George Santos has opened his own BBQ beef burger restaurant, and he’s hoping it grows into a chain that crisscrosses America, so that “Everybody Can Git A Taste of George!”
But the story just gets juicier. Ace crack reporter, Ace Crackington, went undercover as a burger lover, wearing overalls stained with cow shit, a battered cowboy hat with a MAGA button on it, and rubber boots filled with moonshine …
He ordered the Triple Decker BBQ Beef Hoss Burger with Extra Squid Juice … took one bite, and said, “This here ain’t no beef burger!”
Restaurant employees tried to quiet him down, but when a reporter starts asking questions, only a door slammed in their faces will shut them up (George knows this well.)
Long story short, the burgers were not beef, but some kind of Japanese edible plastic.
The pickle was an onion painted green (even though there were non-green onions also on the burger).
The bun was made of cardboard, and the sesame seeds were, possibly, teenage boogers (the staff are too young to be sued … or are they?)
The bacon was some type of thinly-sliced rubber. The ‘special sauce’ had a radiation factor of 5 million – the Geiger counter was off the charts. And the goddamn tomato was alive!
Ace Crackington shouted as he was bum-rushed from the store: “This shithole is like its namesake! You’re all a fraud! A lying stinking fraud! Why don’t politicians go to jail for lying! I’ll see you in Hell, George! I got a burger right here you can chew on for eternity!”
Ace Crackington … will return … as soon as he makes bail.
