Audi release a new car for the Somerset Levels

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 17 February 2014

image for Audi release a new car for the Somerset Levels
The Aquattro is the perfect car for shopping, with it's 56 litre boot

Audi's latest model for the home counties and South of England is bound to make something of a splash when it hits the shores next November.

"This car is something to behold," said Jeremy Clarkson in a pompous voice.

"It is seriously cool," said Richard Hammond from somewhere near Clarkson's knee.

"It's got a titanium shell with carbon fibre panelling," chimed in James May, ensuring that all three were confined to their stereotypes.

The Audi Aquattro is the first all terrain four wheel drive car in which all terrain means all terrain.

"This car floats!" said Hammond with barely contained glee.

"It has an impeller engine powered from the standard internal combustion engine," said May.

Audi claim that the Aquattro will perform as well on the roads as any other 4x4 on the market, if not better, but has the added advantage that it's water tight, floats, and can be steered like a car, but in water that would make a canoe pause.

"We gave the car to our tame racing driver," said Clarkson, "on the wettest day of the year, which was yesterday. Some say he has webbed feet, some say he writes these links himself, all we know is, he's the Stig."

The Stig, who's name cannot be given for the severe legal beating we got for outing the last one, showed that the new Aquattro can indeed handle itself in wet or dry conditions, although the lap time had to have 's' for 'submerged' the Aquattro was still faster than the Suzuki Swift and any Nissan.

With a spacious fifty-six litre boot and forty-nine miles to the gallon and a top speed of a hundred knots, the Audi is everything that the commuter in the South of England could want.

The Aquattro is ready for launch now, but Audi realise that the market will be stronger at the start of Britain's next rainy spell, in November.

"Although," said Clarkson, peering intently into a camera that wasn't there, "with the rain showing no sign of letting up, they might as well release it now. That way, I might get home."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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