NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - Tambourine Times Magazine editor Tabasco Pistolero has compiled a list of facts about Mick Jagger, the lead singer with the Rolling Stones. Mick is 79-years-old, but apparently no one has told him because he still jumps around on stage like he did 60 years ago!
10 CRAZY THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MICK JAGGER
- Mick recently had lip reduction surgery, but ended up with bigger lips.
- His first words were actually "I can't get no satisfaction."
- He once traded his soul to the devil for eternal youth and some tambourines.
- He's been married so many times that he's technically his own father-in-law.
- His secret to staying young is bathing in a tub filled with melted vinyl records.
- He can perform a tambourine solo that lasts for three days straight.
- He once had a staring contest with Medusa and won.
- Mick dated a mermaid in the '60s, but they broke up because she couldn't handle his tambourine addiction.
- He's banned from eating crumpets because they make him break out into an interpretive dance.
- Mick Jagger is actually an alien who came to Earth to spread the gospel of rock and roll to the masses.
CLOSING NOTE: Mick told Tabasco Pistolero that he and Paul McCartney actually wrote the Rolling Stones hit "I Can't Get No Satisfaction," but for some unknown reason the credit went to him and fellow Beatle John Lennon. When asked for a comment, Lennon's ghost said, "I always knew Mick was a bloody thief."
