Commentary, by funwithwords: Who Came Up With the Easter Bunny Anyway?

Funny story written by funwithwords

Saturday, 29 May 2010


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Commentary, by funwithwords: Who Came Up With the Easter Bunny Anyway?
What the hell is this all about?

Oklahoma City -- Let's get right to it, shall we? I'm not gettin' it, folks: why in the world do we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus by instilling within our children the expectation of a rabbit coming by the house and dropping off a load of muti-colored chicken eggs once per year?

As I've noted in other "Commentaries," I readily acknowledge that I'm not the brightest bulb in the socket. Granted. But seriously, who came up with this? Does anybody even know who came up with this? Does anybody even care who came up with this?

Is it possible that this is all some ridiculous joke started, oh, I don't know, perhaps centuries ago by some mischievous lad intent on poking fun at our collective gullibilities? Like, "Oh sure, I'll play along with this idiotic ritual. By all means, everybody else does it. And we all know it can't be stupid if everybody else does it, now can it...."

I'm not so sure. Even as a child I was like, "why does a rabbit insist on unloading a basketful of candy and chicken eggs in my Easter basket?" Thoroughly confused over the entire situation, I posed this very question to my parents one year when I was but a child.

In hindsight, I suppose the answer I received was about as deserving as the entire concept of a rabbit dropping chicken eggs around the world is stupid: "Well, because you left your basket out, that's why."

"Oh." Well that explains it, I thought. "But..." I tried to press on, yet gave up due to the fact it was clear I wasn't going to get a straight answer. In further hindsight, I suppose an answer wasn't forthcoming simply because even my parents had no clue what the hell we were doing. We were just doing what everybody else does on that particular day of the year -- hunt for chicken eggs dropped off by a Jesus rabbit.

As I grew a older, yet still a child, I was convinced I had discovered a "missing link." A "missing link" because I had simply felt it preposterous that a lone rabbit could deliver so many chicken eggs to so many folks around the world. But then came, and I may be dating myself here, that Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom show on TV.

There, for the first time, I was introduced to what appeared to me to be a giant rabbit, otherwise known as a kangaroo. It had to be at least part of the answer because that thing was fast.

Besides, no one I knew had actually ever seen this so-called Easter "rabbit." Plus, unlike a rabbit, this kangaroo had a convenient little pouch, perfect for all those chicken eggs it had to deliver around the world.

Mom was not impressed. "There is no such thing as an Easter kangaroo," she snapped. "Now, quit worrying about the Easter bunny and go clean your room," she admonished. "The Easter bunny won't be back for another 8 or 9 months anyway."

Dejected, I finally convinced myself that summer to concern myself with other issues. Mom was right. We only deal with Easter once a year anyway, and when it's gone, it's gone. Besides, I really didn't want to piss off the Easter bunny by questioning its existence anyway. I liked all those tasty eggs, I just had some questions is all.

Decades later I still have questions. No, I have not figured out why we do this. Yes, it is weird. But perhaps more importantly, why do we insist on pumping up a bunch of 5 year old kids with enough sugar as to require a crane to pluck them from the ceiling?

This has been Commentary, by funwithwords. Please join her next time as she tackles the issues of the day, one by one.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more