Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 22 February 2014

image for US naturalization application sees Roman Abramovich set for American citizenship, domiciled in Denver, Colorado
The mobster may have been inspired by a Homeland Insecurity recruitment campaign aimed at Russian oligarchs

Colorado - Months of rumors that the Russian mobster has bought up every single US patent for 'reefer' cigarettes finally came to a head today with news that Roman Abramovich's formal US citizenship application had been received by the Department of Homeland Insecurity.

Documents filed with the US Citizenships & Immigration Services Bureau show the oligarch give his principal private US residence for tax purposes as a $30 million Aspen, Colorado ski chalet that he bought 'in a garage sale' from former Saudi ambassador to the US Prince Bandar Bin Abdul Aziz at the end of 2012.

The 10 bedroom, 11 bathroom, 15 fireplace property is also the head office for the tycoon's US business empire from which he has shelled out a stonking $10 billion for every cannabis cigarette patent ever filed in the United States since the Great Depression of 1929.

Business analysts at the prestigious energy journal Big Oil Shagga have said the Russian gangster may be running out of options after reserves in his oil and gas holdings plummeted after being plundered to bankroll a series of daft super yacht purchases.

And a ruinous divorce from his ex-Aeroflot stewardess wife Irina.

Abramovich stands to quadruple his $10 billion investment within five years if the current cannabis decriminalisation process in Colorado and Seattle goes ahead.

Meanwhile an ounce of Denver Devilsclaw Bong Weed is retailing at around two thousand bucks.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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