TISHOMINGO, Oklahoma - (Satire News) - The country music duo of Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani has barely been married two years and there are already rumblings that there are problems in the "Marital Bunkhouse."
Titte Tattle Tonight writer Pico de Gallo, who knows both Blake and Gwen very well, said that one of the reasons why Shelton is quitting his dream gig as a judge on "The Voice" is because he misses Gwen's home cooking; including her buckaroo brisket, hacienda ham, galloping grits, stagecoach sausage, and hell-bent biscuits.
He's also hinted that he definitely misses getting to ravish Stefani's body, which at 53, makes her 7 years older than him.
Blake has said that he first fell in love with Gwen, who has 7 children from 4 previous marriages, because she is the hottest, sexiest, most erotically delicious "Cougar" he has ever seen.
Meanwhile Gwen says that truth be told, Blake just drinks too fucking much. She notes that he drinks beer for breakfast, beer for lunch, beer for dinner, and he drinks beer as a midnight snack.
SIDENOTE: De Gallo predicts that Blake will dump Gwen because she has lots of cellulite, spider veins, liver spots, wrinkles and 3 of her 7 children refer to him as "That shit kickin' drunkard."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Well from where I'm sitting those are ALL pretty DAMN GOOD reasons.]
