New Jane Austen Movie Set in Africa (They Have Tried It Everywhere Else)
The movie will be out at Xmas. There will be male and females playing the appropriate roles - no surprises. Ru Paul wanted to buy a script for his cast members-is thinking of branching out into movies - but we said no. It takes place in a small Af…
Read full storyAnne "Speedy" Heche Has Had Her Driver's License Suspended And She Must Attend AAA Every Friday For 10 Years
HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - Hacienda Fiddle with Boom Boom News asked the inquiring question, "Who the hell knew that a Mini-Cooper could go 123 mph?" She also asked who the fuck let Ann Heche, who is the ex-wife of Ellen DeGeneres, get behind the…
Read full storyMcDonalds Says It Will Give Free Cups of Ice To Anyone Over 70
CICERO, Illinois - (Satire News) - The Watchdog Now News Agency has just stated that the McDonalds Corporation has agreed to provide free cups of ice to any citizen of the US, over the age of 70, free of charge. Reporter Dylan Fresco said that Lyl…
Read full storyIt Is So Fucking Hot In Guatemala The Country Is Begging For Ice
GUATEMALA CITY, Guatemala - (Satire News) - The Central American country of Guatemala has been hit with record-breaking heat, the likes of which have never been seen, going back to July of 1949, when it went through the worst drought in it's 201-year…
Read full storySan Antonio's Bucking Bronco Barbecue Bar & Grill Is Running Out of Barbecue Wood and It's Having To Use Old Discarded Blankets, Drapes, and Bedspreads Instead
SAN ANTONIO - (Satire News) - One of the oldest and best barbecue restaurants in San Antonio has reported that it has just about run out of its stockpiled stack of mesquite wood. As everyone, who knows anything about grilling, there is no better w…
Read full storyCamel Coffee from Kenya
Kenya is coming up with a wonderful new type of coffee, which surely will be sucked up by Starbucks and sold to suckers at an outrageous price. Why not put a splash of camel milk in your coffee? A cafe owner in Nairobi has invented the “camel-ccin…
Read full storyNeither Superman Nor Cher Can Turn Back Time
Time is speeding up. The shortest day on record was on June 29, according to atom clocks. When dinosaurs roamed the planet, the average day was 23.5 hours. Since 1820, scientists have keeping track to see how the Earth’s rotation has been slowing…
Read full storyA Band of Billionaires Butcher Greenland
Global warming and climate change just got their biggest booster in billionaires! Bezos, Bloomberg and Gates (among other unnamed billionaires) have all signed up and invested in a place where ice is melting so fast, it may be exposing wonderful n…
Read full storyThe Weather In Australia Is So Effen Hot That Kangaroos Have Stopped Hopping and Are Now Just Simply Walking (And Slowly)
CANBERRA, Australia - (Satire News) - The damn weather in Australia, like everywhere else has gotten fucking hot!!! The temperature gauge today registered 109 degrees (Fahrenheit). Boom Boom News (Australia) reports that Aussie park rangers are re…
Read full storyThe Anne Heche Motorsport 500
Welcome, sports fans, to the First Annual (maybe) Anne Heche Motorsport 500! Join us now as the race is already in progress. And Anne Heche in the Mini Cooper (really? She’s a millionaire and she speeds around L.A. in a Mini?) is going around t…
Read full storyA Mar-a-Lago Maid Says That Donald Trump and Josh Hawley Like To Get In The Hot Tub Totally Nude
MAR-A-LAGO, Florida - (Satire News) - The Lighthouse Press News Agency has broken the story that the Trumpturd likes to get in the hot tub with one of his last remaining friends; Josh "The Chicken Shit" Hawley totally al-fresco. The maid, who aske…
Read full storyDonny Zombie, Need Brain
Donald Trump was angry at first, but now he’s sad. He misses the old days and ways, and regrets that not even he and his divine MAGA person can resurrect the dead. Jesus could, but not Donny. A man who sees himself as someone’s messiah gets pissed…
Read full storyTrump's Document Shredder was the Toilet
A recent investigative report documents that Trump always spent many hours in the bathroom - sitting, and deeply pondering affairs of state, (and reading the Enquirer also). After glancing at secret documents, he had a habit of tearing them up a…
Read full storyBasil Blathering Explains How to End Israeli/Palestinian Conflict
Basil Blathering, star reporter for the Olde English Church News, did a small Thought Piece for his own newspaper. "After giving it much Thought, I see a new approach to the terrible conflict over there. Gaza is a basically a concentration ca…
Read full storyThe Reason Why The Name Johnny Is Now The Most Popular Boys Name In Taliban-Controlled Afghanistan
KABUL, Afghanistan - (Satire News) - Sandstone, the Afghanistan national news agency, has just reported that the most popular male name in the Taliban-controlled country is no longer Mohammad, Abdul, or Ahmad. Sandstone has revealed that the most…
Read full storyGOP Midterm Strategy: Attack and Infuriate All the Women
As midterm elections near, the GOP has come up with what they feel will be a winning strategy this November: Mock women all you can, especially women who support abortion rights. On MSNBC, commentator Chris Hayes said misogyny “is a pretty central pa…
Read full storyThe Manchester United Football Team Took a Vote and The Overwhelming Choice To Replace PM Boris Johnson Is Prince Charles
MANCHESTER, England - (Satire News) - One of the world's most popular sports teams, The Manchester United Red Devils took a vote as to who they would like to see become Britain's next prime minister. Man U owners Joel and Avram Glazer took the pol…
Read full storyTaking a Cue From Whataburger, McDonalds Opens Up a Three-Story Mickey D's In Brooklyn
BROOKLYN, New York - (Satire News) - McDonalds is thrilled to announce the opening of their first three-story fast food restaurant in the United States. The corporate powers that be got the idea for a multiple story fast food eatery after reading…
Read full storyThe Album Titled "Country Boys Bubba & Bubba Sing The Songs of Beyonce" Is The Top Selling Album In America
CRICKET BALLS, Mississippi - (Satire News) - Two former members of the country group The Trumpapalooza Ass Kickin' Band have joined together and they are causing quite a stir in the country music/soul genre. Percy "Bubba" Figginfex and Jethro "Bub…
Read full storyWendy's Is Now Selling Mimosa Margaritas
CINCINNATI, Ohio - (Satire News) - The Wendy's fast food chain in an effort to try and be competitive has now added Mimosa Margaritas to their menu. Corporate executives agreed that they are pretty much running neck and neck with Jack-in-the-Box,…
Read full storyAn East Coast Newspaper Names McDonald's The Best Fast Food Restaurant in America
BALTIMORE - (Satire News) - McDonalds has gotten quite a publicity boost as The Baltimore Beacon Star has named it The Best Fast Food Restaurant in America. Beacon Star reporter Ersatz Pontoon, said he talked to one of the Mickey D's directors of…
Read full storyThe Sahara Desert Is So Damn Hot That Sand Crabs Are Actually Catching Fire
THE SAHARA DESERT - (Satire News) - The words "Hot-as-hell" are being used in every country in the world due to the amazing heat spell that the world is seeing. Many lakes have totally dried up and a lot of the fish have been gathered up by the PE…
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