Harry Maguire Bookmakers' Favourite To Be UK Charts Christmas Number 1
Harry Maguire, the new Manchester United signing who seems to be able to do just about anything everything he puts his hand to, has been made the bookmakers' favourite to reach number 1 in the UK charts at Christmas. This is astonishing news - eve...
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Nashville Unoriginal Takes Country Music Charts by Storm
The music of singer-songwriter Kelcey Payne of Nashville, Tennessee, has been described as hackneyed, poppy, and blatantly unoriginal - and it's got country music fans around the world absolutely riveted. "I'm a super fan," said Patti Leichman of...
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Rebranding of Blues Music as "Depressive Melodics" Flops Terribly
In the interest of promoting mental health awareness and empathy, music label Safe Space Records, Inc., tried rebranding the blues artists it represented as "creatives struggling with clinical depression," and blues music itself as "depressive melodi...
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Harry Maguire Inspiration Behind Re-release Of Sham 69 Single 'Hurry Up, Harry'
Punk rockers, Sham 69, are to honour the world record (for a defender) signing by Manchester United of former Sheffield United, Hull City and Leicester City defender Harry Maguire by re-releasing 'Hurry Up, Harry', their 1978 hit single. Maguire h...
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Child Tells Noisy Dad To Turn His Music Down
A 56-year-old man listening to music upstairs in his home was the victim of his killjoy children yesterday, when one of them bawled at the top of her voice for him to turn the volume down. Moys Kenwood was 'giving it loads' whilst listening to 'Th...
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Kylie Minogue Furious At Sir David Attenborough
There was real Australian soap-style drama at Glastonbury on Sunday, when Aussie pop princess Kylie Minogue became enraged before her performance had actually started, by Sir David Attenborough, who came onstage immediately before her. Minogue, wh...
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Kanye West To Leave US
Elton John Is Back On The Booze Again
Queen Guitarist Brian May In Hospital After Consistently Denying Any Connection To Theresa May
Prince Really Did Like To Make Doves Cry
Satanists claim that Beatles song "Lucy in the sky with diamonds" is a rip off!
The List of 10 Rejected Country Music Band Names
Black People Fed Up with Middle Class White Boys Singing in Faux Jamaican Accents
Sinéad O'Connor Rejected By Islam
Britney Spears Defends J.Lo's American Idol Lip Syncing By Saying She's Personally Lip Synced In 17 Different Countries
Elton John Carried Offstage In Copenhagen After Watford FA Cup Annihilation
Bono, Gabriel Slam "Pathetic" Wagner Apologists
Serge Gainsbourg: How the Hell Did He Do It?
Ed Sheerans Sheer Luck
*We are well aware that our headlines never have anything to do with our actual story. We are looking to hire a headline writer who's willing to work for pieces of Battenberg cake. Feel free to contact us on this site* With the release of Ed Sheer...
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Lionel Richie Finally Apologizes for "Penny Lover"
Beverly Hills- After years of agonizing anticipation, music lovers around the world finally have received an apology from Lionel Richie for the recording and release of the 1983 song Penny Lover. When news of the mea culpa broke, fans slowly gath...
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Rap Stars' Mothers Reveal Reasons They Called Their Kids What They Did
The mothers of some of the biggest rap stars in the music business have said they named their children in the way they did, because it was clear that they were destined for superstardom. Many rap artists change their names to something more catchy...
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Man Reckons Song Doesn't Go On For Anywhere Near Long Enough
A man listening to a song by French rock band, The Limiñanas, has said that, for his liking, anyway, the track doesn't go on for anywhere near long enough, and could do to be extended by about another three minutes. The song, 'Dimanche', a stompin...
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Glastonbury Fans Say They'll Want A Refund If It Doesn't Turn Into A Quagmire
Music fans have begun arriving at Glastonbury for the annual feast of music that usually turns into a mudbath due to seasonal rainstorms, but there is already unrest, after several visitors said they would be seeking a refund if the weather stayed fi...
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Bill Cosby Found With Two Drumsticks Shoved Up His Rectum
There were scenes of total panic at 'unlock' this morning, when jailed comedian, Bill Cosby, was found in his cell with a pair of drumsticks shoved up his anus. Cosby, star of 'The Cosby Show', and co-writer of the show's theme tune, 'Kiss Me', us...
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BTS Band Members Subjected To Racist Abuse By Angry Fans Who Mistook Them For Asian Immigrants
Racist tendencies showed themselves again at the weekend, when several members of Korean supergroup, BTS, were barracked and insulted before their concert at Wembley Stadium in front of 60,000 screaming fans. Trouble flared when the band members w...
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Sheryl Crow Can't Remember What Her Songs Sounded Like
American singing star, Sheryl Crow, has said original tapes of her albums, including Tuesday Night Music Club and The Globe Sessions were lost when a fire engulfed archives at Universal Studios in Los Angeles in 2008, and the songs are now lost forev...
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Man Waited Until His Wife Went Out, So That He Could Attempt Breakdancing
A man who has, for decades, harbored a secret desire to try breakdancing, got his chance at the weekend, when his wife went to see her sister, leaving him all alone in the house. Ever since the early 1980s, when breakdancing broke onto the dancing...
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Beyonce Knowles Fan Club Average Age Now 11
A man who read a news report about Nicole Curran, the wife of the owner of a basketball team, and the online abuse she received from Beyonce fans after it was perceived that Curran had been rude to the singer, has invited the childish morons to direc...
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Man who suffers from Insomnia buys Dido's new album
Gary Johnson, 48, who suffers from Insomnia after buying tickets for Jedward for his 30th wedding anniversary, has exclusively revealed to us that he has just indulged in Dido's latest release. 'I was on that Amazon type thing' said Johnson, as if...
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Birdie Song Set To Invade Your Brain Again
It was the soundtrack to 1981, the backdrop to an entire summer of crazy 'wing-flapping' on the dancefloor, and probably the worst record you ever heard, but the Birdie Song by The Tweets is up for re-release next month. Originally written in the...
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Man still can't decide between Blur and Oasis
Although it has not been mentioned in the press for years, a man in his forties is worried that he still hasn't made his decision about which group he prefers, Oasis or Blur. Gary Braithwaite, 47, said "It was an issue years ago, when I was trying...
Read full storyFunny Music Headlines
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Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Want To Make "Ash-Aid" Single With The Pope
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ABBA To Get Back Together After Wife-Swap Stunt
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Justin Bieber Thinking About Retiring From The Music Business
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The Real Reason Why Toni Tennille of The Captain and Tennille Filed For Divorce
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Jeff Lynne 'Oasis are Shit'!
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"The Boss" breaks his own record
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Prominent 80's rappers hold press conference apologizing for early hits
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Morrissey Still A 'Loner'
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President Trump Christmas Album Out Thursday
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Palestine To Compete In Eurovision Song Contest For The First Time
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Van Halen Cancels Concert Tour; Wall Street and Stockmarket in Tailspin
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Warren Beatty Confesses: "I think this song is about me"
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Bush and Chaney Consider Forming Rock Band
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Shakespeare wrote Beatles songs!
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New Johnny Cash Song Discovered About John Wayne - "A Boy Named Marion"
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MP's To record old hit songs!
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Lady Gaga Angrily Tells Madonna That She Did Not Copy Her Stupid Little Song
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Anger As Pussy Riot Vatican Gig Cancelled
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Sinéad O'Connor Has Grown A Muslim Beard
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Peter Hook Did Not Sing On 'Doubts Even Here'
