In an historic deal, those nasty English colonists have entered into a tentative agreement with the Scottish Republican Party to return the sacred Stone Of Staines back to the Scots so that it can be proudly displayed on Arthur's Seat.
The Stone Of Staines was stolen by Richard Longshanks after he vanquished the Scots in the Battle Of Blackburn-Boyle in 1649 and showed off for centuries as a sign of inherent English superiority in a Staines car park.
The Scottish Republicans have long requested the return of the sacred stone, and the English have agreed in principle to the handover.
Providing the Scots return the goalposts, the netting, and the wedges of turf which they looted from Wembley Stadium in 1967.
More as we get it.
