Written by Red Dwarf

Saturday, 3 January 2004

image for Johnny Vegas to be Next Bond
Johnny in Costume

The St. Helens born comic, Johnny Vegas, best known for his T.V. appearances including the ITV Digital adverts where he starred alongside the much more popular monkey, was today announced as the replacement for Pierce Brosnan in the next Bond feature film, "The first Goodbye".

After Brosnan's sacking due to his drunken rampage in an Irish Pub which resulted in the deaths of eight innocent bystanders it was common knowledge that the producers were on the hunt for a new Bond.

Vegas' appointment was not only a surprise to the world's media but also to Johnny himself who had only went to the audition because he was pissed out of his head. The favourites for the role were Jude law and the Welsh bloke out of 'Horn blower', but the producers said they wanted a more 'rugged' actor and Johnny was seen as the man for the job.

In "The first Goodbye" Johnny will appear alongside Holly Valance as ‘Sheila Likya' and Cameron Diaz as ‘Miss Moneypenny', making their first appearances as Bond girls. The Big baddy of this instalment of Bond is Ringo Star who will play Dr. Von Starhunt who is intent on destroying South America.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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