Britney Spears To Star In The Movie "Hot-As-Hell-Sex & Little Ole Horny Me"
HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - LaLaLand Daily states that the nation's little blonde babe (Britney Spears) will be hitting the big screen soon in The Tri-Moon/Lion's Face production of the X-rated film "Hot-As-Hell-Sex & Little Ole Horny Me." The…
Read full storyChildren’s Books to Get Historical Re-Write
Since Roald Dahl has been put through the politically correct ringer, some other dead children’s book writers are being dragged out of their graves to be given a re-write by people today who are better, stronger, smarter, more sensitive than anyone e…
Read full storyDon’t Let Your Baby Bellies Lose That Lemony Shine, Ladies
Don Lemon wants a woman to be in her prime for when he knocks her up. “If she can bleed, she can breed,” said a guy named Larry Lemon, not related to Don. “A woman is only important if’n she can give good babies … if she too old fer that, then sh…
Read full storyMitt Knows Nothing … NOTHING!
Mitt Romney has been questioned again and again by rabid reporters, and he refuses to speak … … to confirm or deny ever hearing about the Mormon church hiding millions of dollars through fake companies, and says that his religion was not started b…
Read full storyWhataburger Is Now More Popular Than Burger King
NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - The American Food News Agency has just announced that the Whataburger food franchise has just surpassed the Burger King food chain in popularity. AFNA writer Calypso Igloo writes that the Texas-based fast food giant…
Read full storyArnold’s Scrotum Baby Belongs In A Woman’s Body
Arnold Schwarzenegger has teamed up with Danny DeVito once again to make a sequel to the 1994 movie, “Junior”, where Arnold plays a pregnant man! But there’s already been blowback from the Abortion Lobby since they’re incapable of getting the joke.
Read full storyCruz Goes Home to Cuba – Viva Fidel!
Despite it being a communist country, Ted Cruz has bought land in Cuba. A paparazzi photographed Cruz on his knees on his new piece of land, weeping, saying “I’m home, papa, I’m finally home.” Why has Cruz more and more changed his appearance to l…
Read full story“Accept No Substitutes – Vote for Pure Evil! Vote Satan!”
Satan has decided to run for the governor of Texas. He says he’s seen Gregg Abbott and Ted Cruz, and figures he can do a better job at being evil. “I mean, those guys are good, but I’m Satan …Da Man! I know evil – I live and breathe it – you don’t…
Read full storyJesus On Toast Tastes Like A Hangnail
Harry Berry from Muskogee Wisconsin saw Jesus on a piece of toast. Being a god-fearing Catholic, he ate his god. And then puked. Harry then switched to Buddhism because “The Buddists don’t make you eat shit, do they? I ate that toast and it tasted…
Read full storyMeteor Falls on Russian Army
A meteor has been reported to have landed on Russian forces in the Donbas region if Ukraine, killing entire platoons, blowing up tanks and artillery, and smashing entire cartons of cigarettes! “Even God hates the Russian army,” said one Ukrainian…
Read full storyThe Pope Heads to Mardi Gras for Titties & Beads
Pope Francis the Divine and Flatulent is heading to New Orleans to enjoy the wondrous spectacle of Mardi Gras! The Pontiff’s spokesman, Cardinal Birdie von Redbird, said, “The Pontiff wants to get down and kiss the ground where all the beads are f…
Read full storyMan Eats Record Pancake to Impress Jesus and Walmart Girl
Reggie Noogie ate a 300 pound pancake in celebration of Lent or Ash Wednesday or whatever holiday the Catholics made up to get more people into their satanic churches and feed them lies and pancakes and take their “donations”, though they don’t have…
Read full storyZombie Ivana is Stealing Donald’s Balls
Ivana Trump’s grave has been moved on Donald’s golf course. Problem: the bitch ain’t dead! Witnesses have said that during a full moon, if their balls land anywhere near Ivana’s grave, she reaches up out of the ground and snatches the ball – wreck…
Read full storyMao’s Plagiarized Poetry from the Yankee Slackback
A rare document from the 1930s, authored by Mao Tse Tung himself, confesses that Mao’s poetry was all stolen from a railroad worker in California named Wally “the Railroad Rider” Slackback. Wally used to write poems and songs about unfair working…
Read full storyKing Charles III, Invites President Biden To Buckingham Palace
LONDON - (Satire News) - The Royal Fog Research Group notes that the UK's new king, Charles III, has invited the great President Biden to visit him and his stunningly sexy wife, Queen Consort Camilla Parker Bowles for a sit-down dinner and musical co…
Read full storyPutin’s Revised History Books … All About the Love
Putin has started a nation-wide campaign to change all the Russian history books to reflect the changes he has in mind about Russian history. First on the chopping block: all the Eastern European countries that were forced to assimilate into the S…
Read full storyMoldova Parking Spot for Joe’s Stuff
While in Poland, praising the president f Moldova, Biden said he had too many military tanks and planes and weapons of all sorts, and that he needed to “Park them somewhere”. That “where” is Moldova. Reporters asked if he was building up a militar…
Read full storyThe Belch Heard Around the World
While in Poland, Joe Biden sampled some of the local kielbasa and pierogis, with some hot mustard, and release the Belch to End All Belches. The Poles respected him for it. “Putin could never belch so mightily!” said one Polish witness. “I cou…
Read full storyJoe Scorpion Rocking Like A Hurricane
Joe Biden has asked for the rights to “Rock You Like A Hurricane” from the Scorpions. He wants a cool song to go with his travelling around the world putting fear in the hearts and minds of fascists everywhere. He is also learning to play guitar.
Read full storyAir Force Bring It On, Bitches!
Lauren Boebert thinks it’s time for a new Air Force One, since the one currently in use has been used since 1776. Washington and Jefferson and Franklin used to use it as a party plane and head down to Cancun with their slave honeys for some lolita ac…
Read full storyA Cappella Mullah Mash
Iranian mullahs don’t like that the people of Iran don’t want to listen to their long boring diatribes about religion and how evil Israel and America are. So to win back the hearts and minds and souls of the Iranian rebellious population, the mull…
Read full storyXi Wants Korean Boy Bands for His Wittle Pickle
Korean boy bands are banned in China. Why? Insiders who have escaped China to report the truth have said some strange things about Prez Xi. “He likes them very much. I mean, LIKE likes them. The emperor of China listens to boy bands on his iPod al…
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Lost Her Front Teeth
Miley Cyrus has lost her two front teeth, and doesn’t know where to find them. Sounds like a nursery rhyme … but those big choppers of Ms. Cyrus were her key to fame. She sang like an angel, but now ever lyric comes out with a whistle. Does she wh…
Read full storyShould Kari Turn To Hooking? She’s Still Deciding …
Kari Lake has no good jobs left, so she’s thinking of taking a page from Lauren Boebert’s book of employment and become an escort – but only for Republican Christians who don’t like sex but who want to sit around and talk about how easy it is to stea…
Read full storyBoebert Enters Wrestling Contest, Loses Patriot Arm
Lauren Boebert entered the Colorado Arm Wrestling Competition, wrestling against Wanda “The Bicep Breaker” Smeagle, and it did not go well. Lauren first entertained the crowd, doing some of her patented stripper moves, lifting her tight “Patriots…
Read full storyThe Illuminati Recruitment Center WANTS YOU!
… to be the best kind of Evil you can be. You’ll have to be, if you wanna join. (Are they reading this right now? Can I join? I got this ex-boyfriend I … well, I’ve said too much, wink wink, hush hush, I getcha. Is this all about revenge, ultimat…
Read full storyGeorge’s All New Juicy Fraud Burgers
George Santos has opened his own BBQ beef burger restaurant, and he’s hoping it grows into a chain that crisscrosses America, so that “Everybody Can Git A Taste of George!” But the story just gets juicier. Ace crack reporter, Ace Crackington, went…
Read full storyMexico Is Preparing To Invade Guatemala
MEXICO CITY - (Satire News) - Reports coming out of The Land of Ole, Ole, Ole, state that the Republic of Mexico has had it with the drug antics of Guatemala. Mexico's President Andres "Andy" Lopez Obrador, points out that he has warned the drug c…
Read full storyCountry Love Birds Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani Are Headed For The "Last Roundup" (Divorce)
TISHOMINGO, Oklahoma - (Satire News) - The country music duo of Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani has barely been married two years and there are already rumblings that there are problems in the "Marital Bunkhouse." Titte Tattle Tonight writer Pico d…
Read full storyMickey and Minnie Enslaved and Ruled by Govenor Ron DeSantis
A year ago The Magic Kingdom publicly spoke out about the "Don't Say Gay" bill of Governor DeSantis - in which Kids in school could be told nothing about Gay people. Basically making gays invisible or too morally terrible to talk about. He i…
Read full storyThe Kardashian Sisters Have Just Purchased One of The Top Porn Sites In America
HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - The Kardashian sisters are without a doubt the richest sisters in the entire nation, and according to Rich Gals Monthly Illustrated, the world. They have been described as the Female Midas Touch Bitches by Bedroom Pillo…
Read full storyMan drives 120 miles following Chinese spy balloon!
Ezra Dankworth, 52, a travelling salesman from Todmorden in Derbyshire, England, travelled 120 miles across the Pennines chasing what he thought to be a Chinese spy balloon, but to his disappointment, it turned out to be a bird shit stain on his wind…
Read full storyI want to be rich, how can I do it quickly?
While it's understandable that many people want to become wealthy quickly, there is no guaranteed or foolproof way to achieve this. Most legitimate paths to wealth require time, effort, and sometimes even luck. Beware of scams or get-rich-quick schem…
Read full storyNFL Chicago Bears look to shore up D-line by adding Barney the dinosaur
Talk is coming out of the Chicago Bears camp that during this off-season they’re looking for creative and effective ways to beef up their defensive front, among other positions. “Look,” general manager Ryan Poles was quoted as saying. “You got…
Read full storyGov. Sarah Huckabee Says She Lost 6 Ounces On The Diet Popcorn Diet
LITTLE ROCK, Arkansas - (Satire News) - The newly-elected governor of the "Anvil State" of Arkansas, Sarah "Ozark Fats" Huckabee has stated that she recently lost 6 ounces on the Diet Popcorn Diet. The "Huckster" as her daddy Mike "Plain Jane" Huc…
Read full storyGov. Ron DeSantis Reveals His Favorite Porn Site - It WILL Surprise You!
TALLAHASSEE, Florida - (Satire News) - There is probably no two individuals in the USA who hate each other more than Gov. Ron "Dick Face" DeSantis and private asshole citizen Donald Jonathan Erasmus "Dick Mouth" Trump. Gov. DeSantis has accused Tr…
Read full storyThingies In The News Today
These are real headlines from the news, the comments; unreal imaginings inspired by them- Love Bites Vampire Ball, Saturday, Feb. 11, Cloverdale Funeral Home, Boise, Idaho BYOV-Bring Your Own Victim……. Russia Tells French President Macron:…
Read full storyTrump Knows He's Fucked But He's Just Too Fucked Up To Admit It
LAS VEGAS - (Satire News) - The Las Vegas oddsmakers all agree that there is no way on earth that the orange pussy grabbing asshole (ahh dat be the Trumpturd) will ever occupy the White House again. Some Vegas oddsmakers are giving 983,000 to 1 od…
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