Second Paris Hilton Sex Tape Surfaces, No One Cares

Written by dalepetrie

Wednesday, 14 January 2004


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Not Another Paris Hilton Movie!

Once again, an adult themed website has posted exclusive footage of Paris Hilton having sex with some guy she dated a couple years ago. The 25-minute tape shows Paris and as yet unnamed paramour, having sex in numerous positions, with Paris clearly taking charge of the festivities.

Twenty-four hours have passed since the clip was posted, and so far, despite international media coverage, their servers report only 3 hits. The company's claim that they do not feel this tape was as well publicized as the last one don't seem to pan out, so we set about to find out why this tape hasn't sparked any interest as yet.

Clyde Barnes, an auto mechanic from Pensacola, Florida had this to say. "It's like, been there, done that." Stephen Jacobsen, a dump truck driver in Dubuque, Iowa agreed, "…I mean, who doesn't have a tape of themselves having sex with Paris Hilton nowadays?" Other comments ranged from "you've seen one skinny naked rich girl you've seen ‘em all," to "I don't like to be able to see a woman's ribs that clearly defined." But, the opinion expressed by Cleveland Durwood, a short order cook from Plains, Georgia, probably sums up what we heard from the majority of the 20,000 people we interviewed when he said, "I recon it's alright to tape yourself havin' your way with a dumb girl once in a while, but this gal is dumber than Samsonite, and that just ain't much of a turnon."

The last time a celebrity sex tape has done this poorly was last year when another website posted footage of Courtney Love masturbating. In seven months' time, there was only one hit on the site, apparently from Courtney herself.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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