Written by queen mudder

Saturday, 29 May 2010

image for Crossbow Cannibal 'lost his veginity' after watching Cooking With Delia
Griffiths has secret meatings with some scrawny old birds

Bradford - (Slashers): "Delia trussing poussins - that's spring chickens to you and me - was what did it," Mrs Moira Griffiths explained to reporters today.

"Overnight it changed his carnal appetites, like," Mrs G added, "gave him a taste for the bitter and twisted.

The mother of self-confessed 'Crossbow Cannibal' Stephen Griffiths was speaking about how her former vegetarian son turned into a raging carnivore after seeing a Delia Smith cookery programme.

The Hannibal Lecter-ish connection comes as police investigating the Bradford murders commented they suspect Griffiths, 40, may have been stalking vegan hookers in the city's red light district for the last 20 years.

Photos of some of his suspected victims show rather old and scrawny women with a remarkable resemblance to the Beeb's cookery diva 'before her first facelift'.

There's only one Nigella Lawson!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
48 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more