Written by Mr Anorchristic

Friday, 5 March 2010

image for Ex Top Criminal in Uniform Ali Dizaei in 'Mobile Phone in Bottom' Shocker
HMP Edmund Hill Yesterday

Shamed and jailed ex top cop Ali Dizaei has been has been found by prison authorities to have a first generation Motorola Brick Phone lodged in his bottom. Jailed Criminal in Uniform Dizaei, was caught by vigilant prison officers, when he queued to receive his anti-psychotic medications before breakfast.

A prisoner known only as ''A'', cannot be named for legal reasons, stated that he was stood behind ex criminal cop Dizaei, and had to raise the alarm and expose the criminal cop in uniform Dizaei, to prison authorities, when he heard the criminal in uniform's bottom ''ring''.

Prisoner ''A'' stated that it was not normal prison protocol ''to grass'', but these were ''exceptional circumstances''. He then went on to say that he was ''stunned'' when the ex cop criminal in uniform Dizaei, asked him to ''answer the phone as his hands were full''.

Prison authorities said today that ''mobile phones and other forms of contraband such as guns, knives, drugs and microwaves are banned in the UK prison system, yet prisoners still manage to conceal these items ''in the cavities of their mouths and bottoms''.

Shocked and traumatised prisoner ''A'' was later released ten years early from his life sentence on the orders of Minister for Justice Jack Straw because of his ordeal, and is now suing the Ministry Of Justice for a six figure sum.

Public outrage from the public, has forced the Minister for Justice Jack Straw to do a u-turn on the prison policy and announce that only those convicted of sex offences would get access to mobile phones and the internet and not shamed and convicted ex police officers.

A prison spokeswomen stated yesterday that '' we cannot name any names, but an ex top criminal cop prisoner, on closer inspection, was found to have a first generation Motorola Brick Phone and a kitchen sink lodged in his bottom''.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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