Michel Platini to shave off his invisible shit moustache after Europa Cup final

Funny story: Michel Platini to shave off his invisible shit moustache after Europa Cup final

French footballing legend and current UEFA chief Michel Platini has decided to shave off his invisible moustache after it began stinking of shit at the Europa League final in Hamburg. Platini seemed to be sneering at the Fulham players when he pre...

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The 2010 Girls Aloud Nude Calendar Has Just Become Great Britain's Biggest Selling Calendar of All Time

Funny story: The 2010 Girls Aloud Nude Calendar Has Just Become Great Britain's Biggest Selling Calendar of All Time

LONDON - The Bloomin' British Babes Calendar Company which is based in Bristol has just reported that its 2010 Girls Aloud Nude Calendar has just surpassed sales of the previous number one calendar which was Cheryl Cole's 2010 nude calendar named Che...

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Arkansas's New Motto: "Hey Y'all Come On Over and Sit A Spell, We Ain't Like Arizona"

Funny story: Arkansas's New Motto: "Hey Y'all Come On Over and Sit A Spell, We Ain't Like Arizona"

LITTLE ROCK - The Lieutenant governor of Arkansas, Clyde "Bubbaface" Gritflicker, who is in charge of The Arkansas Department of Marriage and Tourism, stated that he has come up with a brand new idea to generate interest in the little anvil-looking s...

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Congress Rushes to Enact 'Potty Parity' As Obama Names Yet Another Pant Suit Lard Ass to Team!

Funny story: Congress Rushes to Enact 'Potty Parity' As Obama Names Yet Another Pant Suit Lard Ass to Team!

Befuddled by real problems requiring leadership and real answers, the US Congress put off facing tough choices once again, and has devoted it's time to working on a "Potty Parity" bill to bring Women's Rest Rooms up to Men's Standards! The pressin...

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C Nick Legg - a warning from history

Funny story: C Nick Legg - a warning from history

How many of us were observant enough to C Nick Legg's star rising? Keen observers would C that Nick Legg joined the Tories at uni even though he can't remember doing that. Moving forward a few years did Charles Kennedy MP and former Leader of...

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Obama /Karzai Press Conference: "A Perfect Blendship"

Funny story: Obama /Karzai Press Conference: "A Perfect Blendship"

As reporters gathered in the East Room today, they were startled that a full jazz band was seated at the front of the room complete with instruments and at the ready. When the two leaders of their countries stepped out of the curtains the band st...

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Michael Jackson: Newer 2008 Tapes Surface, Show Possible Long-Term Prescription Drug Addiction!

Funny story: Michael Jackson: Newer 2008 Tapes Surface, Show Possible Long-Term Prescription Drug Addiction!

In a series of tapes being released by an Australian tabloid it shows that Michael Jackson was deeply under the influence of prescription drugs. The recordings show the star longing for a comeback and wanting the press to leave him alone about hi...

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A Black Hole has been flung out of a distant galaxy and is hurtling towards Soweto!

Funny story: A Black Hole has been flung out of a distant galaxy and is hurtling towards Soweto!

A massive Black Hole (the size of Whitney Houston's nostrels) has been flung out of a distant galaxy by it's mother Black Hole (the size of Whitney Houston's pussy after Bobby Brown left it). Observed by the US Chandra space observatory the massiv...

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Top Ten iPhone Apps

Funny story: Top Ten iPhone Apps

iLonely - For women. A nighttime application that simulates a man snoring through the night. iVagina for men sold separately. iMencia - Steals other applications and takes them as its own. Also known as the iSuck. iPhone phone app - This ingenious program actually allows you to press a certain 10 digits that will then allow you to speak to another human being anywhere in the world! iPho...

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Texas Legislature Votes to Outsource Border Security

Funny story: Texas Legislature Votes to Outsource Border Security

AUSTIN, TX -- Texas Governor Rick Perry, is expected to sign the bill voted on by the legislature to outsource border security when it reaches his desk this week. In the first of its kind in the nation, the controversial bill is expected to be a doub...

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Elena Kagan And Janet Napolitano Get "Janet Reno" Special Haircut

Funny story: Elena Kagan And Janet Napolitano Get "Janet Reno" Special Haircut

A Washington insider broke the news this morning that Obama Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan, and Homeland Security Czar, Janet Napolitano, use the same barber to style their hair. In connection with this, the Wall Street Journal denied that its pi...

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Skippy Goes To The Zoo

Funny story: Skippy Goes To The Zoo

Skippy Goes To The Zoo Introduction: Skippy the dog liked his new master. He liked sleeping on the warm floor of the laundry room in an old laundry basket, curled up in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blanket. He also enjoyed his dog biscuits and the occasional belly rubs from his owners. Skippy, however, was not really a dog! Even though he was picked up from the pound, even though h...

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Skippy Meets A Friend

Funny story: Skippy Meets A Friend

Skippy Meets A Friend Introduction: Skippy the dog liked his new master. He liked sleeping on the warm floor of the laundry room in an old laundry basket, curled up in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles blanket. He also enjoyed his dog biscuits and the occasional belly rubs from his owners. Skippy, however, was not really a dog! Even though he was picked up from the pound, even though he...

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Who's Who In New Cabinet

Funny story: Who's Who In New Cabinet

Many people may be confused about the British Government. Here we provide a cut out and keep guide to the new cabinet. Prime Minister: Lord Snooty. Old Etonian, Bullingdon Club, champagne swilling Dave the Rave. Likes beating servants and toasting crumpets on teenage boys. Deputy Prime Minister: Nick Fagg. Promises to do whatever Lord Snooty says in return for a chance to pretend to be the P...

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America To Join Euro

Funny story: America To Join Euro

The United States of America has been given the green light to be the eighteenth nation to join the Euro. As soon as Estonia has surrendered its sovereignty and become a toady to European capital, it will be the turn of the USA. President Obama ha...

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Fabio Capello panics as Scholes refuses to play for England Subo amongst people named to help him out

Funny story: Fabio Capello panics as Scholes refuses to play for England Subo amongst people named to help him out

Paul Scholes has turned down Fabio Capello's offer to return to international football and play, once again, for England. Scholes retired from international football in 2004 with 66 caps After throwing a tantrum, Fabio calmed down and put on his t...

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Wireless Battery Recharger Runs on Batteries

Funny story: Wireless Battery Recharger Runs on Batteries

In an effort to show how green they can be, Vanson has introduced a new wireless battery re-charger that runs on batteries rather than through a wired connection. "It's all about saving the environment," said Vanson spokesman Timothy Childress. "F...

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Zac Efron and Eva Longoria-Parker To Star In The Remake of "The Graduate"

SAN ANTONIO - Eva Longoria-Parker was watching her husband San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker playing their elimination game against the Phoenix Suns when she was asked about her next movie project. The petite star of Desperate Housewives, was dr...

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SPIN Magazine Folds; Claims It Is Too Cool For Itself

Funny story: SPIN Magazine Folds; Claims It Is Too Cool For Itself

After 25 years on the newsstands, SPIN Magazine has folded due to its overwhelming awesomeness in all things cool. Since its inception in 1985, SPIN Magazine was immediately recognized for its overt coolness by covering unknown artists at the tim...

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Ravens' Loss Results in Lack of Ice Cream

Funny story: Ravens' Loss Results in Lack of Ice Cream

The Baltimore Ravens lost a detrimental game Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the loss was primarily due to mental errors and costly 4th quarter penalties. It went without saying that head coach John Harbaugh's promise to take the team out...

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Ramen Noodle Ingredient Added To Periodic Table

Funny story: Ramen Noodle Ingredient Added To Periodic Table

Members of the Food and Drug Administration, along with members of the scientific community, have concluded that the main ingredient in Ramen Noodles is not to be found anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. "Not only is it not anywhere o...

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Thank God For The Conservatives!

Funny story: Thank God For The Conservatives!

Middle Englanders everywhere were falling to their knees giving thanks this morning as they awoke to find David Cameron firmly ensconced in the hallowed halls of Downing Street. For, as we can exclusively reveal - The coming to power of the Conser...

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Inner-City Ice Cream Truck Actually Sells Ice Cream, Cones

Funny story: Inner-City Ice Cream Truck Actually Sells Ice Cream, Cones

Philadelphia, PA - Crack-heads surrounding North Philadelphia's Diamond Street were terribly dismayed yesterday after discovering that their usual ice cream truck full of crack was actually selling ice cream. "It be bullshit," said Derrick Thomas,...

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Agitated Travelers Protest Iceland Volcano

Funny story: Agitated Travelers Protest Iceland Volcano

ICELAND- The members of the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics traveled to Iceland last week to protest the active volcano which began erupting on April 15. "Of all the weeks for Earth to pull this shit," said Steven Hills, president o...

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Greyhound Now Making Stops in Funkytown

Funny story: Greyhound Now Making Stops in Funkytown

In an effort to capitalize on the economic downturn, Greyhound Lines Incorporated has revamped its efforts to reach more customers. Included in the plans are cheaper ticket prices, new streamlined buses, as well as a new destination: Funkytown, U.S.A...

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Merck Releases New Flinstones-Shaped Vicodin

Funny story: Merck Releases New Flinstones-Shaped Vicodin

The pharmaceutical giant, Merck & Co., has just released a fun new shape of Vicodin in the form of your favorite "Flintstones" characters. "It's an exciting day," said Merck spokesman, Jonathan Sanders, "We are the second largest pharmaceutica...

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Beatles Re-Release Their Catalog of Re-Remastered Albums

Funny story: Beatles Re-Release Their Catalog of Re-Remastered Albums

For the 4th time since the compact disc's inception into mainstream culture, the entire Beatles catalogue has been re-mastered; this time into a sleeker black box. "Finally," said Herb Thurman, a 56 year old Beatles fan, "Finally, the corporate dr...

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Brittany Murphy Dies From Pneumonia Overdose

Funny story: Brittany Murphy Dies From Pneumonia Overdose

Brittany Murphy has faded back into pop culture by fatally overdosing on prescription pneumonia. The 32 year old bubbly actress, brought to fame by appearing in such films as The Prophecy II and an episode of Blossom, collapsed in the shower of h...

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NBC's Celebrity Apprentice Renamed "Celebrity" Apprentice

Funny story: NBC's Celebrity Apprentice Renamed "Celebrity" Apprentice

New York, NY - NBC executives made an honest move yesterday by naming their Sunday night primetime show "Celebrity Apprentice," to simply "Celebrity" Apprentice. "We can't lie to the public anymore," said NBC executive John Starling about the show...

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Philadelphia Acquires Country's Biggest Crack Star

Funny story: Philadelphia Acquires Country's Biggest Crack Star

Philadelphia, PA - Mayor Michael Nutter has accomplished something other Philadelphia Mayors have been unable to do for fifteen years: acquire the biggest Crack Star from Los Angeles and bring him over to stumble the streets of Philadelphia. "I've...

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David Cameron is officially announced GB's No. 1 "Wanker"!

Funny story: David Cameron is officially announced GB's No. 1 "Wanker"!

Nick Clegg and his Lib Dems have opened the gateway for his arch rival to be announced as Britain's No. 1 wanker with Nick himself being selected as the second biggest wanker. Wanking is a fond hobby of politicians, they often wank themselves, the...

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David Cameron To Ban EastEnders

Funny story: David Cameron To Ban EastEnders

New British Prime Minister David Cameron has today delivered his first speech as the nation's leader, and has announced his intention to ban any further broadcasts of the BBC1 show EastEnders. Cameron told a massed media gathering outside number 1...

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Pete Doherty And Peaches Geldof Unveil New London Waxworks

Funny story: Pete Doherty And Peaches Geldof Unveil New London Waxworks

Much excitement today at the Dungeons Of London horror/wax museum as Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty, and 'not sure exactly what it is I do for a living, but Saint Bob's me dad' star Peaches Geldof unveiled waxwork likenesses of themselves this mo...

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SuBo fanatic threatens to jump!

Funny story: SuBo fanatic threatens to jump!

High drama was taking place in Toronto earlier, when a Susan Boyle fanatic was spotted at the top of the CN Tower threatening to jump. Sporting a red scarf, and oddly no pants, the Canadian fanatic was shouting "Susan doesn't love me anymore! I have...

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Cameron Appoints Clegg His Official Fag

Funny story: Cameron Appoints Clegg His Official Fag

David 'Dave' Cameron has announced that Nick Clegg is going to fag for him at 10 Downing Street. Prime Minister Cameron is looking forward to having Clegg warm his crumpets over the fire. Cameron, an Old Etonian and a member of the legendary Bulli...

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Boffin's Scheme to Save Dover Cliffs

Funny story: Boffin's Scheme to Save Dover Cliffs

CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND - Immortalized in lyrics and verse, the "White Cliffs of Dover" are an icon of English patriotism and nostalgia - a familiar landmark for returning travelers akin to the Statue of Liberty for Americans. That is why there is cons...

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The Michael Jackson Tapes - Jacko Feared Cameron Would Make Him Defence Minister

Funny story: The Michael Jackson Tapes - Jacko Feared Cameron Would Make Him Defence Minister

The late 'King of Pop' Michael Jackson was reportedly paranoid that should David Cameron ever be elected Prime Minister, he would be railroaded into becoming Minister of Defence by a coalition government. So states a tape recording made public thi...

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United States Raising Zombie Army In Haiti

Funny story: United States Raising Zombie Army In Haiti

In return for all the United States has done for their country over the years, especially after the recent earthquake, Haiti has given secret American armed forces there the right to raise a huge zombie army in case we suffer another attack like that...

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Lockerbie bomber 'sole survivor of Libya plane crash'

Funny story: Lockerbie bomber 'sole survivor of Libya plane crash'

Tripoli - (Deja-Vu): "There's something a bit Nigel Farage about me," Abdelbasset Ali Al Megrahi said today as he emerged from the wreckage of the Afriqiyah Airways Airbus 330 that crashed enroute to London from Johannesburg. The 69 year-old convi...

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Johnny Ball Admits He Was High Presenting Think Again

Funny story: Johnny Ball Admits He Was High Presenting Think Again

Former children's TV presenter Johnny Ball has admitted being "so high" when he presented BBC1's Think Again that he "could hardly talk". Speaking on a special documentary, 'A Load of Balls' the star said "Sometimes I was just so high. The adrenal...

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Grey Whales Fleeing Pacific Slaughter for Israel's Promised Water

Funny story: Grey Whales Fleeing Pacific Slaughter for Israel's Promised Water

JERUSALEM - The appearance of a grey whale off the coast of Israel has stunned scientists, in what was thought to be the first time the giant mammal has been seen outside the Pacific in several hundred years. The whale, which was first sighted off...

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Who do they think I am? Asks Cameron

Funny story: Who do they think I am? Asks Cameron

A crowd of reporters were in Downing Street this morning after a microphone stand, left in the road last night by the Prime Minister and later reported stolen, was mysteriously returned by a plain-clothed policeman. But reporters hoping to catch...

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BP to Plug Leaking Deepwater Well with Rush Limbaugh's Likeness

Funny story: BP to Plug Leaking Deepwater Well with Rush Limbaugh's Likeness

As BP continued its efforts to stem the flow of sea water into the Gulf of Oil at its Blackwater Horizon drilling site, the company announced Monday it will implement a plan in the next two weeks to permanently plug the deep water gusher. This so...

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Special Escort Group goes AWOL!

Funny story: Special Escort Group goes AWOL!

The New British Prime Minister, David Cameron was sensationally left unprotected after the Special Escort Group visited "Rambo's Kebabs" on Bayliss Road in Waterloo for a celebratory snack having got rid of Gordon Brown & his annoying habit of tr...

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Barney Frank Caught Traveling with Heterosexual Female Conservative Christian

Funny story: Barney Frank Caught Traveling with Heterosexual Female Conservative Christian

Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) has confirmed reports that he has previously traveled with a female conservative Christian who happens to be a heterosexual. The news sent shock waves throughout the gay community when the Conservative Christian Monthly brok...

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American Idol: Casey "The Boy Toy" James Sings Mrs. Robinson and Dedicates It To Kara DioGuardi

Funny story: American Idol: Casey "The Boy Toy" James Sings Mrs. Robinson and Dedicates It To Kara DioGuardi

HOLLYWOOD - This weeks American Idol theme was 'songs from the movies.' And interestingly enough no one chose The Theme From Carrie; The Theme From The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly; or Watergate - The Theme From Frost/Nixon." Lee DeWyze chose the s...

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A Phone Call from Mom Increases Stress Nearly as Well as a Slap

Funny story: A Phone Call from Mom Increases Stress Nearly as Well as a Slap

A slap from Mom might sound painful, but new research shows that just hearing her voice can initiate the same sorts of biochemical responses - even when Mommy Dearest is communicating by phone. The human body produces the hormone cortisol as a re...

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Dancing With The Stars: Niecy Nash Told To Jiggle Her "Parts" On Off The Dance Floor and Out The Exit Door

Funny story: Dancing With The Stars: Niecy Nash Told To Jiggle Her "Parts" On Off The Dance Floor and Out The Exit Door

HOLLYWOOD - And then there were four. Dancing With The Stars host Tom Bergeron showed the fully full-figured Niecy Nash the exit. At first Miss Nash, who unofficially tips the scales at 270, said that she was not leaving and that there was no moth...

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Kagan the Mother of Trig Palin

Washington, DC - Andrew Sullivan, America's premiere investigative journalist, who once famously kinda proved Sarah Palin was not the mother of her soi-disant son Trig -- and who's been furiously tracking the sexual orientation of Supreme Court nomin...

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Dick Cheney May Have Oil on His Hands in Oil Spill Mess

Funny story: Dick Cheney May Have Oil on His Hands in Oil Spill Mess

"Big Oil Cover Up Bigger than Spill Itself," should have screamed the headlines in this morning's newspapers across the land. But alas, it was not to be. Instead, the only media outlets to pick up on the story of Halliburton's very real involvement i...

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David Cameron Is Now Officially Great Britain's New Prime Minister

Funny story: David Cameron Is Now Officially Great Britain's New Prime Minister

LONDON - After going through a rock, paper, scissors, ritual, David Cameron has emerged as the new leader of England and the new occupant of 10 Downing Street. When the new prime minister was asked what some of his initial priorities will be he pa...

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Satan Enters Heaven Following Pact With Nick Clegg

Funny story: Satan Enters Heaven Following Pact With Nick Clegg

Satan has become the new Prime Minister of Heaven, after forming a coalition with Nick Clegg's Liberal Democrats. God has resigned as Prime Minister and an election for leader of the forces of good will follow in July. Satan was delighted to becom...

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Melissa Etheridge and Chely Wright To Record "The Ballad Of The Glazed Donuts"

Funny story: Melissa Etheridge and Chely Wright To Record "The Ballad Of The Glazed Donuts"

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Melissa Etheridge emailed Chely Wright as soon as she heard the 'carpet munching' news and invited her to do a duet with her. Chely replied that if by 'duet' she means a little bit of 'playpen pounding' she was sorry but she would...

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Cameron Diaz is UK's new prime minister

Funny story: Cameron Diaz is UK's new prime minister

Startling left-turn in this week's news from Downing Street: one of Hollywood's most glamourous stars, Cameron Diaz, is now the UK's new prime minister, following the resignation of Gordon Brown. Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg will be her deputy after...

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Dancing With The Stars: Nicole "The Pussycat Doll" Scherzinger and Derek Hough Score Three Perfect 10s!

Funny story: Dancing With The Stars: Nicole "The Pussycat Doll" Scherzinger and Derek Hough Score Three Perfect 10s!

HOLLYWOOD - The latest edition of Dancing With The Stars was quite a physical undertaking. There was melodramatic movement on a night that saw a lot of physical action such as Niecy "Jiggly Parts" Nash accidentally hitting both her ears with her tits...

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Rob Pattinson's Face Appears on a Wedding Cake!

Funny story: Rob Pattinson's Face Appears on a Wedding Cake!

CHICAGO, Illinois - Patrons of Chicago's Nouveau Moon Pattisserie were shocked this afternoon when Rob Pattinson's face suddenly appeared on a five-tiered wedding cake iced in Italian Meringue buttercream. "I told you to tie your shoelaces," said...

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BP to Use Arizona to Fill Sandbags for Coast

Funny story: BP to Use Arizona to Fill Sandbags for Coast

CCN (Crazy Cal News)- Houston - BP CEO Tony Hayward, after passing the blame for the oil spill between its company, Halliburton, and Transocean, valiantly engineered plans to save the coast line of the United States. After The Three Stooges of...

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Cameron takes over

Funny story: Cameron takes over

David Cameron this evening takes over from the Labour Government. "I'm grateful for all the Labour Government has done over the last 13 years," he enthused. "I'm grateful for inheriting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, grateful for the economic d...

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Dolly Parton Admits She's Had Padded Bra For Many Years

Funny story: Dolly Parton Admits She's Had Padded Bra For Many Years

"Boy am I ever glad to have that off my chest", stated Dolly Parton to reporters at a press conference this morning just outside of Nashville, Tennessee as she was among several country music stars that are planning to do a fund raising concert for t...

Read full story View 'Dolly Parton Admits She's Had Padded Bra For Many Years'
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