The incoming government has vowed to clamp down on seedy and supine daytime television. Key targets have been identified as evergreen Noel Edmonds and moronic Jeremy Kyle.
A home office spokesperson stated - "If we are to combat obesity, then we must first deal with these charlatans of the digital age"
The government intends to resurrect the old Tyburn gallows for the purpose, not far from Primark on Oxford Street.
David Cameron stated - "In our dark age of austerity, these men must hang until they breathe no more. They offer us nothing more than false hope and shame."
Public opinion was more unequivocal, advocating traditional 'drawing and quartering', however this was not passed by the law courts in time.