'Solitaire Ruined my Life'

Funny story written by Richie Graham

Friday, 23 January 2004

EXETER, UK - A man from Exeter is suing Microsoft claiming that Solitaire ruined his life.

Alex Litman, 27, said 'Ever since I installed Windows 3.11, I have been addicted to Solitaire.'

'I started playing, and just felt the urge to continue when I didn't complete it. Then when I eventually saw those cascading cards, the buzz was so great that I just had to play again. That was when it started.'

Alex's misfortunes included loosing two jobs for misuse of the computers, and he even almost missed his wedding.

'That was really embarrassing,' he said. 'I just thought I'd be able to slip a quick game in before I had to be at the church, and next thing I know my best man was knocking at the front door leaving five minutes to get across Exeter.'

However, the happly married couple's life turned to turmoil when Alex went back on his word and failed to be there at the hospital three years ago when his wife was giving birth.

'I'm really upset about that,' Alex said, 'I really wanted to be there when Sarah gave birth, but the eight of hearts was nowhere to be seen. Thankfully though, I managed to reuse the eight of diamonds and I managed to complete the game.'

'It's just not good enough,' says Alex's wife, Sarah. 'He is always on that computer playing Solitaire. Since I've known him, he's gone through six mouses, wearing out the left button on each of them.'

'The version on the latest Windows was a real God send. Now I can right click, it helps a lot. It speeds up the game and makes the mice last twice as long.'

'I just might as well divorce him,' his wife said. 'He's never around for Jessie, and I've been like a single parent anyway.'

It was on hearing the news of his impending divorce that has caused Alex to sue Microsoft.

'It's just ruined my life completely. There's not even a helpline or anything for me. If I was on drugs someone could help me, or if I was an alcoholic someone would. I feel discriminated against because of my Solitaire addiction, and it's all Microsoft's fault.'

Alex has said that if Microsoft do not pay up his requested compensation sum of £20,000, then he will be going to do further measures.

Microsoft were unable to comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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