Red Sox Pitcher Dice-K's Erratic Performances Finally Explained

Funny story written by Collins_and_Dutton

Saturday, 29 May 2010

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The recent 'schizophrenic' performances of Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka has been explained today when it was revealed that the 29 year old "Dice K" actually is one of two twins.

In signing the pitcher in 2006 from the Seibu Lions, the Red Sox were contractually obliged to recruit his twin brother "Dice J" from the Tokyo Monkey's - a third rate amateur baseball team. The contract stipulated that the deal was to remain a secret for sponsorship reasons, and that "Dice J" would pitch under the guise of "Dice K".

Unfortunately, a club insider has leaked the secret following increasing criticism of the pitcher's erratic performances.

The lesser pitcher "Dice J" has been allowed to only pitch certain innings this year however his lack of pitching control has caused some significant damage to "Dice K"s statistics.

There had been some suggestion that the variation in Dice K's performances had been linked to the catcher, however it appears that the team had acted to try and reduce the number of games that Dice J was allowed to pitch.

Yet, the recent match against Kansas saw the problems continue. Dice K had pitched well for the first 4 innings, however Dice J took over in the 5th inning which led to a disaster as he gave up a number of runs. The team returned to the dressing room after the game to find Dice K bound and gagged by the increasingly desperate Dice J.

It is now believed that the Red Sox will seek to send Dice J to pitch at Pawtucket for the foreseeable future.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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