Bubonic Plague strikes down Renaissance Faire goers
In the spirit of an authentic middle ages experience, rats were loosed at Ye Olde Swansea Renaissance Faire Saturday."Hear Ye, Hear Ye," the publick cryer yelled," I've got a bit of a rash on my arse!" Shortly before toppling into an oaken barrel and...
Read full storyKidnapping Confirmed As An Inside Job
Hampshire Police this evening confirmed that a kidnapping incident in the county was definitely an inside job. DCI Barry Plunger issued a statement confirming that a 999 call had been received from the abductor demanding a ransom of £1 million from t...
Read full storyNow Kristen Stewart Buys A Mountain Bike!
It seems like it's mountain bike madness in Hollywood right now! First Miley Cyrus took up mountain biking, then she fell off her bike, but fortunately escaped injury by the skin of her teeth, and now Kristen Stewart has bought a mountain bike! Wh...
Read full storyThe World's Other Shortest Fairy Tale
One day a chauvanist pig proposed to a beautiful, extremely intelligent young woman. She said, "No,' and she lived happily every after. She didn't have to do any housework. She shopped till she dropped. She wore anything she wanted and her butt NEVER looked big at all. She was never told to shave her moustache. She was NEVER given appliances for Christmas presents. She didn'...
Read full storyPittsburgh QB Roethlisberger Tackled Behind Lines on New Sex Charge ; Alleged Victim Claims He Wasn't Wearing a Helmet!
Disaster hit the NFL Pittsburgh Steelers today, with the news that Quarterback 'Big Ben' Roethlisburger is being accused of illegal use of the hands off the field, this time in a Georgia nightclub lady's room! The well hung single gunslinger with...
Read full storyFr Francois DuBois SJ Defiant
Defrocked and de-underpanted bogus "priest" Fr Francois DuBois today made a brief appearance on the porch of his West 'By God' Virginia residence to address the assembled press pack. Taking hefty slugs from a bottle of Jim Beam and risking self im...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Caught Crying In Copenhagen
COPENHAGEN - The X-Factor judge and Girls Aloud member Cheryl Cole traveled to Denmark to appear in the Danish X-Factor. Cheryl, estranged wife of Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole, will be singing her hit song "Fight For This Love." Cheryl told one...
Read full storySarah Harding Still Unsatirised Despite Ashley Cole Text Message
Sarah Harding, the beautiful blonde bikini babe out of Girls Aloud revealed today that she still hasn't been spoofed or satirised on satirical websites and says that she can't for the life of her understand why. Sarah is unhappy about the evil sat...
Read full storyVenables and Thompson IDs were changed soon after birth
Merseyside - (Rotters): Media reports that Jon Venables is to be given a second post-jail ID by worried Prison Department officials will bring the total of his identities since birth to four. Like his former accomplice in crime Robert Thompson the...
Read full storyMickey Rourke, hellraiser actor once bedded 14 Bimbos in one night; Ashley Cole 1 and a 1/2!
Mickey Rourke, bum actor, part time wrestler and general hellraiser has admitted to bedding 14 women in one night after an over-dose of Viagra and Jasmin tea! The reason why he divulged this historic feat was the continuing publicity surrounding B...
Read full storyRodney King Claims He Had It Coming
Rodney King, for years held out as an example of rampant police brutality in the United States now has confirmed that he had it coming. King issued a written statement which he hoped would counter what he now calls "the misuse of videos showcasi...
Read full storyApe In Dramatic Stand-Off With NYC Cop
It seemed like a pretty ordinary kind of day for New York patrolman Ernie Frieze as he walked his 34th Street beat, but then as he approached the Empire State Building he was shocked to find himself confronted by a stray gorilla, which turned out to...
Read full storyThief Claims Lady Gaga Put Him Up To It
Magistrates at Uttercrap Magistrates Court were taken aback today when a defendant accused of theft claimed that the pop singing curiosity Lady Gaga had put him up to it. Nick Pantz, of Nickton Court in the town, accused of stealing ladies panties...
Read full storyHae bae uenn Gaelicperson! Obama hails crowd in Dublin
In a bid to be "all things to all people", President Obama emulated President Kennedy's Berlin speech and today greeted a silently waiting crowd in his best Gaelic at Dublin Airport, Ireland. Seeing as his first go-round didn't go very well. Obam...
Read full storyStevie Wonder Admits His One Eyed Trouser Snake Is Blind Too
Recording artist Stevie Wonder is one of the most famous blind musicians of all time, joining such greats as Ray Charles and Country Singer Ronnie Milsay. He is an inductee of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and winner of the Presidential Medal of Fr...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Denies The Rumors That She Has Fake Nipples
VENICE BEACH, California - Actress, Singer, and ex-girlfriend of semi-noted disc jockey Samantha Ronson was in town visiting the place where Venitian blinds were first invented back on December 10, 1769. Lohan who has had her ups and downs and dow...
Read full storyThe Stone Of Staines To Be Returned To Arthur's Seat
In an historic deal, those nasty English colonists have entered into a tentative agreement with the Scottish Republican Party to return the sacred Stone Of Staines back to the Scots so that it can be proudly displayed on Arthur's Seat. The Stone O...
Read full storyDavid Cameron to be star of new Geordie Computer Game
It has been announced that David Cameron is to be the star of a new Geordie Computer Game. It will be called "Dave's adventures in Geordieland". The gaming company who created it say the object of the game will be to assume the avatar of David...
Read full story'Ashley Cole Is Not Losing It' Says John Terry
Reports that Chelsea and England full back Ashley Cole has had a psychiatrist visit as he recuperates from his broken ankle in France do not necessarily signify that he is losing his mind. So says a written statement, allegedly penned by Chelsea c...
Read full storyHezbollah Calls For Standardized Jewish Slurs
Hezbollah leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrullah, met today with United Nations Secretary General, Ban Ki-moon, demanding that the UN convene an emergency meeting immediately to standardize language condemning Israel. Stating that it is readily apparent...
Read full storyCash Back At Tills Wows Shopper
Shopping for groceries has become fun for one Plymouth man after discovering he can get cash back as well as buy groceries - so much so he is claiming he is building a small fortune! Domonick Dick told gathered reporters that he purchased £32 wort...
Read full storyGordon Brown and David Cameron discuss Merge
Shock was the prevailing air around Westminster today as Gordon Brown and David Cameron further participated in talks to become the same person. Labour and the Conservatives, much criticised for their respective moves toward the centre ground of...
Read full storyRonald Reagan To Go On $50 Bill, Obama To Go On $3 Bill
The United States Treasury Department has announced that, effective with the 2011 printings, the United States will produce $50 bills with the image of late president Ronald Reagan. At the same time, they will also make $3 bills with the image of cu...
Read full storyThe Kamikaze: New Japanese Sports Car Unveiled
The President of the Toyoyo Corporation flew to Detroit today to announce the company's new sports car, The Kamikaze. A brief statement said, "We are proud to bring exclusively to America the latest in sports car innovation. It is the Kamikaze. A...
Read full storySusan Boyle a virgin: World shocked
PETERHEAD, Scotland, UK - The entertainment world is still aghast in the wake of today's bombshell from singer Susan Boyle. Apparently, Boyle has told reporters that she is a virgin. Boyle, the Scottish singing sensation, called a press conferenc...
Read full storyWhoopi Goldberg Asks "Hey Just Who The Hell Does Naomi Campbell Think She Is?"
NEW YORK CITY - Well it had been a while, but it looks like the black diva - black prima donna Naomi Campbell has struck again, pun intended. The model who at times seems to think that she is more like a queen than just a simple model like thousan...
Read full storySubo car parties the must have invite
Roads across the US and Canada are fast becoming the meeting place for hundreds of thousands of middle aged women. Using only the Internet and cell phones, these women are organising themselves into groups, posses and convoys so that they can indulge...
Read full storyGay Vatican brothel busted
Vatican - (Gay Ass Mess): The tidy little earner deep beneath the Catacombs is now in receivership following the arrest of a Vatican choirboy and one of the Pope's ceremonial Gay Gentlemen Ushers. Nigerian-born Ghinedu Ehiem, a 'soprano' from the...
Read full storyReview: White Lion
I found myself in the White Lion off Stockport Road after missing my bus home, and with an hour or two to kill. The exterior of the property first attracted me to it, as it had a roof and it was raining. There was an advertised beer garden to let me know that all the ales would be organically grown on the premises; apparently they showed every Manchester United match, although I discovered later t...
Read full storySarah Palin May Have Own TV Show!
Although she has been a recent commentator on The Fox News and tried her hand at stand-up comedy, friends say that Sarah Palin and the Fox Network are going over plans for Sarah to have her own weekly show. Plus, even though they are leaning towar...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse And Ex-Husband Blake Fielder-Civil To Remarry Under Certain Circumstances
Amy's ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil says that if Amy will get into rehab and get herself off any drugs, that he's willing to give their marriage another shot. Well, maybe shot is not the best word in this case. "Amy knows I still care for her bu...
Read full storyNaomi Campbell Arrested For Beating Up Chris Brown!
Naomi Campbell's temper got the best of her once again according to several national tabloids that always have their nose up someone's arse, and put Chris Brown in the hospital. "I guess I showed that sucker how it feels to be on the receiving end...
Read full storySuBo returns to Earth
In a white flash and a whoosh, Susan Boyle last night returned to Earth - flying her own spaceship! Only last week it was reported that SuBo had been abducted by aliens from the planet Uttanonsenz. Speaking in her newly acquired Uttanonsenz a...
Read full storyRon Paul book's 'sluttish revelations' claim maneater Angelina Jolie put it about a bit
New York - (Ass Mess): A new book about Hollywood stars' shagging careers published this week takes a timely swipe at Hollywood legend Angelina Jolie. Decades of Shagging: The True Story, written by US biographer Ron 'Jenny' Paul (Harpy & Coll...
Read full storySpoof Reporter Continues Pursuit of Pulitzer; Gets Off In Cuba!
Soon after International Reporter Earl Grey had completed the second leg of his quest to interview some of the world's freakiest political strongmen, he found himself in a twin engined float plane bound to Cuba from Curosol after ducking out from Venezuela and the maniacal Hugo Chavez. As the WWII PBY droned on to his next assignment, Earl wondered what awaited him on the Communist Island lyi...
Read full storyJust some BS folks!
"Say what? You wanna be f..king star? Get out of here!!" And with those words the Reverend James Brown admonished his aspiring pupil, Lionel Ritchie, who went on to fame and fortune as the writer and singer of "Dancin' on the ceiling". But that's an...
Read full storyConspiracy website says Venables 'tried boarding plane to Moscow'
London - (Rioters): The TinFoilHatters'R'Us.con site reported today that the convicted child killer is back behind bars because he was caught trying to fly to Russia 'to see his DNA father Vladimir Putin'. An editorial this weekend will also asser...
Read full storyObama Warned To Stop Smoking...And Masturbating
US President Barack Obama has been warned by Doctors to kick the smoking habit or he may well face an early grave. During a recent check up Obama told his physician he was having trouble with coughs and that he was finding himself severely out of...
Read full storyEx Top Criminal in Uniform Ali Dizaei in 'Mobile Phone in Bottom' Shocker
Shamed and jailed ex top cop Ali Dizaei has been has been found by prison authorities to have a first generation Motorola Brick Phone lodged in his bottom. Jailed Criminal in Uniform Dizaei, was caught by vigilant prison officers, when he queued to r...
Read full storyThe Lieraq Inquiry Warmonger Brown takes the stand
Bully Boy Gordon Butcher Brown went to the Lieraq Inquiry today to lie like hell to get his way out another mess. The war was illegal under International law but that did not stop Blair And Brown giving the go ahead to bomb the ordinary people of...
Read full storyUKIP's European Minister Nicholas Farage and EU President in 'Face Off' shocker.'
Sparks turned into flames at the EU Parliament yesterday when the UKIP Party's representative in Europe, Nicholas Farage, accused the new appointed Belgian President of Europe, Ruud Van Rumpypumpy, of 'stealing my face' and ''shagging my wife''.
Read full storyKatie Price Chases Alex To L.A.
Businesswoman and glamour model Katie Price is currently in Los Angeles with her entourage of beauticians and hairdressers following an escape bid by her second husband, Alex Reid. I can reveal that Alex broke free of his custom-built cage style p...
Read full storyShrewd Investor Spends $125,0000 to Make $50,000
Steve Saari, who lives near the Spruce Goose in McMinnville Oregon, is a high-flying intellectual investor. Mr. Saari invests in rare British vehicles without seats and has been quoted as saying " who needs to sit down on the way to the bank". His...
Read full storyZeta Reticuli : The Interplanetary Guide to the Universe
Richard Johnson has been abducted hundreds of times by little grey aliens who have advised him that they are from Zeta Reticuli in the constellation of Zeta Reticulum. Last week Richard was shown a book written in a strange language he could not u...
Read full storySugarbabes v Sugarbabes
The original and the new lines ups for the all girl pop groups Sugarbabes (TNL) and Sugarbabes (TOL) are due in court later today to determine the fate of the name "Sugarbabes". At stakes is a multimillion pound merchandising empire and the world...
Read full storyMTV To Change The Name of "The Jersey Shore" To "The Massachusetts Shore"
NEW YORK CITY - MTV has been inundated by complaints from thousands of Italian-American citizens who live in New Jersey about the reality show The Jersey Shore. The complainants state that they are insulted at the way that Italian-Americans are be...
Read full storyThe Five Members of The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania Are Arrested On Charges of Prostitution
INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - The Bravisimo Network has just announced that it has cancelled one of their highest rated reality shows, The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania. An executive with the network Terence Stipplemuck said that he w...
Read full storySinking U.S. housing market causes realtors to turn to magic
With the seemingly unstoppable slide in property prices, the nation's realtors have taken to drastic means to restart the boom. Beginning in the city of Phoenix, one of the harder hit areas, real estate professionals have formulated exotic ri...
Read full storyToyota's Pedal Problem Exposed
The Global leader in automobile production has halted production to assess the real issues. Motor vehicle group engineer Hiroshi Pe Domo claims a fault in the rubber quality of pedal treads for cars, trucks and SUVs manufactured globally. Li stat...
Read full storyPolice Investigate Convenience Store Death
Police say they are treating as 'very suspicious' the death of a man who froze to death in a 24Seven convenience store in central Bangkok, a source said today. The man, about 67, was said to have died from the effects of extreme cold temperatures...
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