kerry @ 17%, John Edwards @ 14%, Dick Gephardt with 7% and Dennis Kucinich with 1% of the final vot...
Read full storyBush Admits Affair With Ann Coulter
In a shocking admission that has D.C. turned upside down, President Bush informed the world at a press conference today of his torrid love affair with conservative author Ann Coulter.
Read full storyDisney Will Shutter Florida Theme Park and Resorts;
When he established his mega-entertainment empire more than sixty years ago, entrepreneur Walt Disney told his closest associates that, "it was always all about the mouse." And today the "Mouse's House," a seven-hundred thousa...
Read full storyBlack Hole Discovered Inside Post Office
Billings, Montana - Scientists are now claiming that a cosmic disturbance known as a black hole has popped into existence inside a local post office here.
Read full storyNew Star Wars Movie Going Straight To Video - "It's A Stinker"
Movie Rap: The news isn't good for George Lucas' latest endeavor after advanced screenings produced popcorn and Goober throwing amongst boos, laughter, making out, and laser pen abuse.
Read full storyPlayers At Super Bowl To Wear Cowboy Boots, Among Other Changes
HOUSTON, TX-In a last-minute press conference, NFL officials are announcing that all football players will be forced to wear cowboy boots instead of cleats during the big game.
Read full storyPresident Bush Pens New Book, Prematurely Leaked to Press
A disgruntled former White House Aide, who has asked to remain anonymous due to members of his family being employees of the CIA, has handed over a photocopy of an early draft of a new book written by U.S. President George W. Bush. The boo...
Read full storyMr. Hollands Opus
The family of a British teenager who sent their son to take lessons from the former drummer of the rock band Judas Priest, has alleged sexual assault.
Read full storyKerry Admits Injections Then Recants, Claims Confusion
ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL-John Kerry, the 60-year-old Democratic Presidential frontrunner, admitted to Botox injections but later said that he was mistaken and claimed he hadn't had them. The confusion occurred when a French reporter asked him about t...
Read full storyKay: Iraq War Due to Lack of Intelligence
David Kay, Chief US Weapons Inspector, has blamed the Iraq War on a lack of adequate intelligence, namely George Bush's and his own, as well as every other official in the White House. "I don't know why everyone i...
Read full storyBush's 'Moonbase' to go ahead, Martians next in War on Terror
President Bush has announced plans for future space exploration. The President, regarded as the most powerful man on the planet, has highlighted plans to build a base on the moon "before the Ruskies do" so he can launch manned missions to M...
Read full storyCelebrity Photographer Honored For Work In Mug Shots
LOS ANGELES, CA-The stars were out last night as the LA Chamber of Commerce celebrated the career of it's most well known and over worked photographer Mr. Maximilian Albrecht III.
Read full storyPrincess Diana's Death Was a Cunning Stunt
Underground gossip from the inquest into Diana, the Ex-Princess of Wales, suggests the person found in the car wreck, may not have been hers. We are told that the inquest has access to documents, anonymously sent to them, bearing the letterhead of...
Read full storyNew George Lucas Trilogy: Will it Fall Short?
Hollywood, CA- In an unparalleled move, director George Lucas has decided to refilm the original Star Wars trilogy, recasting the movies completely with midgets.
Read full storyNext president to be chosen by Zogby poll
Voting in the United States is now a thing of the past, thanks to a new constitutional amendment passed by congress which is intended to eliminate any possibility of voter fraud.
Read full storySatire News Writer Arrested For Fake Story
The cultural phenomenon knows as Satire News has exploded onto the world scene. Its popularity is growing by leaps and bounds.
Read full storyDiana death suspect revealed
Princess Diana wrote a letter to her former butler Paul Burrell ten months before she died, claiming that a senior member of the Royal Family was planning her death.
Read full storySpace Station Air Leak Finally Discovered
NASA engineers are reporting that they have finally found the air leak responsible for the drop in air pressure of the International Space Station.
Read full storyCannabis Downgraded to Class C drug...Rape, Murder and Arson to follow.
The Government has gone ahead with its controversial plans to downgrade classification of the drug Cannabis from a Class B to Class C substance. This means that the drug will no longer be an arrestable offence, although still illegal to posses or sel...
Read full storyGeorge Bush to Announce Controversial 3rd Term Quest in State of the Union Address
On Tuesday, U.S. President George W. Bush is slated to give a State of the Union Address, which is expected to focus on Bush's plans for the war in Iraq, the U.S. economy, health care, and education among other things.
Read full storyLassie sniffs out Beagle
Lassie, the famous Collie from the television show of the same name has found the Beagle space probe on the planet Mars. Colin Pillenger, the mission's chief scientist, had the idea of sending the canine TV star, famous for it's ability to rescue tha...
Read full story'Solitaire Ruined my Life'
EXETER, UK - A man from Exeter is suing Microsoft claiming that Solitaire ruined his life.
Read full storyMars Rover Discovers Nougat Filled Core
In what can only be described as a stunning leap forward for scientific knowledge, NASA officials held a press conference today to discuss an astounding discovery made by analyzing data from its Spirit rover, which is currently taking pictures and co...
Read full storyVideo Games blamed for Increase in Wars.
An increase in the number of Wars in the last decade is being blamed on the rise of evil video games that glamorise genocide, a new report suggests. The War Reduction Committee cites recent games like Battlefield 1942 and Command and Conquer General...
Read full storyHutton report clears Saddam Hussein
In a shock statement yesterday Lord Hutton, self-styled whitewasher and media hater, announced. "I have looked at all available evidence and have come to the conclusion that Saddam Hussein was merely a victim of the press, there is no real evidence t...
Read full storyJohnny Vegas to be Next Bond
The St. Helens born comic, Johnny Vegas, best known for his T.V. appearances including the ITV Digital adverts where he starred alongside the much more popular monkey, was today announced as the replacement for Pierce Brosnan in the next Bond feature...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Buys Another Baby
In a defiant move, Michael Jackson decided to celebrate what he calls his ‘impending acquittal' on child molestation charges, by purchasing another white baby boy. Jackson revealed his new purchase by pulling the sheathed baby out of his trench c...
Read full storyDrunk Dog
A dog and its owner allegedly had too much to drink, Mr. Avery, supervisor of an animal shelter claims. After lapping too much beer given by the owner, the dog entered the shelter, snarling and unfriendly. But with an aspirin, the dog was "peppy...
Read full storyDean, Kerry Mount Legal Challenges to New Hampshire Primary Results
Democratic front-runner John Kerry, and challenger Howard Dean have launched a joint legal challenge to the Tuesday New Hampshire Primary results. As reported
Read full storyPretzel Logic
On January 13, 2002 while President George W. Bush was at home in the White House all alone, watching a football game and munching on pretzels, he suffered a serious mishap involving a fainting spell when he choked on a pretzel.
Read full storyFinancially strapped Howard Dean to pay campaign workers with free medical treatment
Thanks to stinging losses in Iowa and New Hampshire, the presidential campaign of Howard Dean has become strapped for cash.
Read full storyBush declares self President for life, calls off 2004 election
Speaking from his ranch at the beginning of a 3-month ‘sabbatical', President Bush announced today that the 2004 elections would not be held. Citing the need for greater Homeland Security in these troubled times, Bush stated that his removal from of...
Read full storyWould you like boobs with that?
Okay now, things are getting a little out of hand. Today as I walk through department stores and see all the trendy fashions, one thing sticks out to me more than anything—boobs are becoming more and more visible, but less and less accessible. What do I mean? Simply that women are confusing the hell out of me! Why, for heaven’s sake, would you parade your scrumptious breasts in front of me...
Read full storyBritney Snares Madonna
Britney Spears has secretly married Madonna in a civil ceremony performed at Michael Jackson's Never-Never-Did-It Land. Both brides-to-be walked down the aisle to the tune of "Like a virgin" and sealed their union with a passionate embrace as local...
Read full storyBritney a "crap lay" says ex-husband
The ex-husband of Britney Spears has revealed why their surprise marriage was annulled less than 55 hours after the pair tied the knot - because she was a "crap lay".
Read full storyFrom the makers of Wifeswap come....Religious-leaderswap!
The producers of the wildly popular reality show "Wifeswap" today announced that they have just completed filming a pilot for their new show "Religious-leaderswap".
Read full storyHacker breaks into Dan Rather's teleprompter during broadcast -- Newsman embarrassed
Veteran CBS News anchor Dan Rather became enraged yesterday after discovering, a full 15 minutes into his newscast, that somebody hacked into the computer which controls his on-air teleprompter.
Read full storyHutton Report - "Tony Blair Has WMDs in 45mins"
The shock findings of the Hutton Report, to be revealed on Wednesday, are that Tony Blair's regime has a secret stock of weapons of mass destruction. The leaked Report also states that the Prime Minister used these...
Read full storyReality TV Update
Fox, the home of such brilliant nuggets of TV gold as "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" and "When Animals Attack" is once again pushing the envelope. Following in the success of the critically acclaimed PBS reality series "Frontier House", where fa...
Read full storyGeorge Dubya announces plans to invade Uruguay
Moments before his State of the Union address President George Bush Announced his plans to attack Uruguay, Burma,Gabon,and Kyrgystan. Claiming they were the new axis of evil, and that if we dont stop them now they become a threat to the US.
Read full storyRussell Crowe dislocates shoulder
Poor Russell Crowe has hurt himself, again by throwing a fight unsynchronized as he tossed a punch towards his co-star in a boxing scene strangely called "Cinderella Man".
Read full storyThe George W. Bush Variety Show
Say hello again to the variety show genre as the President kicks off the campaign season with a bang. With two hundred million campaign dollars to throw around, George W. Bush will be offering a lot more than simple stump speeches. Now, coming each w...
Read full storyHello Magazine in the dock again
Hello magazine are again in the dock over allegations of printing pictures of the capture deposed dictator Saddam Hussein.
Read full storyMan Solves World Hunger Problem; Forgets Answer
TOPEKA, KS-Local Blockbuster manager Tim Bosley yesterday announced that during a routine checkout of ‘Empire Records', he was struck by the solution to the worldwide problem of hunger. At a press conference today where hundreds of media, government...
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