New Jane Austen Movie Set in Africa (They Have Tried It Everywhere Else)

Funny story written by UncleDale

Monday, 8 August 2022

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The movie will be out at Xmas. There will be male and females playing the appropriate roles - no surprises. Ru Paul wanted to buy a script for his cast members-is thinking of branching out into movies - but we said no.

It takes place in a small African village, outside the huge metropolis of Nairobi, in 1890. The witch doctor has a small hut, casts the bones every Sunday, but has many daughters. He was educated at the witch doctor school in Nairobi and speaks Swahili and English. The British rule in the name of the powerful Witch Woman - Victoria.

A young chief, Darciru from the next village and his young male friend are visiting looking for wives. They are over 6 ft. tall and covered with gold chains of British coins, signifying wealth - with colorful African robes.

As they arrive at the hut - the mother a bustling officious Kikyu lady brings out her daughters and sits them next to the goats.

She jokes with the young men that both are for sale - and announces the girls’ names as Elika, Lila, Mila and Nia.

She brings the oldest Elika, over to the young chief, Darciru and they talk quietly, and he seems impressed. The youngest daughter seems to have caught the eye of Darciru's young male companion - a shy slender Luhyas man.

Benika the mother says, "All my daughters are accomplished goat milkers and also know how to sew and weave - and talk both Swahili and English.

"They have been well educated by my husband a graduate of Oxika.

"We are having drumming later in the evening, with goat pieces and jungle pate, if you would care to come back."

Young Chief Darciru, in a cold manner, then said: "The goats and the women both seem plump and pleasing. We will do that."

And they leave.

Immediately, Benika turns on Elika and says: "You could have been nicer to the young man. And the other young man really seemed to like Nia."

Elika says, "I don't want to be sold for 30 goats-and I thought he acted very Arrogantly-and high and mighty. I want True Love, and I am worth at least 100 goats."

The mother, distraught turned to her husband, "Assir - what are we to do?

We have too many daughters, and too few goats. And Elika won't do what I tell her to do
I will go to my study room, Assir said, and toss the bones and see what they say.

To tell the truth, Assir said - He did seem full of Pride, and our daughter seems to have some Prejudice against him."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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