Disney Will Shutter Florida Theme Park and Resorts;

Funny story written by Denny Johnson

Sunday, 25 January 2004

image for Disney Will Shutter Florida Theme Park and Resorts;
A Hamburger

When he established his mega-entertainment empire more than sixty years ago, entrepreneur Walt Disney told his closest associates that, "it was always all about the mouse." And today the "Mouse's House," a seven-hundred thousand, one-half-acre amusement park that has become known and loved as the Florida Disneyland will undergo one of the most startling transformations in its history -- back to virgin swamp land and electric cattle fences.

"We've already made more money than we'll need or can spend or give away or burn for the next millennium," said Disney CEO Michael Eisner, "it's time to give something back to Orlando. We're going to give the U.S. a cow that can deliver not only hamburgers, but milk shakes as well."

At a press conference in the company's corporate headquarters the late Walt Disney's cyber-frozen noggin answered a myriad of reporter's questions concerning the plan that is scheduled to level seventy-five famous resort buildings and kiosks and one hundred and nine freshwater swimming pools; tear out highways and infrastructure; and return the Palmetto bug to it's rightful place in the South Florida ecological system.

"This will be our biggest venture so far in the area," said Disney's head. "We will return the acreage to the vast flat farmland it once was, and go about from there creating and eating a cow that Americans can be confident about again."

Disney's head said that the recent "Mad-Cow-Disease" has just pointed up the new course his company will take.

"This meat will be for U.S. consumption only, make no mistake," Disney said. "It's pretty obvious to everyone that the U.S. hamburger and cheeseburger problems are being caused by factions outside our boarders. Here at Disney we think an American tradition should live on."

More than 34,000 full and part-time employees will be offered early retirement from the Theme Park and some of the companies better known entertainment names including Donald Duck, Foghorn Leghorn, and the Beagle Boys will move their operations to Disney's Los Angeles locations.

Eisner estimated that at least Twelve Sleeping Beauties, two Prince Charmings, and four Thumper Rabbits will vying for employment in the soon to be glutted Orlando entertainment community.

"The good thing is these people were well-trained in the beginning, they know their stuff, their skills are honed," CEO Eisner said of the layoffs and ultimate job seekers, "Now as we make this change we can be more confident that we're sending our people out with those credentials that will aid them in building their futures. This is a good thing for everyone," he said.

Cutting-edge Technology has always been the by-word of the company that brought you the Mad Hatter's T-Cup Ride, Witch Mountain, the Tiny Train, and the Pirates of the Caribbean, and Disney's head said the newest venture will echo that corporate philosophy.

"I didn't get here by accident," said Disney's cyber-head speaking from its cooler on his antique maple desk, "we're going to put it all together here with every bit of new innovation available to us. Who knows," said Disney, "perhaps we can even make a French Fry out of their moos. The possibilities are staggering."


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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