Keith Flint's Ghost Visits Pub Looking Slightly Less Scary Than Keith Flint Did

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 21 May 2019

image for Keith Flint's Ghost Visits Pub Looking Slightly Less Scary Than Keith Flint Did
He was a lovely man who scared the shit out of people

There were a few raised eyebrows but no shrieking at an Essex public house at the weekend, when the ghost of former landlord, Keith Flint, paid an unexpected visit to the pub, and, as he was used to doing, started the fire in the bar.

Flint, 49, died by his own hand on 4 March, but. the inquest into his death concluded that there was insufficient evidence to return a suicide verdict. This, despite the fact that the Prodigy frontman had unspecified amounts of cocaine, alcohol and codeine in his system, and was found 'in a hanging position' with a noose around his neck.

Regulars at the Leather Bottle pub in Pleshey, Essex were, it's fair to say then, not expecting to see their former landlord again, but, on Sunday lunchtime, at around 1pm, in walked Flint the Ghoul, looking rather dapper, and slightly less scary than when he was alive.

Alice Bettingshop, 51, said:

"I was shocked, but only because he's dead. He seemed his normal self, striking but well-spoken, and always polite. He always held the door open for you."

Tom Bogrot, who spends every single evening of his life in the pub, making sure the bar doesn't fall over, said:

"He was looking a lot better than he had been, and nowhere near as scary as he sometimes did. He was a lovely fella, and now he's a lovely ghoul."

And Ron Gutted, who admitted he was "gutted" at the news of Flint's death, said:

"He walked right in and ordered a Ploughman's Lunch! Then he went over and lit the fire. Someone started singing 'Firestarter', and Keef's ghost turned round and pointed to the jar on the bar where he kept all the pound coins he collected when someone did that. Just like Keef!"

Current landlord, Arthur Pint, told us:

"It was the old Keef. Laughing, joking, pulling scary faces, but also holding the door open for people, even when they weren't leaving the room! Such a gent! He'll always be welcome in here! Trif-fick!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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