Jesse James Says He Cheated On Sandra Bullock Because of Twinkies
LONG BEACH, California - Jesse "Dipstick" James says that he still thinks that his wife Sandra Bullock will find it in her heart of hearts to take him back. [CUE THE LAUGH MACHINE] James speaking while sitting on one of his 17 motorcycles in hi...
Read full storyThe Cost Of Living In Cyberspace
A gay man who isn't out to all his staff, recently checked his Facebook account and discovered a high school friend had posted a photo from 20 years earlier that strongly hinted at his sexual orientation. The photo shows his eyes are circled in d...
Read full storyIndians and Yankees Celebrate Anniversary of Herb Score's Injury by Caving In Pitcher's Face
Indians and Yankees Celebrate Herb Score's Injury with Reenactment on David Huff's Face. Shin-Soo Choo, while barely involved, is worked into story because of hysterical name. The Indians and Yankees celebrated the 53rd anniversary of Cleveland...
Read full storyRed Scarf Brigade loses bid to design new Olympic Mascot
The Red Scarf Brigade are expected to be reeling with disppointment today when the news reaches them that their, hitherto shortlisted mascot design, has now been rejected and is no longer short-listed. A spokesman from the 'judging committee' is r...
Read full storyDutch Subpoena Pope Benedict XVI Over Apparent Condom-King Abduction
The Amsterdam District Attorney, Hans Leeouenoveck, has subpoenaed His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI, in the investigation of the disappearance of Rameses Trojani. "This whole case smells worse than five loaves of bread and two fish. It's more li...
Read full storySuBo fanatics fight back!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies (yes, they're back again!) were attempting to fight back with attempted humor tonight. "It only took us 6 weeks, 4 group cards, 3 collections, 18 warnings, 42 bannings, and 27 tribute videos to cobb...
Read full storyLady Gaga Performs In Nottingham, England, Drenched In Fake Blood (Mostly)
NOTTINGHAM, England - Lady Gaga brought her Monster's Ball Tour, or Monster Balls Tour depending on which side of the 'Big Pond' you're on to Robin Hood's old stomping ground. The Lady danced and pranced and promenaded left and right while dressed...
Read full storyEasy Rider Dennis Hopper Bikes His Way Into The Unknown At 74
Legendary actor Dennis Hopper has died at the age of 74. Hopper, who was not the easiest person to be around, according to those who loved him, had prostate cancer. "Hopper was a pain in the ass but a great friend", stated Jack Nicholson. "He gave...
Read full storyDiff'rent Strokes Reruns Are Now On Cable 24/7
LOS ANGELES - The Shortcake Production Company which owns the rights to the television sit-com Diff'rent Strokes starring Gary Coleman has just announced to the entertainment media that the old comedy show is being shown throughout the world 24/7.
Read full storyEPA Orders Semi Trucks to be Replaced by Camels
Due to environmental concerns and numerous safety violations, President Obama's Environmental Protection Agency has ordered that all semi-tractor trailers in the United States be sent to scrap yards where they will be melted down and recycled.
Read full storyBP Upgrades Gulf Oil Spill From "Very Very Modest" to "Holy S--t".
BP Upgrades Gulf Oil Spill From "Very Very Modest" to "Holy S--t". Citing new findings from a Purdue University study, which found that the Gulf oil leak is dumping between 56,000 to 84,000 barrels per day, Tony Hayward, BP's top exec said, "we no...
Read full storyGordon Ramsey May Replace Simon Cowell on Idol
Los Angeles, CA - Word through the grapevine has it that Gordon Ramsey is on tap to compete for the coveted American Idol judge's seat left idle by Simon Cowell. Tiring of the cooking gigs he's been getting lately, Ramsay is said to be very intereste...
Read full storyDiff'rent Stripes Star Coleman's Final Stroke of Bad Luck
Garry Coleman, 42, star of controversial US comedy Diff'rent Stripes - in which a rich Georgia Cotton-growing family adopt the black children of their former she-slave Beulah May (who has become a New Orleans burlesque star) - has died in a hospital...
Read full storyZac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens Having Trial Marriage
Most people would have another name for it but Vanessa Hudgens is having a "Trail Marriage" with Zac Efron according to the tabloids. According to the story, the brilliant lady went off and left her water running at her house and it did over $200,...
Read full storyEurovision Song Contest continues to 'thrill' and 'excite'-apparently
It is with shock today, that some readers of The Spoof found out that the Eurovision Song Contest continues to thrill and excite audiences around the world. Many ex-pats believed it had died a death in the '80's only to find that it has indeed continued to be a much anticipated annual event. Admittedly, viewers are few and far between, mostly family and friends of the contestants. The reas...
Read full storyCGT causing home-owners to writhe in agony
The Government is mulling over the possiblity of an increase in the CGT (Cheeky Gits' Tax). Government officials agree that the CGT is usually only 'fiddled' with at the end of the 'fiscal' year but the coalition government want it increased from...
Read full storyCrossbow Cannibal 'obsessed' with Hannibal Lecter actor Anthony Hopkins
Yorkshire - (Slashers): Bradford's 'Crossbow Cannibal' Stephen Griffiths may have been obsessed with Silence of the Lambs star Anthony Hopkins whom he is said to resemble facially. A police search of the suspected murderer's seedy bedsit has found...
Read full storyA long awaited Statue of Susan Boyle has now been unveiled
The 'long awaited' 3 ft. statue has at last been unveiled and is being visited and admired by thousands. The sculpture is a work of art completed by a loyal Susan Boyle fan. The sculptor belongs to the Purple Team and is receiving congratulations...
Read full storyBP Executives Now Understand Full Impact of Oil Spill Disaster
New Orleans, LA - As millions of Americans ready themselves for a three-day Memorial Day weekend, BP executives and crew must work around the clock to continue efforts to stop the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico and at least appear as if they are...
Read full storySpoof Writer - Nae Mair Crap - 'Gets Away With It'
Spoof writer 'Nae mair crap', has just achieved, what was hitherto thought to be impossible. Nae mair wrote a 39 word sentence in a recently written article about the Queen's speech. How it got by the 'editorial' staff' is a mystery to other writers as there was supposed to be a cap of 23 words per sentence. It has been speculated by other writers that Nae mair slipped this one through using...
Read full storyMoron Fox News Host, Greta Van Susteren, Asks Fans If She's Dumb
For journalists, threatening letters or hate mail comes with the territory. And sometimes it can come at any moment, with critics instantly sending out emails when someone ticks them off on a blog or on the air. So Goofball Fox News host Greta...
Read full storyRonnie Biggs, Great Train Robber, victim of crime
Ronnie Biggs is now a VICTIM of crime. His mobility scooter has been vandalized. He isn't receiving much sympathy from the general public who say, 'What goes around, comes around.' Someone 'out there' has been waiting a long, long time to get...
Read full storyIsraeli Physicists Denied Place in Book of World Records
Book of World Records adjudicator, Martin Cransky, was sent to Israel to certify that two Israeli physicists have achieved a world record of entangling or inextricably linking five light particles that possess what they call a "weird feature of super...
Read full storyRed Sox Pitcher Dice-K's Erratic Performances Finally Explained
The recent 'schizophrenic' performances of Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka has been explained today when it was revealed that the 29 year old "Dice K" actually is one of two twins. In signing the pitcher in 2006 from the Seibu Lions, the Red Sox...
Read full storySuBo fans don tinfoil hats
Fear spread like a virus amongst the members of the self-described Greatest Only-est Online Susa-show on Earth (GOOSE), an online social networking community for people obsessed with their idiosyncratic versions of Susan Boyle. "GOOSE IS UNDER ATT...
Read full story"The Gooch" Charged With Murder of Gary Coleman
Police in Utah have announced that they are holding The Gooch in connection with the sudden, yet somehow merciful death of former miniature train-wreck Gary Coleman. Coleman, 42, died Friday at a Utah hospital from a brain hemorrhage initially bel...
Read full storyBizzare: Heidi Montag Splits With Husband Spencer Pratt
Reality television star Heidi Montag has separated from her husband, Spencer Pratt, after the couples highly publicized relationship went from the unusual to the weird to the bizarre. For one thing, Pratt had forbidden Heidi from watching televisi...
Read full storyCrowd at Apple Store in the Louvre reaches 500; France surrenders to it.
Over 500 French technophiles waited in line for several hours at the Apple store, in the Louvre's shopping center, for the chance to buy an iPad, which went on sale yesterday. Fearing that the iPad owners are already stronger than France's combin...
Read full storyReligious Right Wants to Re-Name Uranus
Arlington, VA - The Fellowship, aka the Family, a powerful religious and political force in Washington, DC has determined that the planet Uranus is inappropriately named and is seeking to have it re-named to something that children (and many adults)...
Read full storyCeremony marks 70th anniversary of Dunkirk rout
A ceremony has taken place to mark the 70th anniversary of the panicked flight of troops from Dunkirk. Veterans attended the event at the Allied Memorial on Dunkirk seafront, with 50 of the originally commandeered "little ships" offshore. Portsmo...
Read full storyCalifornia Governor Under Fire for Anti-Fattie Law
Los Angeles, CA - California is another state to recently take issue with a growing problem and aim legislation at it. Lest you think illegal immigrants are the problem, however, that is not the number one concern with Californians. No, California ha...
Read full storyEdmonds and Kyle to face death penalty
The incoming government has vowed to clamp down on seedy and supine daytime television. Key targets have been identified as evergreen Noel Edmonds and moronic Jeremy Kyle. A home office spokesperson stated - "If we are to combat obesity, then we m...
Read full storyMid-East nuclear-free zone treaty described as 'bullshit'
Nearly 200 nations, corporations and rabid religious sect signatories of the Nuclear War Image Enhancement Treaty (NWIET), have agreed to agree to work towards a toned down nuclear-weapons zone in the Middle East. The members, meeting at the UN i...
Read full storyGovernment Launches Justice Lottery
In a bid to reduce public expenditure and raise funds, Justice Secretary Ken Clark has announced a new justice lottery. In a speech at Westminster on Tuesday, Clark told MPs that the new system would be quicker and fairer for everybody. He reveale...
Read full storyTiger Woods To Marry Jaimee Grubbs
In the latest episode of "As The Tiger Roars!" he is said to be considering marrying longtime girlfriend, Jaimee Grubbs who "wasn't available for reporters at the present time." However, a source who knows Grubbs very well says that everything is...
Read full storyCrossbow Cannibal 'lost his veginity' after watching Cooking With Delia
Bradford - (Slashers): "Delia trussing poussins - that's spring chickens to you and me - was what did it," Mrs Moira Griffiths explained to reporters today. "Overnight it changed his carnal appetites, like," Mrs G added, "gave him a taste for the...
Read full storyBrown off the rails on after dinner speech curcuit
Disgraced former prime minister has found life less than comfortable outside the cossetted corridors of power. Billed as Tony Blair 'The Squeakwel' he has found few friends in America where he hoped to cash in on the after dinner speakers curcuit.
Read full storyClint Eastwood Is Sick - Of Himself
Dirty Harry star Clint Eastwood is living a double life confessing despite excepting movie roles, he has "become tired" of seeing himself on the big screen. His admission comes after turning 80 saying he would rather stay behind camera's and allow...
Read full storyKatie Price go-ahead for "Top Tramps"
Katie Price has unexpectedly given the thumbs-up to controversial card game "Top Tramps". Despite the fact she resides at a lowly 3rd place, Top Tramps is destined to blast it's way into child folklore where they can learn adhoc about 'tardiness',...
Read full storyUnknown 1970s Sitcom Script Found
BCB (British Corporation for Broadcasting) archaeologists have uncovered a previously unknown sitcom script while excavating a desk in the BCB London studios. The script was written in 1974 and is a comedy drama based around a police station. It is e...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Is Trailer Trash
Pasty po-faced Twilight sulk-Queen Kristen Stewart is enjoying having a clean horizon, as the end of the Twilight saga approaches, and - though Kristen could never be accused of anything so non-cool as public thinking or any other kind of publicly effortful activity - it's fascinating to try to peer through the elegant skeins of Camel smoke at the washed-out waif and decipher her brattish behaviou...
Read full storyChe Guevara fans celebrate "Stab a Baby for Socialism" day
The UK Socialist party has held a festival in honour of psychopathic murderer Che Guevara's birthday. Mr Guevara has become an icon for far-left activists who choose to overlook his less-than-perfect record on human rights. A spokesman for the UK...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars' Derek Hough Flies To Great Britain and Puts The (Dance) Moves on Cheryl Cole
LONDON - Derek Hough and Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger captured the Dancing With The Stars coveted Mirror Ball Trophy and within 48 hours "Dancing Derek" flew to London to capture Chezza Cole's heart (again). The two lovebirds had nested in Los...
Read full storyJane Fonda Returns to Vietnam to Protest Oil Spill
Hanoi, Vietnam. Jane Fonda, looking green and a foxy sixty four, has returned to the place that brought her so much attention in the sixties. Hanoi was the capital of then North Vietnam and enemy of the US. An odd place for an American to visit,...
Read full storySpencer Pratt Dumps Heidi Montag - Says The Smell of Plastic Just Got To Damn Strong
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Spencer Pratt has confessed that he could no longer stand to be in the same room with his wife Heidi Montag, alias "The Plastic Woman." Pratt, 26, revealed that the smell of plastic just got to strong for him to take. He explaine...
Read full storyiPad Gets More Attention at the Louvre than Mona Lisa
The global launch of the Apple iPad on Friday was a major event. In Paris, early crowds to buy the iPad at the Carrousel du Louvre shopping center in the museum complex outnumbered the people waiting in line to see Leonardo da Vinci's famous paintin...
Read full storyC.N. Tower collapses as a result of a 'visit' by Subo fanatics
This day will indeed go down in history, today, the C.N. Tower, in Toronto, Canada, collapsed. It is reported that no one important was injured, only 250 Subo fanatics who were heading to the Restaurant to dine as guests of Canuck William, an av...
Read full storyAbsolutely Fatuous: Lawsuit is Latest Fergie Setback
Still smarting the Queen's decision to restyle her Doshless of York, Sorry Ferguson is set for a High Court battle with creative impresario Col. Jennifer Sanders. The hard-working actress, who made a small fortune through actual talent, is suing...
Read full story"The Red Scarf Brigade" pulls out of Harrods deal
'The Red Scarf Brigade' have, indeed, pulled out of the 'Harrods' deal. They no longer have the money to buy this 'icon' of British Department Stores. When asked why they pulled out, spokesman, Canuck William, wearing no pants as usual, said, "Well, we successfully bid in the auction for the Subo fansite and it did indeed take every penny we had between us. Contrary to popular belief, memb...
Read full storyAfter His Appearance On The American Idol Finale, 70s Rocker Alice Cooper Has Signed To Be Justin Bieber's Opening Act
HOLLYWOOD - Ever since American Idol first came onto the reality TV show scene nine years ago, recording artists who have not been in the public eye in years and even decades have literally begged the AI producers to allow them to make an appearance.
Read full storyArizona's Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio Vows To Round Up Every Chihuahua In Arizona And Send Them Back To Mexico
MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio told an assembled crowd of Arizona dog breeders that he vows to round up every single Chihuahua dog in the state and FedEx them all back to Mexico. Arpaio, who reportedly got his nickname becau...
Read full storyCaptain Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger Lands Private Plane On Kirstie Alley
The pilot who became famous for safely landing a passenger jet in the Hudson River saving everyone aboard has made a second miracle landing with his small private plane. "I don't know exactly what happened", Sully told reporters. It may have been...
Read full story"Sex And The City" Star Cynthia Nixon Appears On 'The View' and Says Her Gal Pal Has Man Boobs
HOLLYWOOD - Appearing on the View and surrounded by quite a gathering of journalistic vultures, Cynthia Nixon sat in the middle of the sofa taking questions left and right from the assorted highly-paid professional 'mouthpieces.' Whoopi Goldberg a...
Read full storyCommentary, by funwithwords: Who Came Up With the Easter Bunny Anyway?
Oklahoma City -- Let's get right to it, shall we? I'm not gettin' it, folks: why in the world do we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus by instilling within our children the expectation of a rabbit coming by the house and dropping off a load of muti-colored chicken eggs once per year? As I've noted in other "Commentaries," I readily acknowledge that I'm not the brightest bulb in the socket. G...
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