BP Upgrades Gulf Oil Spill From "Very Very Modest" to "Holy S--t".
Citing new findings from a Purdue University study, which found that the Gulf oil leak is dumping between 56,000 to 84,000 barrels per day, Tony Hayward, BP's top exec said, "we now believe that 'very very modest' might not be an accurate description. We will therefore consider the spill to be at the Holy S--t level."
Hayward met with reporters clutching a Slurpee-cup full of vodka and bottle of Maalox.
"We are confident that the leak will stay at the 'Holy S--t level until it is capped, at which time we'll downgrade to 'This F'n Sux' and 'Glad That S is Over' and finally ' :( '."
Hayward further added that, despite the leak pumping oil at the equivalent to one Exxon Valdez spill every 3.5 days, there should be no reason to upgrade to 'OMFG' anytime soon.
