Paula Deen - I Am More Popular Than Jesus Christ

Written by D P Whitehead

Friday, 28 February 2014

image for Paula Deen - I Am More Popular Than Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ or Is It Paula Deen?

Paula Deen is at it again.

Ever since news broke that Paula Deen admitted to using the N-word (the real N word - not nutrition) in a deposition last year, the self important, money grabbing, artery clogging inducing chef and health insurance companies favorite has been trying to rebuild her brand.

Unfortunately the "deep fry everything in sight" Southern 'cook' put her foot in her mouth again during a recent People magazine interview, during which she compared herself to Jesus Christ.

"I feel like 'saviour' or 'messiah' will always follow my name," the 'chef' told popular magazine People, that most people only read while sat in a doctor's or dentists waiting room.

"I feel I have been resurrected, that I have been reborn, just as Jesus was. And it is now my mission, which I am sure is God's plan, to make more money, induce more strokes and heart attacks and make sure that my annoying and fake voice is heard as often as possible."

Last year, Deen saw her empire crumble as she lost her series on Food Network and brand after brand distanced themselves from her.

"I was obsessed with the person America had confused me with - after I had lived my life so clean and open, just like Jesus did," she told the magazine.

Deen, who is not racist, because she says she is not, is sure her most recent announcement will not offend anyone. Y'all.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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