A Band of Billionaires Butcher Greenland

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Monday, 8 August 2022

image for A Band of Billionaires Butcher Greenland
Get Those Damn Penguins Off Bill Gates' Mining Operation!

Global warming and climate change just got their biggest booster in billionaires!

Bezos, Bloomberg and Gates (among other unnamed billionaires) have all signed up and invested in a place where ice is melting so fast, it may be exposing wonderful new deposits of nickel and cobalt to fuel electric vehicles and other electric things.

Electricity is the new green … money!

“Tear up that land, that pristine island,” that happy band of billionaires says. “The Earth wants us to destroy it. You like cell phones, right? And Elon Musk is teaching the world to love electric vehicles, and if you don’t get one of his cars, you are an evil person who hates the environment, aren’t you? So stick those shovels into Greenland as the ice and snow melt, and start digging for money, money, money!”

There was no official comment from any billionaire, all of whom are trying to keep this news story low-key since they are directly damaging an environment entirely for the sake of getting themselves richer … so if they can’t add morality to their speeches, they just don’t say a thing.

Also silent on this issue are the people of Greenland and the Danish government. They may have yet to be asked what they think of a bunch of foreigners destroying their home. I’m sure they’ll all be paid off to keep their mouths shut.

That’s how bidness is really done!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more