Magistrates at Uttercrap Magistrates Court were taken aback today when a defendant accused of theft claimed that the pop singing curiosity Lady Gaga had put him up to it.
Nick Pantz, of Nickton Court in the town, accused of stealing ladies panties from washing lines in the wee small hours of the night shocked the bench with his Lady Gaga claim.
Chief magistrate Flo Freeley was so astonished that her pince-nez slipped down her nose, which in turn prompted Court Usher Arkhan Wyndham to audibly fart.
As the bench composed itself despite sniggers from the public area, it asked Pantz why he was stealing pants anyway?
Pantz replied that he was stealing the pants because he was a big Lady Gaga fan and he was intending to cut the gussets out of the pants in order to make a Lady Gaga type mask. He added that he had no intention of sniffing, or wanking over the pants, and in mitigation stated that were it not for Lady Gaga and her fancy costumes and masks he would be a law abiding citizen.
Sentencing Pantz to 28 days imprisonment, Flo Freeley ordered the Court Policeman to take Pantz down. There was a further period of confusion before order was restored.
Lady Gaga was not present in court.
More as we get it.