There were 917 spoof news stories published in February 2014. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Gifted Student Can't Enter Gymnastics Because of Big Bulge in Front
Stuart Hawkins of Boonesborrough, Kentucky is a very talented 14-year old that is one of the country's greatest gymnast as a high school student but refuses to compete. Whenever anyone asks why, he just says that it's personal. However, our rep...
Read full storyThe Nude Calendar of The Duck Dynasty Women Is The Top Selling Calendar In The Nation
CHICAGO - Glamboyant Magazine has just announced that since the good-looking Robertson women of the A&E hit show Duck Dynasty have started wearing shorter skirts and shorter shorts the show's ratings have shot up through the roof. Voodoo Dupre...
Read full storyNoel Edmonds "Gotcha" Goes Too Far Claims DLT
Former Radio 1 DJ Dave Lee Travis, who was found not guilty earlier this month of 12 counts of indecent assault believes that fellow former DJ and long term friend Noel Edmonds went to far with his latest "Gotcha" stunt made famous during Edmond's Sa...
Read full storyMichael Sam Plans to Protest Against Openly Straight Athletes
In a dramatic role reversal, an openly gay athlete, Michael Sam, who is getting ready to enter the 2014 NFL draft, has decided to protest against openly straight athletes. Sams made national headlines last month with his decision to come out publicl...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Fires A Missile Towards Japan But It Lands In North Korea Instead
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un had hinted a few days ago that he was getting ready to fire a missile towards Japan. He had said that Japan had angered him when one of their high ranking officials had stated at The Sochi Olympics that the Nor...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Comments About Denmark's Sexy Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt
PYONGYANG - North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un spoke to North Korea's national news agency The Rice Paddy. He informed them that he had received a very nice phone call from the Danish prime minister thanking him for the gift of 40 pounds of the fines...
Read full storyBook Review - One Summer by David Baldacci
I read this in an airport in Germany. It was an odd experience, sat opposite me was a family from Dusseldorf who had brought a picnic with them to the airport. They laid out a blanket and everything and had sandwiches, chips and drinks....even a flask of coffee! It was pretty strange as there was a perfectly fine food court at the airport, but I guess they may have been trying to save mone...
Read full storyDocuments Reveal That Beatles Almost Joined Lawrence Welk's TV Show
ESCONDIDO, CA-Recently discovered archives at the Lawrence Welk resort near this city, belonging to the eponymous bandleader suggest that the Beatles might have joined Welk and his Musical Family when they visited the United States in 1964. There...
Read full storyBill Gates Reveals He Seriously Considered Buying The Moon Back In 2009
HOLLYWOOD - Bill Gates appeared on The Gorgeous Gary Busey Show and he dropped a scoop on the show's host. Gates, the Microsoft billionaire stated that five years ago he met with the top ranking U.S. government officials at NASA and he made them a...
Read full storyA List of The 10 Worst Cat Names In The USA
CHICAGO - The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency, recently conducted a national survey to determine the worst cat names in the United States. ADGA Executive Director Bagby B. Buckleybox, who has four cats, stated that over 825,000 individuals participated in the nationwide poll. Many of the participants submitted foreign cat names, but it was decided that these names would not be used since a...
Read full storyThe Real Reason Why Toni Tennille of The Captain and Tennille Filed For Divorce
PRESCOTT, Arizona - The rock duo of The Captain and Tennille was married for 39 years when Toni decided to file for a divorce. Fans of Daryl "Captain" Dragon and his wife (Toni Tennille) were shocked since the two seemed to be as close to each oth...
Read full storyPresident Obama Tells Iran To Call Back Their Atlantic Ocean Boats Or He'll Blow Them Out of The Water
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has sent a very strongly worded message to the Iranian government. The president informed Iranian President Hassan Rouhani that he will not play games with Iran and he had better call back his boats or else they...
Read full storyAudi release a new car for the Somerset Levels
Audi's latest model for the home counties and South of England is bound to make something of a splash when it hits the shores next November. "This car is something to behold," said Jeremy Clarkson in a pompous voice. "It is seriously cool," sai...
Read full storyThe Colorado Rockies Baseball Team To Sell Marijuana Brownies At Their Concession Stands
DENVER - Sports Balls Illustrated Daily has just informed the public about a new item that Major League Baseball's Colorado Rockies will be selling at their food concession stands. Dottie Bazooka with SBID said that the Rockies organization has gi...
Read full storyHistory Buffs Discover A Mohawk Totem Pole In Pennsylvania With The Likeness of A Very Famous Woman
PITTSBURGH - A group of history enthusiasts have informed the press that they have discovered a long lost Mohawk totem pole 14 miles west of Pittsburg. The 17-foot tall totem pole was in excellent condition since experts explained that the Mohawk...
Read full storyA World War II Nazi General Found Living In A Cave In An Isolated South Pacific Island
SAN FRANCISCO - A reporter with American Spotlight Magazine has just learned that a World War II Nazi officer has been found living in a cave on a remote South Pacific Island. The Nazi officer identified as General Hans Studebaker fled Germany aft...
Read full storyAlcatraz - New Home for San Francisco's Homeless?
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - The San Francisco City Fathers are considering a plan to turn Alcatraz, a former maximum security prison, in to a new home for some of the city's 6,436 homeless. Closed in the 1960's as a prison, Alcatraz has since been us...
Read full storyPlans To Shrink Size Of US Army Bad News For Soldiers But Good News For Midgets
Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel has called the for shrinking of the U.S. Army to its smallest size since 1940, among other cuts, drawing criticism that the drastic changes will hurt not only U.S. security but slightly annoy soldiers earmarked to be sh...
Read full storyTaco Bell Buys Up The El Taco Terrifico Franchise Chain
IRVINE, California - The Mexican fast food franchise chain Taco Bell has just announced that it has acquired the national chain of El Taco Terrificos. Vanessa Belladonna, spokeswoman for Taco Bell, said that after three months of negotiations a de...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Invites Ann Coulter To Visit North Korea
PYONGYANG, North Korea - In one of the most surprising statements to come out of North Korea Kim Jong Un has sent an invitation to GOP political maven Ann Coulter to visit his fantastic nation (Kim's word). The leader of North Korea told The Rice...
Read full storyMan, 20ish, Found Wandering Near Elko Says He Was Abducted by Aliens and Given a Mullet
ELKO, NEVADA - Today police authorities in Elko reported the mysterious appearance of a young man, probably in his early 20's, who was found semi-dazed, wandering in the desert outside of town last Wednesday. A truck driver, Elmer Comstock, of Sna...
Read full storyNew Game Show 'Drug Deal Or No Deal" To Feature Hollywood Superstars
American TV Network NAC has announced plans to commission a new game show featuring Hollywood actors and actresses titled "Drug Deal or No Deal". The show will be hosted by Charlie Sheen, and will premiere on March 19, 2014, on NAC. The hour-lo...
Read full storyUS naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado
Colorado - Months of rumors that the Russian mobster has bought up every single US patent for 'reefer' cigarettes finally came to a head today with news that Roman Abramovich's formal US citizenship application had been received by the Department of...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Confesses She Has A Brand New Bikini Line Tattoo
VENICE BEACH, California - The once troubled little starlet Lindsay Lohan has said that she has finally gotten her act together. Appearing on The Gorgeous Gary Busey Show, Lilo said that the three months she spent in a rehab clinic last year did w...
Read full storyThe Taliban Plot To Kidnap Camilla Parker Bowles Is Foiled
LONDON - Scotland Yard has reported that they have uncovered a political plot by the infamous Taliban to kidnap Camilla Parker Bowles, wife of Prince Charles. Officer Higgins Higginbrook speaking to Chatsworth Wigginholt of The Ta Ta For Now News...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Has Been Prescribed Female Hormone Pills
BEVERLY HILLS, California - The highly troubled Canadian singer, Justin Bieber traveled to Beverly Hills to consult with a doctor who specializes in female hormones. Bieber was told by a close friend that his problem of acting like he's some tough...
Read full storyNew Sport Introduced At Sochi Olympic Games
A new sport has been introduced in today's Olympic games in Sochi. It is Mixed Martial Arts. MMA events will be fought in wire cages, as is the custom in the United States. The purpose of cage fighting is to punch, kick, and pound a man or woman...
Read full storyThe Hubble Space Telescope Has Discovered Some Unbelievable Objects On The Planet Neptune
MERRITT ISLAND, Florida - A spokesperson for The Kennedy Space Center has just informed the public about an astonishing discovery made by the Hubble Space Telescope. KSC Spokesman Virgo Coopercastle said that the telescope which was launched into...
Read full storyBook Review - To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
I purchased this book because I had a rather annoying Mockingbird nesting in a tree in my garden. He continually berates my family and is often quite rude. I had tried many times to kill it in the past and failed. I had tried ACME dynamite, a giant anvil, tying it to railroad tracks and shooting at it with a slingshot. Just like Roadrunner in the carton, it survived everything. So I bought...
Read full storyFowl pay suspected in bizarre murder case
Police have rounded up several angry chickens, following the discovery of the badly-tattered body of an elderly woman last week. After forensic investigations, Detective Inspector Ivor Nyedeer reckoned that 81-year-old Gladys Sawloaver had been th...
Read full storyDurango Bango Named The Best Marijuana In Colorado
DENVER - The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition, not to be confused with The Colorado State Department of Cannabis, has just issued a news release. CSCC director Lucy "Sinsemilla" Coxcoogan said that a Pot Testing Committee (PTC) tested over 87 dif...
Read full storyFlorida Father Vetoes Controversial Phone Bill
Florida based dad Kenny Mook announced Wednesday he has vetoed a controversial telephone bill that would have allowed his daughter to continue texting, playing games and chit chatting with her friends when she be doing her homework. Mook, who spe...
Read full storyPsychic Doesn't Win Lottery - Again
Florida psychic Betty Volopino has once again failed to win the Mega Million Powerball Superball Jumbo sized lottery jackpot, much to the surprise of her clients, family and friends. Saturday's winning numbers of 12, 32, 34, 45, 47, 49 - bared no...
Read full storyCivil War Sitcom Put On Hold
ANBC have announced that they are delaying broadcast of their new sitcom "It's Always Sunny In Gettysburg" because they feel 'it's still too soon'. Filming of the first season, which took place before a live studio audience, was completed last Ju...
Read full story2014 Oscar Winners Leaked
Reports emanating from Hollywood are suggesting that the winners of Sunday's 86th Academy Awards have already been leaked and that several stars are not now going to attend the Oscar ceremony citing "what is the point?" The leaked memo names the w...
Read full storyShirley Temple to be buried at Forest Lawn Mammorial plot next to Jane Fonda and Nancy Reagan
California - Former child prodigy actress Shirley Temple will be buried at Hollywood's premier all-A-List women's cemetery in Forest Lawn Mammorial Park right next to Jane Fonda and Nancy Reagan. The three women had been lifelong friends and vowed...
Read full storyThe Sultry and Sexy Maria Sharapova Spotted At The Sochi Winter Olympics
SOCHI, Russia - One of the world's greatest and prettiest tennis players Maria Sharapova was spotted at The XXII Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. The 6-foot-2-inch tall Sharapova was interviewed by Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily.
Read full storyStephen Hawking Reveals Source Of Ghost-Sightings
Remember the old commercials, "When E.F. Hutton speaks, everyone listens?" That is usually the case when Stephen Hawking speaks in his mechanical voice, everyone listens. After waiting until the Super Bowl thing was over, Hawking called the press...
Read full storyAspen Police Confiscate 800,000 Pounds of Counterfeit Pot
ASPEN - Aspen Police working on a tip from a Mr. Klondike Quillquist, 62, have just informed the press of a huge counterfeit marijuana bust. APD spokesperson Willard Pencilbaker, 30, said that after being tipped off by Mr. Quillquist a dozen offic...
Read full storyDenver's Top Marijuana Shop Now Delivers Pot Via Drones
DENVER - According to the Colorado Department of Business, the top selling pot shop in the entire state is The Higher Than A Friggin Kite Marijuana Shop which is located in Denver. The top pot shop is owned by Gulliver Gingergrove, 38, and his wif...
Read full storyDenver's First All-Nude Marijuana Shop Is The Top Selling Pot Shop In The Entire State of Colorado
DENVER - Every single marijuana shop in the Rocky Mountain State of Colorado is having outstanding cannabis sales. But there is one marijuana shop in the Mile High City of Denver that is the state's top selling pot shop with sales that are literal...
Read full storyPaula Deen - I Am More Popular Than Jesus Christ
Paula Deen is at it again. Ever since news broke that Paula Deen admitted to using the N-word (the real N word - not nutrition) in a deposition last year, the self important, money grabbing, artery clogging inducing chef and health insurance compa...
Read full storyWashington Girl, 11, Shoots and Kills Cougar Tracking her Brother
An 11-year-old girl shot a cougar that was following her 14-year-old brother to their home at Twisp, in north central Washington. The female cougar killed last week was about 56 years old and weighed about 220 pounds - twice of what it should w...
Read full story10 Things Men Can Do Better Than Women
1. grow beards and mustaches, chest and back hair 2. snore so loudly it can be heard two doors down 3. hunt and fish in the summer, winter, spring, and fall 4. play 18 holes of golf at the same golf course for 30+ years 5. break wind so loud it can be heard two doors down 6. change flat tires, oil, spark plugs, fuel filter, transmission fluid... 7. belch so loud it can be...
Read full storyNASA Confirms That The Martian Pot Found By Curiosity Is 10 Times More Powerful Than Any Marijuana In Colorado
HOUSTON - NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb has informed the various news agencies that the marijuana that the Martian land rover Curiosity recently discovered on Mars is in fact of a very, very high grade. Timmelfarb stated that chemists analyze...
Read full storyNASCAR Legend Richard Petty Hits Danica Patrick Below The Belt and She Hits Him Right Back
TARZANA, California - Danica Patrick, the Darling of NASCAR, had just finished filming a public service commercial at The Gary Busey International Speedway when she was approached by a reporter with Sporting Chance Magazine. Hercules Confetti aske...
Read full storyTransgender rapist 'Faked' being transgender to get in a women's prison
In every Daily Mail reader's wet dream, Justine Hardwood was recently found to have 'faked' being transgender in order to be sent to Styal women's prison. In a bizarre twist, she has asked to be moved to a male prison, but denied the request. "A...
Read full storyChick-fil-A Announces A Name Change
ATLANTA - The second largest chicken franchise in the nation has decided to listen to its customers and it is making a slight change to its corporate name. Cullen Rigadoon, company spokesman said that the home office has received thousands of emai...
Read full storyTabloid Names And Shames World's Top Heterosexual
A day after a Ugandan tabloid newspaper came out with a list of what it called the country's top homosexuals. A tabloid has come out with its own list, naming and shaming heterosexuals. The cover of the Daily Sun newspaper read, "EXPOSED! World's...
Read full storyKenyan Figure Skater Claims Simon Cowell Is The Father of Her Twin Boys
SOCHI, Russia - The Sochi Olympics have been rocked by a statement made by Kenya's lone figure skater Mumbi Kagunda. The gorgeous 27-year-old skater is claiming that British music mogul Simon Cowell is the father of her twin boys Gakuro and Gatimu...
Read full storyBook Review - Jumanji by Chris Van Allsburg
This book is about these kids who somehow get involved with Mork from Mork and Mindy! There are a lot of things that happen, including a great scene where Mork PRETENDS he isn't actually Mork at all! Which was very confusing. I recommend my next book, MONOPOLY, if you liked this book. What happens is that these kids are suddenly plunged into the the game and become real estate moguls, dema...
Read full storyMick Jagger Announces He Has Just Purchased A Mansion in The Marijuana Capital of The USA, Colorado
ASPEN, Colorado - The leader of the Rolling Stones, Mick Jagger is all smiles as he has just finalised a deal to purchase a $4.9 million Rocky Mountain mansion in the Pot State of Colorado. Jagger spoke with Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Tal...
Read full storyBritney Spears Admits Her Recent Weight Gain Is A Result Of Her New Found Burger Craving
CALABASAS, California - Britney Spears says that she knows that she has put on a few pounds (12) but she says that it does not matter because she is as happy as a goat in a canning factory. The former X-Factor judge told Tapioca Swizzle with Tittl...
Read full storyNASA Is Considering Changing The Name of The Milky Way
HOUSTON - Word coming out of The Johnson Space Center is that there are rumblings within NASA regarding the name of the Milky Way. NASA spokesman Trent Timmelfarb let the space center news media know that there are some upper echelon officials wit...
Read full storyDisabled Houston Veteran Booted From Restaurant Over Service dog
A disabled U.S. veteran says he was booted from a Thai restaurant in Houston because the staff were not prepared to cook and serve him his service dog as an entree. Aryeh Ohayon, who served in the Army and Navy said his service dog, Bandit, was g...
Read full storyWings Over Scotland forced to withdraw 'Learn to Count with Wings' maths books as the figures don't add up
Internet bampot and Chief Cybernat Stuart Campbell has been forced into an embarrassing u-turn after his 'Learn to Count with Wings' maths books were found to be strewn with errors. The books were launched earlier this week in a blaze of glory, i...
Read full storySing Sing Prison Confiscates Over 3,000 Illegal Cell Phones During Surprise Inspection
OSSINING, New York - Officials at Sing Sing Prison have just informed the media of the results of a surprise inspection. A correction facility spokesperson who would only give her initials, V.Y. said that a group of 43 Sing Sing prison guards sear...
Read full storyIndependent Scotland 'wouldn't flood', claims Sturgeon
There would be no flooding in an independent Scotland it was claimed today. The bold statement was made by Deputy First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, who was making a speech from somewhere up really, really high. "This just goes to prove yet another diff...
Read full storyDoc Martin Leaves Louiser!
PORT ISAAC, CORNWALL - Exciting news from the set of Doc Martin. According to people who are close to the set, in Season 7, Doc Martin will leave Louiser after realizing Mrs. Tishell is, in fact, more his type. Louiser, meanwhile, takes off to...
Read full storyWyoming Woman Says Sasquatch Got Her Pregnant
GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Ursula Pearl Mugginfelt has always been fascinated by the hominid-like creature Bigfoot also known as Sasquatch. As a little girl growing up in Green River every year she would dress up as Sasquatch on Halloween. She said...
Read full storyAmerica the Beautiful (in the Age of Trump)
“I don’t care, do u?” Message on Melania Trump’s jacket, when visiting the border. O beautiful for spacious skies, For people who are white, For those who can speak English And sometimes get it right! America! America! God shed his grace on thee And crown thy Aryan brotherhood From sea to shining sea! O beautiful for xenophobes Whose stern impassioned hate Is clothed in hoods and c...
Read full storyBook Review - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Okay, I have no problem with this book, in fact I love it but, I think the proper term, and politically correct way of referring to dwarfs is midgets. So, please, could you get with the 21st Century and stop offending little people and retitle this book? I expect that there are thousands of midgets who totally offended to be regarded as dwarfs. I nearly thr...
Read full storyDairy Queen denies "sexism" charges
EDINA, MN -- Feminists have charged that Dairy Queen is sexist. The very name of the soft-serve ice cream company, Sheila Battle-Axe, Professor of Women's Studies at the University of Feminist Studies, says, is "insulting to women." "Queen," she p...
Read full storySNP to open chain of hairdressing salons
Alex Salmond today revealed plans for The Scottish National Party to open a chain of hair and beauty salons around Scotland. The move follows on from yesterday's comments made by celebrity hairdresser, Nicky Clarke, who said that "Scots are not...
Read full storyA Blizzard Hits The Sahara Desert
SOUTHEASTERN, Algeria - Algeria's national weather agency has commented that as astounding as it seems, a full-blown blizzard has hit the Sahara Desert dumping 13 inches of snow on the sand. Reports are that it is the very first time that snow has...
Read full storyNational Collective to Open 'Bowie Helpline'
It has been revealed today that National Collective are to open a helpline to assist its members on how to deal with the devastating news that David Bowie is a Unionist. The group, made up entirely by fuds who are completely up themselves, reacted sh...
Read full storyOldest piece of Earth to make fine brooch
WAY DOWN UNDER -- It has humble origins. Found inside the intestines of a slaughtered sheep, in Western Australia, of all places, an ancient crystal known, among rock hounds, as a zircon, is the oldest piece of Earth on record. According to scient...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Admits She's Taking Pills To Make Her Huge Butt Even Bigger
HOLLYWOOD - Kim Kardashian appeared on The View and told Barbara Walters that she has been taking a certain type of pill that is available only in Italy. Kim said that the pill, known as the Butt Pill, is designed to be taken (orally) three times...
Read full storyTopless Lebanese Olympic skier Jackie Chamoun's ass saved by US frostbite salve manufacturer
Sochi, Black Sea - A US pharma company has offered to rescue Lebanese Olympic skier Jackie Chamoun's snow games career after she was censured by her country's culture ministry for skiing topless in the Women's Freestyle at Sochi. Owners of Arkansa...
Read full storyMexico Announces They Have Developed A Nuclear Weapon
MEXICO CITY - Word coming from South of the border is that the Republic of Mexico has just joined the elite group of nations who possess nuclear weapons. Mexico's Las Maracas National News Agency is reporting that the weapons of mass destruction h...
Read full storyChurch Meets In The Nude!
A Church in Tallahassee, Florida who has a sister church in Virginia, both hold services in the nude. "You don't have to worry about what you wear or trying to show off a new outfit here", stated Brother Arnold Webb. "We're all the same in that w...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Clay Aiken Announces He Is Running For Senator of North Carolina
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - The singer who received his big break on American Idol back in 2003, has just announced that he plans to run for senator from the state of North Carolina. Aiken, who took second place on American Idol's season two, stil...
Read full storyU.S. Government Agents Seize Edward Snowden's Whistle
Edward Snowden may be holed up in Russia, but U.S. government officials say America will nevertheless be safe from future whistle-blowing by the American-born traitor because they've managed to seize Snowden's thus far elusive whistle. According t...
Read full storyColorado Denies Justin Bieber's Request To Purchase A Marijuana Farm
DENVER - Word coming out of the office of Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper is that the governor has emphatically turned down Justin Bieber's request to purchase a marijuana farm. Braydon D. Citronella, who is the official spokesperson for the R...
Read full storyLocal Man Cuts Down Tree On Old Lady Feeding Pigeons
Harold Gillis told everyone gathered around him that he was sorry that he had cut down the wrong tree and crushed the old lady and several pigeons she was feeding. "Look, it could happen to any of us. We think the tree is going to fall a certain w...
Read full storyVail, Colorado Erects A 200 Pound Statue of A Marijuana Seed
VAIL, Colorado - The citizens of the Colorado town of Vail are thrilled with the rise in tourism that has occurred due to the legalization of marijuana. In fact, the town has decided that to honor the fabulous cash crop it will be erecting a 200 p...
Read full storyPresident Putin's Niece Is Thrilled At Getting To Meet NBC's Meredith Vieira
SOCHI, Russia - The niece of Russian President Vladimir Putin, Nadia Olgavich, is positively thrilled at having met one of her female role models, Meredith Vieira. Miss Olgavich speaking with Russia's national news agency Vodkavich said that ever...
Read full storyBen & Jerry's Introduces Its Latest Ice Cream Flavor - Duck Dynasty Delight
SOUTH BURLINGTON, Vermont - The makers of the world famous Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream have just announced their latest ice cream creation. Company spokesperson Millard Cypress informed the news media at a press conference at the South Burlington...
Read full storyThe Aspen Airport Is Placing Marijuana Dispensing Machines In The Main Lobby
ASPEN, Colorado - The Snowman International Airport located just outside of Aspen has just announced that it will now be providing a new exciting service. Chelsea Tallydollar, 27, spokesperson with SIA, stated that effective February 28, a total o...
Read full storyNewly Married Couple Tell Friends About Their Hot Honeymoon
The Andersons come over to visit the new couple on the block, just back from their Honeymoon. "We're glad you're over here within visiting distance after the four of us being friends now for three years", stated Mr. Anderson. "We're glad to be on this block", stated Henry. "But we had a whale of a honeymoon." "Why, Donna's blushing. Look at that." "Oh there's a lot more to tell and he...
Read full storyBrooke Burke-Charvet Explains Why She Was Fired From Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Brooke Burke-Charvet served as the co-host for the dance show Dancing With The Stars for 8 seasons and then all of sudden she was fired without notice. The producers of the show simply said that it was an oversight on their part and th...
Read full storyRussell Brand shaves beard, gets mistaken for Kate Middleton
Los Angeles, Ca - Strolling down Rodeo Drive this afternoon the former smack addict husband of Katy Perry nearly caused a riot after being besieged by paparazzi convinced he was royal Brit scrounger Kate Middleton. "Actually he's slightly prettier...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Is Very Upset With Boyfriend Chicharito
NEW YORK CITY - Cheryl Cole was in New York City filming a television commercial for Jose Cuervo Tequila. The British singer was asked how things were going with her and her boyfriend, Manchester United soccer player Javier Hernández Balcázar bett...
Read full storyWest Virginia Votes To Change The 9-1-1 Emergency Number
CHARLESTON, West Virginia - State Senator Marlene W. Pillwater [D-Philippi] has just announced that the state senate has passed a bill which will change the 9-1-1- emergency number. Senator Pillwater said that after a heated debate on the senate f...
Read full storyNASA Reports That One Of Costa Rica's Astronauts Has Applied For An Astronaut's Job
HOUSTON - The National Aeronautics And Space Administration has just informed the public that a Costa Rican astronaut has left the Costa Rican Space Program and applied to NASA to become an astronaut. NASA's assistant spokesperson Skipper Flashfid...
Read full storyMen Arrested Of Abusing Cows Claim It Was By Moo-tual Consent
Two men who have been arrested on suspicion of sexually abusing cows are claiming that the cows not only agreed to the abuse but encouraged it. One of the men is accused of trying to have sex with several of the animals while another man, filmed...
Read full storyThe Yukon Polar Vortex Headed To The USA - Temperatures Could Dip Down To Minus 117
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Weather is issuing extreme cold warnings from the Dakota's, to The Great Lakes region, and over to the New Jersey area. USDW meteorologists predict that the Yukon Polar Vortex or YPV, will cause a...
Read full storyDove Tells Women To Love Their Armpits
Many people have called New Jersey the "Armpit of America" for several reasons: 1. The state creates too much garbage and wastes. 2. It has more than a hundred toxic waste dumps, which is the highest of all the states. 3. It is the largest chemi...
Read full storyBook Review - Madame Doubtfire by Anne Fine
I am sure there are better ways of getting to see your kids than dressing up and pretending to be a woman! Personally I see the sub text in this book - he had urges, certain uncontrollable urges to dress as a woman. Which is fine. Live and let live...but don't say it was for the kids....come on....please, he liked the feel of nylon on his legs, the freedom that a frock gives you, the fantastic...
Read full storyCosta Rica Is On The Verge of Overtaking Denmark As The World's Top Porn Video Country
SAN JOSE, Costa Rica - A representative for the Costa Rican government has informed the world wide press that the little Central American country is on the verge of achieving a world wide distinction. Since 2010, Costa Rica has become a mecca for...
Read full storyGirl Scout Sets Up Cookie Stand Outside of Pot Shop - Sells Out In 5 Minutes
BOULDER, Colorado - Little Boulder Girl Scout Brandy Valdesti, 12, has to be one of the most enterprising youngsters in the entire United States. Brandy had a total of 20 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies to sell and she decided to set up a table right...
Read full storyThe Sochi Olympics Organizing Committee Will Be Checking All Athletes For Any Illegal Tattoos
SOCHI, Russia - The president of The Sochi Olympics Organizing Committee has just made a statement that has angered many of the participating athletes; especially those from Germany. Committee President Dmitry Chernyshenko has stated in no uncerta...
Read full storyHumans To Go To Other Earth-Like Planets
NASA's Kepler spacecraft has discovered 715 more planets in the Milky Way that could be a suitable to sustain human life. Since the first such discovery, in 1995, this brings the total to about 1,700. "This is very good news indeed," said Biology...
Read full storyWalmart Removes All Of Its Miley Cyrus Action Figure Twerking Dolls From Its Shelves
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's biggest retail chain has just announced that due to a public outcry, it will be removing every Miley Cyrus Action Figure Twerking Doll from its shelves. Walmart spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace stated that the...
Read full storyArchaeologists In Indiana Make A Remarkable Discovery
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana - A group of Archaeologists affiliated with Johnny Appleseed University in Indianapolis have come across an astounding archaeological find. The group leader Dr. Larson Tuckteen has informed the news media that they have come...
Read full storyAnnual White House Governors Dinner to be moved to Colorado Springs next year
Washington - Lobbying groups close to Governor John Wright Chickencooper - uh, Hickenlooper! - Jr have petitioned President Obama to relocate the White House Governors Dinner to Colorado's Garden of the Gods next year following an economic miracle...
Read full storyPresident Barack Obama Loses A Super Bowl Bet To President Valdimir Putin
WASHINGTON, D.C. - As President Obama watched the Seattle Seahawks totally annihilate the Denver Broncos 43-8 in Super Bowl XLVIII, he thought about his fellow world leader Vladimir Putin of Russia. As soon as the game was over he told Vice-Presid...
Read full storyMysterious Silvery Sheen Falls From the Sky
FRESNO, CALIFORNIA - 911 emergency phone lines across Central California were jammed early this morning. "People all are reporting the same thing," says June Blankenship, a 911 dispatcher. "There is a strange substance coming out of the sky in...
Read full storySimon Cowell Now Has A Brand New Little Simon
NEW YORK CITY - British music mogul Simon Cowell was all smiles as his girlfriend Lauren Silverman gave birth to Cowell's first child on Valentine's Day. Cowell, 54, said that his baby mama and their new addition were both doing great. He did poin...
Read full storyWeird shit going on at Sochi Games as failed Olympic Ring channels BP logo
Sochi, Black Sea - It's spooky how not even the sight of red-hot tennis ace Maria Sharapova's perky 32-DD tits nor Vladimir Putin girlfriend Alina Kabaeva's slinky ass could fire up one of five illuminated Olympic Rings at the Winter Olympic Games op...
Read full storyApple Invents An iPod That Can Hold 7 Million Songs
CUPERTINO, California - Apple Inc. has just made an astounding announcement regarding its brand new Manzana Laser iPod. Apple Spokesperson Portia Yamashiro, 27, informed the news media that the consumer electronics giant has designed and developed...
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