Alcatraz - New Home for San Francisco's Homeless?

Written by Wumf

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

image for Alcatraz - New Home for San Francisco's Homeless?
The City by the Bay

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - The San Francisco City Fathers are considering a plan to turn Alcatraz, a former maximum security prison, in to a new home for some of the city's 6,436 homeless. Closed in the 1960's as a prison, Alcatraz has since been used as a tourist destination.

Maurice Rivers, a city spokesman, explained, "Real estate prices are skyrocketing in our city and our homeless need places to go. When we thought of local places we could utilize for this purpose, the idea of Alcatraz came up. With a little elbow grease, we can clean up Alcatraz and turn those 336 cells into mini-condos. Over time, we plan to add more accommodations to the island. Just think of the great views!"

When asked what he thought of the Alcatraz idea, one of San Francisco's lifelong homeless, 68 year old Derby Clayton, stated, "Well, it would be good to get off the streets. It's pretty noisy and dirty. I'd like to be in a nice warm cell, especially in the winter when it gets so cold around here. I've spent some time in the city jail and if they feed us good like they do there, I'm fine with it!"

Alcatraz Island, known as "The Rock", is 1.5 miles from San Francisco in San Francisco Bay. When asked how the homeless would get to and from the city from Alcatraz, Rivers stated, "We will have a free shuttle ferry designated just for that purpose. We want our homeless to feel at home in San Francisco!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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